Primary cause for Frum Divorces revisited.

Hit a sore spot?

People, you all ignore the obvious. The primary cause for divorce, indeed the cause for ALL divorces is. . .marriage. Were people to not marry, there would be no divorce.

People, you all ignore the obvious. The primary cause for divorce, indeed the cause for ALL divorces is. . .marriage”

HEEEEEYYYYY, that’s what I said in the last thread on the subject.

A woman who gave birth to a baby with a problem told her doctor that it’s interesing that on her block several babies were recently born with problems. The doctor responded that what is interesting is how most babies are born healthy. A healthy baby is a miracle.

I think the same can be said about marriage. The fact that two people can be made to live together and most stay marriage forever, that is a miracle.

I would say that many marriages that end in divorced, even before the engagement, there wasn’t a big level of comfort in making the engagement to begin with.

Sure, there are divorces that happen because of interfences from the in-laws, however, just because people say that was the cause doesn’t mean that is the cause. Parents may encourage their child to leave a marriage simply because they see it’s bad for their child. Doesn’t mean the child isn’t thrilled to pieces to get divorced. All they need is that support from their parents.

We all make mistakes, and sometimes the marriage is a mistake because there is simply no compatibility.

Sometimes one partner is really an emotionally sick person, and no matter what the other partner does to make the marriage work, it won’t help.

Of course it should, but the point of the statistic is that- what is more important to concentrate on because you have a more liklihood of coming down with it.

“Knowing the cause helps in preventative measures”

That is exactly the point -there are many causes. You are clouding the issue by blaming only one cause which you claim others have insisted is the main cause.

And my point was -a person shouldn’t concentrate on just not having the in-laws or parents mingling, noone should get involved in people’s marriages, unless they are professionals. They can cause irreversible damage!

A 100 years ago marriage was needed for survival. People worked longer hours outside and inside the house. There was no time to worry about the little things we do today.

My impression is that poor finances are a great contributor to a lack of peace in the house. My impression is that 100 years ago they had less and expected less. Therefore if they were married and poor, that didn’t bother them as much as it bothers us today. They had (almost) no expectations to meet.

Adam yesh lo Manah, rotseh Ma’atayim

We are used to it, we expect it, and we are looking/dreaming for more.

A hundred years ago there was plenty of divorce and abandonment. Frequently it would take different forms. Husbands would leave for America and not send for their wives, or perhaps marry another woman in America. It’s not generally talked about much, and of course it didn’t happen to your great-grandmother or -grandfather.

Dowry-Farmers would go to a shtetl, marry a woman, collect her dowry, then move on to repeat the same in another locale, or just move to the New World.

There was also plenty of marital unhappiness then, too. But what era has ever been free of that?

There was great shame in divorce, but there still is today. I’m not sure anyone WANTS to get divorced.

“Flower: making excuses for what the experts and common sense tell us is inexcusable behavior is just wrong. Do you argue with your doctor? Where was that parent before they got engaged? Once married let that all caring parent have a professional or a rov encourage the divorce. “

Someone here said that the number 2 reason for divorce is in-law interference. My point was not always when the in-laws are interfering are they wrong. Many times they are right. And very often they do check with a rebbe or rav to make sure they are doing the right thing. It is sometimes very difficult for someone to just walk away from a bad marriage without the support of the parents, especially if it occurs when they are young. So in may be that real invalid in-law interferences may not be the second most common reason for divorce (though I know it can be a reason)

intersaanteh said;

“You wouldn’t happen to be one of those mingling mothers, would you?” LOL!!! (no offense flowers)

I just had to comment, there seems to be no reasonal explanation for people to defend this behavior of parent Meddling unless one is guilty of this practice.

Obviously we are not talking about a parent getting involved when there is an actual problem e.g. abuse verbally or physical,

not providing financial, emotional support, etc…

We are talking about typical parents who cannot accept the fact that their kids are all grown up & need to build their own family, making their own decisons even if it is contrary to their parents liking.

Some mothers merely feel that their daughters have been taken away from them so to speak by their son in law. Not validated by any wrong doing of said son in law. Simply that the daughter moved out and respects her husband, agrees with him over her mother is enough to send these mentally disturbed mothers over the edge. Vowing a vendetta of revenge and destruction to their marriage.

Some mothers simply dont like the way their SIL/DIL looks.

She feels that she isnt pretty enough for her son, for who the sun rises everyday (twice a day) or that her SIL isn’t such a polished gem that she can brag about to her friends.

But here’s the thing, It’s NOT your business who your sons or daughters find attractive it’s not your life,

It’s theirs, and you don’t get to make the decisions anymore.

Deal with it, take prozac, or just cont. meddling so you can mess up two wonderful peoples future, over your petty insecurities, or trying to hang on to the past, by ruining their present and future.

Most parents who meddle will tell you that they care too much. Don’t be fooled, these people are the most selfish people you can find.

Caring parents; please stay out of your childrens business and get your own life, unless there is a Serious issue, ask a rov (that’s not on your payroll) to confirm, don’t ruin what could be a true bayis ne’man based on your personal issues. Seek professional help.

cherrybim-

Please be careful with what you write. The truth hurts 🙂