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mepal, its not really not being able to say no, just that after feeling guilty about saying no.
AOB, it’s wanting to do it for the other person, but not something hes gonna regret, (small stuff,) but wheres the dividing line between the nice guy and being used?
what’s the difference? a nice guy has his once in a while when he’s not so nice. a pushover always seems nice – he can NEVER say no. the nice guy is human and has to stand up for himself once in a while.
kapusta,
there was a similar discussion starting with this post:
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/lets-work-together-on-1-middah/page/9#post-57126
kapusta: if it’s really small stuff that doesn’t make a difference to him & he doesn’t mind, he’s just nice. (if it interferes with what he has to do, possibly being used.)
moish: his “once in a while” could be a limit you had never hit, & then you wouldn’t know that he would stand up for himself if he felt like it.
no, i don’t mean he plans on doing it once in a while. it just happens. could happen five times in one day, and then he’s “nice” for two weeks and never says “no.”
i think i’m a nice guy. in general, i try to be. but you think i’m ALWAYS like that? i’m a person – i couldn’t possibly negate myself completely and become a doormat. there are guys that are doormats, though. i feel really bad for them.
moish I think the pushover part of the question is more like being used.
charlie, thanx for the link!
moish: not sure what you’re saying about the timing. i think it probably has more to do with the situation & what he’s being asked to do than how many times he’s said no.
but that’s good.
& yeah, some people have to learn to stand up for themselves.
moish01
Member
what’s the difference? a nice guy has his once in a while when he’s not so nice. a pushover always seems nice – he can NEVER say no. the nice guy is human and has to stand up for himself once in a while.
I don’t think anyone’s condoning the pushover. It’s perfectly normal for even the nicest person to sometimes say no. A person who always says yes and allows himself to be used, is usually lacking the confidence to say no because he’s afraid of what ppl will say/think of him.
~a~
anonymisss, not really anything to do with the case I’m thinking of, but what about someone who wont say no because hes afraid of hurting someone?
kapusta: is he always, or is it a one time thing?
that was a random thing, but I think my friend has something like this, in that case, it’s on a regular basis.
random question:
do the mods made an early or late shobbos? ok i’m kidding i’ll be off in a few minutes!
What ever happened to the good shabbos thread?
If that’s on a regular basis, I do think that’s not regular, chayecha kodmim, kind of thing. What do you think, kapusta?
~a~
anonymisss, I lost you there.
kapusta: isn’t it, ‘you lost me’?
AOb, I think both, could be wrong…
I meant that if a person is regularly saying yes to do things for others, despite the fact that his/her life is being disrupted by it, I do think that’s an issue. Of course, though, I would really have to know the person to give you an opinion and since you’re the only one here who knows him/her, only you can determine that.
Hope this is more clear than before.
~a~
situation: not personal but very much relates. If someone calls someone to talk and the person doesn’t have the time/effort to help how she’s able to (and doesn’t feel shes helping), is it better to tell the person to find someone else if she will likely be hurt?
kapusta: not sure if this is what you meant, but a way that’s nicer than just “you should ask someone else” is suggesting a particular person that you think might be able to help them.
AOB, but wouldn’t most people just understand what you’re really trying to say, like I don’t have time/patience to deal with you now?
kapusta: when you give a specific suggestion, you are kind of saying “i don’t have the capability (time/patience) to deal with you now, but i still care & want to help out as much as i can” – in this case, the most you can do is refer them to where they can get more help.
Why are people upset during weekdays because it is not yet the weekend and upset on the weekends because they need to go back to work after it is over when you can be so happy if you just be excited because it is almost the weekend and on the weekends be happy because it is not a weekday and you dont need to work?
aussie: some people just don’t know how to appreciate what they have. right now i’m appreciating my weekend though 🙂
aussie, wow, that was complicated! but i get what you mean. Same as why does nobody <not Nobody> appreciate what I do until I don’t do it. People like to find things to grumble about, it’s human nature.
To be really philosophical, if we would be satisfied with things the way they were, what would drive us to accomplish things?
~a~
anonymisss: aren’t we supposed to be satisfied with what physical stuff we have, but never feel like we’re done spiritually?
good point, AOB. I think that everything that we have in the physical is supposed to be a reflection of the spiritual. The physical is a model for us of the spiritual. Sounds right to you?
~a~
hey, moish, to be very on topic, this is a REALLY random question. How’s your foot doing these days?
~a~
which mod is modding now??? random question
I am. any other mods? YW Moderator ##
yeah that was really random. it’s fine. perfect 😉
are you mod72. Because if you are you are the best mod ever!!!!!!!!!
that’s a #72 humor. he’s the only one who signs “YW Moderator ##“
That’s great to hear:) Don’t know why I just thought of it.
~a~
and jax how is your leg(or was it hand? or wait was that qwerty?)
coke not pepsi: wow thanx for remembering! it was my ankle & b”h these days it’s doing much better-it’s really fine now! it was qwertyuiop’s wrist that was broken btw! now that i think about it, it’s great that no one these days in the cr is injured!
jax: hey you’re right! that’s good
random question: how do people who (particularly) don’t like to be the center of attention deal with their own weddings?
AOB: They dance in the outside circle.lol.
an open book: when it’s their special night, they deal with it just fine!
jax: like how?
an open book: there’s just so happy they no longer care it!
AOB, you should only have such problems (at the right time!) people do dance in the “main” circle and anyway, you would probably be enjoying yourself and realizing what a special occasion it is that you wouldn’t be self-conscious. Are you planning anything we should know about?
Jax, how come CNP got an answer and I didn’t? 😉
AOB: Im usually in the outside circle if dancing at all, but by my sisters wedding I was dancing almost the entire time and in the inner circle for quite a while. When its something that really makes you happy you somehow get over being in the center and you just dance without caring what people think.
aussie, you phrased it very well.
When its something that really makes you happy you somehow get over being in the center and you just dance without caring what people think.
72? where’s my post? i can’t think of any problem with it…
kapusta: your random question seemed too complicated to me! sorry about that!
Jax, which question? about the difference between using someone and being a nice guy? I was talking about your comment to CNP about your ankle.
i didn’t mean dancing, just in general – it’s all about them, isn’t it?
AOB, yea but you’re all caught up in the action and davening, theres probably no time to think about it.
kapusta: now i’m confused! what didn’t i answer you about?
kapusta: yeah that one, i came in in middle of the discussion & was lost!
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