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while you are in the process of dating, if you go out with someone from ur neighborhood, and you happen to see each other when not on a date, what do you do? do you nod, ignore, barely breathe a hello, but make it just audible?
You cross the street and avoid. If G-d forbid you pass each other before realizing it, you gasp, turn around and go the other way.
tmb – any reason why?
Slight nod…
It’ll ruin your shidduchim prospects if seen.
If you had a nice time and would like to continue dating, you say hello, nice to see you again. If you dont like her, you still say hello, maybe she knows someone who may be more appropriate for you. It’s called not burning your bridge.
At the least, treat him/her like any other human being (unless you are in NY where nobody says hi to anybody)
a smile would be nice…
You be normal. If you certainly say hi, and if you are at a point in the relationship where you should stop and talk, you do so.
In some circles, you will never be at that point in the relationship before getting engaged.
To each their own, and to some- their very own.
And good.jew- good point.
Being a mensch means saying hello with a smile to anyone you know, and sometimes to someone you don’t know. Certainly it is appropriate to be friendly to someone you have already dated. Good point about not burning bridges.
This is a tough one, I would just use simple common sense.
Pretend to talk on your cell phone and you are telling the shaddchan that you think he is stalking you.
Plb, the line means to me that as people in NY are not terribly friendly to begin with, and don’t routinely cknowledge each other in the street, this should not be a problem for most people in NY running across a familiar dating face. I do not agree with that line of thought, however.
why is this foolish question even being posed?
obviously one should be nice and take notice and maybe even strike up a conversation (oh wait, it would be to mentchlichkiet to do that, sorry)
Be a mentch and act normal. It might not have been a good chemistry for you, but you never know where it might lead down the line. Many successful shiduchim came from a mismatch.
You go over and ask how he/she is doing the same way you would to anyone you know. If you spent 4 hours shmoozing with someone and then ignored him on the street that would be very impolite. It’s not like you are in two alternate universes- datinng and the rest of your life. You actually know this person in your normal life once you’ve met dated them.
what do you think is appropriate if the boy and girl have stopped seeing each other and meet each other?
How is muttar to talk to a single girl/guy of the opposite gender not in the context of shidduchim, if you are not yet married? Sound untznius to me. If you are married and the other person is not yet, then it might be awkward so just walk away and pretend you didn’t see them. Married Guys/Girls shouldn’t really talk to single people of the opposite gender in the first few years of marriage anyways.
here’s a similar but very different question lets say you went out with him a while ago..you didnt go for him or watever and then see him at a wedding/store/hotel lounge on a date!—it’s happened…
what’s the mentschlich thing to do?
he obviously recognizes you…it didnt work… but do you have to be nice and say hello or do you move along pretending not to notice him?
For sure if he’s on a date with someone else you don’t interfere.
OF COURSE you say hello! What’s the matter with you? That is common menschlechkeit. No one says you have to sit down and have a half hour conversation, but for Heaven’s sake, it is just plain good manners to say a quick “hello, how are you, nice to see you,” and move on. Why must everything be made in to a melodrama here? Honestly, it shocks me that this type of thing is even a question, or considered untzniusdig, or whatever. You should never be rude to someone, especially if you already are acquainted, if for no other reason than you might embarrass the person in a public place by doing so.
The answer to “memo”‘s question is also: Be normal.
In many communities, the other party will not be pleased if you say hello, so don’t.
“Married Guys/Girls shouldn’t really talk to single people of the opposite gender in the first few years of marriage anyways.”
really? does this apply to new brothers/sisters in laws too?
yeshivabochur,
go learn in yeshiva a little longer and get your halachot straight before you start paskening.
I think anyone who normally talks to members of the opposite gender will say ‘its mentchlichkeit’ and those that don’t will say ‘its not tzniyus’.
If you are of the former, then do- as at the very least the other will know what you hold.
If you are of the latter, then don’t- as at the very least the other will know what you hold.
Dating does not change your normative status to each other outside the actual dates. So do whatever you would normally do had you not been dating. It will either be appreciated- or your not both onthe same wavelength.
In ALL the situations mentioned above, smile, say hello, ask how the other person is,and hope to hear baruch hashem, thank you. You may answer in kind. Then you can continue on your way.
depends on the type of person he is. if he’s super yeshivish, smile with a slight nod and keep going. if he’s not as yeshivish, smile, say hi, see if he approaches you to talk. a smile is never wrong.
I think p_b_a has the best advice so far.
Depends who it is you see. Is it some A++, super-cool person that enhances your image? Then yes, by all means. Where applicable, shake hands / fist bump / do the gangsta-shoulder mash, to show your date you are connected.
OTOH, if you see some shleppy nudnik headed your way, freeze, and say “Woah, I think I left the car door unlocked, do a 180, and get some distance between you and your obstacle (and hope your date did not catch on.. which they probably did, but will still give you credit for quick thinking)
One more thing. If the on coming problem is a kid brother or cousin, watch for a set up, as there may be someone directly behind you when you do the about face.
(Gee, guys, you really need to lighten up here. Its a date, for heaven’s sake. Relax a little!)
Just say hi and have a brief conversation like what are you doing here/ where are you off to etc. just so it should’t be awkward and then walk off. Let’s look at the full picture. If someone is going on a date then they will be seen in public, so what’s the difference and this is only a minute or so. Unless the guy is ultra yeshivish then he should take out his phone and if he passes her just nod and pretend its an important phone call and he can’t talk.
psach libi bsorasecha; You should always say Hi!
Of course you shouldn’t shout “HELLO!” arms flailing,
jumping up & down.
It should be a quick Aidel greeting no stopping to schmooze.
Even if you don’t plan on continuing it.
Unless you notice that she/he noticed you and are trying to avoid you. Then don’t chase them to say your hello,
that’s not being polite.
My policy is L’olam Yehey Adom, Always be a mentch, don’t be afraid if ppl see you that’s not your problem & their job is to be Dan L’kaf Zchus, and not to turn it into the latest neighborhoods gossip.
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