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I recently had a question on the Proper balance Between Laws Of shmiras Haloshen and Shidduchem…The was a story … There was a person that was learning the laws of shimiras haloshen… this person decided that they where able to pasken based on their individual learning of the laws that that the halacha was they can tell negative information…However, they did learn the halacha properly…. When a certain rav found out they called this person and asked why did you say this negative information… Self righteously this person told the rav i looked it and i know halacha…… This rav was in shock and responded if you would have learned the next few paragraphs you would have realized that what you did was REALLY Assur to say to the parties involved… So when you want to pasken on what to say to a Shidduch its best top ask a rav… My friend strongly feels that their are times you dont have to ask… Since its “Common Sense…” So i ask what do you think?
If a person learnt the halochos well enough, and he is, generally speaking, smart enough, he should be able to know what to do. There are Rabbonim, who have shitos in this area, that it does not look like the Chofets Haim would agree to.
If a person learnt the halochos well enough, and he is, generally speaking, smart enough, he should be able to know what to do. There are Rabbonim, who have shitos in this area, that it does not look like the Chofets Haim would agree to.
I find it shocking how people sometimes don’t hesitate to give bad info, or just their speculation as to their neighbors
or the person in question. When someone on the other line
hears these comments, they are not sure what to do next,
should they believe these comments of lashon hora which you’re not supposed to, on the other hand how can they go along with the shidduch when the neighbors, (sometimes provided by said shidduch girl or boy)say this negative information freely.
Please people, if you’re not sure about saying something or not,
just dont say anything, don’t say your own sevoros or shittos if it will make someone look bad. If Youre such a Tzaddeikes/or tzaddik, say nothing, call your local posek afterward & ask. If he (not she, your rebbitzin is not a posek) says you must disclose this info, then you call back & tell them.
Otherwise, siyag lachochmah shtikah.
Can we change the title of the topic to
“The application of the laws of shmiras halashon to shidduchim”
It is not a balance, it is the law of shmiras halashon.
Done.
No I don’t think this is appropriate. If someone just “looks up the halacha” and then feels he knows it, but is not well rounded in the knowledge of ALL halachas or all areas where the halacha is brought up and discussed then he plain pashut does not know the halacha well enough to paskin his own shailah.
In addition, where shidduchim are involved there are many inyanim that have to be considered before someone is allowed to give negative information. It isn’t so pashut.
The laws of Shmiras Halashon are very complex especially as regards shiduchim. I try to daven a short request to Hashem to help me when asking about a Shidduch, both in asking the right questions and understanding the replies. I am a very direct person, literal-minded and don’t understand when people speak in codes as they sometimes do. Baruch hashem on several occasions Hashem helped and put the right words into people’s mouths telling me things I wouldn’t have thought to ask,which were very important. Its a very good thing to ask Hashem for help in every undertaking and its amazing how things sometimes turn out to be “custom made”, after that. hatzlacha to all. and Shana Tova
Listen, I studied and learned Agunos. I still wouldn’t pasken. When dealing with people’s lives – you’ve got to bring in a real authority. Just like pikuach nefesh. A brief – “sure, I’d love to talk to you, but I’m running to night seder, can I call you at ten” suffices – and then buzz the LOR.
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