Pushing off Geirim

I see I’m already too late to post on this thread — it’s descended into dissections of davening nusach and Broadway shows — but I felt I had to respond to a couple of earlier comments. I post here as ger tzedek 15 years in.

Popa_bar_abba: I almost always enjoy your posts and laughed out loud at “There’s one weird guy in every room. If you can’t find him, it’s you.” I can always tell right away that I’m the weirdest guy in any room I walk into, doesn’t matter where.

I have to admit I’m still struggling to understand why Chazal were mesakein that geirus should continue through all the doros of the galus. I’ve heard some of the kabbalistic reasons for it, I’ve heard the inyan that even the neshamos of the geirim were at Har Sinai, and I guess al pi seichel I can maybe understand how Hashem would want to give individual goyim the chance to be shomer Torah umitzvos. And I have to admit that my life has seen many immeasurable improvements since I was misgayer, and I shep a lot of yiddishe nachas from my kids.

But I still struggle with the question as to whether geirus, on balance, is a good thing. I think a lot of people — both born Jews and geirim — misunderstand and misapply the mitzvah of ahavas geirim. And I think there’s just too much pain involved.

I will forever be haunted by the question my oldest son asked at his seudas bar mitzvah, after he had already been to friends’ bar mitzvahs: “How come nobody’s here?”

RebDoniel: You seem like a serious, thoughtful person, just like many serious, thoughtful people I’ve met in many walks of life. My own journey took me through just about every sector that can be remotely called Jewish. And I’ve met many wonderful Modern Orthodox people.

I just have to say, regarding your comment that geirim should avoid the chareidi world at all costs, that with me it doesn’t wash. I’ve certainly experienced bigotry and condescension in the chareidi world — but I’ve also experienced it with Jews who are Reform, Conservative, and Modern Orthodox. No stream is immune.

And most geirim are where they are because they’re seekers after truth. Not that there are no truth-seekers among the Modern Orthodox, and not that there are only truth-seekers among the chareidim. But a geir has already abandoned his family, his friends, his upbringing, and his whole way of thinking; why would he then want to sit at a Shabbos table where people are discussing movies and Immanuel Kant? Most of the geirim I know — and I know several dozen — have gravitated toward chareidi streams because they find more people with whom they share a basic outlook. And given that no one’s perfect, and they would likely experience rejection at some point wherever they go, most of them are willing to put up with a few stings from the group they feel most akin to.

To whichever Mod edited my post before – I did not mean that; it would be a troll post to put that in English here for those with possibly more open minds. Chas VeShalom I was not insulting anything R’ Moshe Shmuel zt”l wrote, nor did I mean any disrespect whatsoever; in fact I think it is an amazing shtickel.

But for that to be posted here, in plain English, would have disastrous consequences.