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Yaakov and Chaim are walking in a forest when they see a bear in the distance. Yaakov quickly pulls out a pair of running shoes from his backpack and puts them on, Chaim says to him do you really think you can run faster than that bear? Yaakov says All I have to do is run quicker than you can.
why did the yetzer hara cross the road? to get to the sitra achra
what did avi weiss say to the MO guy? Y U so machmir!
Two hunters are crawling through the underbrush when one of them suddenly falls to the ground. The other guy checks for a heartbeat and finds none so he calls 9-1-1 in a panic. “Help!” He says, “My friend just died.” “Okay,” Said a calm voice at the other end of the phone. “The first thing I’ll need you to do is to make sure he’s actually dead.” The 9-1-1 operator hears a gunshot over the line. “Done. Now what?”
A guy is partying in Tel Aviv in a local pub and suddenly noticed he lost his wallet. He got up on the bar and shouted, “Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, I’ve just lost my wallet with over 500 shekels in it. To the person that finds my wallet, I will give 50 shek!”
A voice from the back of the bar shouted, “I will give 75!”The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.
Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted by a child’s whispered, “Hello.”
“Is your Daddy home?” he asked.
“Yes,” whispered the small voice.
“May I talk with him?”
The child whispered, “No.”
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”
“Yes.”
“May I talk with her?”
Again the small voice whispered, “No.”
Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anyone else there?”
“Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman.”
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”
“No, he’s busy,” whispered the child.
“Busy doing what?”
“Talking to Mommy and Daddy and the Fireman,” came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”
“A helicopter,” answered the whispering voice.
“What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed a helicopter.”
Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle…”Me!”A KGB agent walks up to a Jew and says, “Why are you learning Hebrew, we’ll never let you leave.” The man says, “Oh no, I’m learning Hebrew so when I get to heaven I’ll be able to talk to people.” The agent says, “And what if you go to hell?” The man replies, “I already speak Russian.”
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