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There’s a JOKES thread; why not lets start a pun thread!
I get my large circumference from too much pi.
At Heathrow Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator.
Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.
He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.
Yaaaaaaaay!
My dream finally came true, a pun thread!
people the yeshiva world over will say it was a stitch in time
now it’s an oPUN and shut case!
Gummy bear what did you do? You have unleashed the PUNniness of all the cornys out here with an EAR for ROWS of GRAINS
Now where is shticky guy?
😀 Zuberman! 😀
yes yossi,
I hope people like corn,
speaking of which wheres the best place to get corn?
the corner drugstore!
:p> mbachur <d:
gummy maybe he can be a football player!
then he can get his halfback
Don’t hit your head on the chandelier; you’ll become lightheaded.
Thanks for starting this thread! It is SEW entertaining!
What do you call a meat thief? A hamburglar (from Shluffy Bokervekker).
A good pun is its own reword.
Larry said “you remind me of a pepper pot” i said “ill take that as a condiment”
Smartcookie, you had me in stitches. Sew far, yours was the best pun in the whole thread.
A short fraudulent psychic was on the lam. The news media reported him as a “Small medium at large.”
what do you call a guy who sells shoes all by himself? A sole trader
How is his new store doing? It’s not your business…
I told this to my brother in law when his sister (my sister in law) had a baby
It’s just an Adar (another) baby
:p> mbachur <d:
Pinskei Tshuvos
1. What did the thirty-six hidden Tzaddikim call their Basketball team? Lamed-vav Knicks
2. What does one call the son-in-law of a Chassidish Meshulach? Collectors Eidim
3. What do you call a Chassidic Master who has no organization to collect for? Rebbe Without a Cause
“You don’t like my beard? Why doesn’t this hair hirsute you?”
(One of my father’s favorites.)
thank you Gummy,
two robber broke into two factories: morton salt company and duracell,
they were charged with A Salt and Battery
gummy bear thats my fsvorite one
Gummy Bear I think chayav means that’s the spirit!!
Two guys were arrested for acting suspiciously last night. Turns out they’re both delusional; one thinks he’s a battery and the other is convinced he’s a firework. Police say they have decided to charge one and let the other one off.
Thanks, Daas Yochid! We really are having so much PUN!
Did you hear the joke about the jumprope? skip it…
Did you hear the joke about the pencil? It has no point
Did you hear the joke about the watermelon? It’s the pits!
“These buns are raw,” she said frankly.
Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A pessimist’s blood type is always B-negative.
My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it’s just kiln time.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
When you dream in color, it’s a pigment of your imagination.
Shotgun wedding – A case of wife or death.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’
And then there was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Shticky guy- I was waiting for you to get involved this is your specialty.
No my speciality is really limericks but nobody posts limericks any more (sob, sob, sniff) so i’ve stopped there for the moment. So I’ll post here cos though limericks are closed for me, here is still o-pun.
From Kernel-In-Chief,
Lieutenant Kernel Shticky
I took a blood test and got an A-.
When the students in cosmetology school failed their exam, they had to take a make-up test.
From Shluffy again: What brocha do you say on burnt hamburger? Charcoal nih’ye bidvaro.
The chosson had promised the kallah her own slave. When he turned out to be a midget, she went to the dayan. He paskened that even though, technically, he fulfilled his obligation, it was a little bitty eved.
There was this young couple who were happily engaged, but when she found out that he had a wooden leg she broke it off.
whenever someone asks you “whats up?” tell them “the ceiling” or “lights” or call them an apikores (the mishna in Chagigah says these four things shouldn’t be asked one of them being what’s above the world (or in other words “what’s up”)
Whenever someone asks you “what’s going on?” tell them “lights” or “cars”
:p> mbachur <d:
ha ha ha very corny dont forget to make a bory pri hadama
Tony the Tiger, Toucan Sam, and the quaker oatmeal guy are all in hiding.
A CEREAL KILLER is on the loose
lol Gummy
Mbachur- those puns were awesome!
Daas- I luv the slave one. Did you MASTER it all by youself?
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