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My friends are beginning to talk about preparing for shidduchim (even though their kids are fairly young), via sending them to the “right” schools…
As you either look for shidduchim (for yourselves or your kids) or prepare to do so, what are the things you intend to look for and are particular about??
What would constitute the “right” schools, the “right” families, etc…?
I’m concerned that there are things I should be thinking about and am just unaware of.
I’d really appreciate your input.
If I say about my families preferences, maybe Shomrim will get this thread deleted cuz there is too much ‘private’ info being given.
mommamia22, I dont know if shidduchim can be made into science as everyone is trying to do. It obviously creates a lot of anxiety and stress. The most important ingredient in this is Hashem. Second, I would guess, is if the two dating really start to like each other.
Can one say that every person from the “right school and right family” will be more loving, better behaved, considerate, and compatible than anyone from a “not-so-right” school or family?
I guess I am saying put effort into nurturing the kind of lifestyle that will enhance your child’s
status, who you know is great anyway, but dont stress so much on the small stuff.
There is a great saying which says, “The road is not the map.” I hope that makes some sense.
Hatzlacha, and your children are very lucky to have a thoughtful and conscientious mom like you.
BTGuy, well said! I especially can appreciate your line:” I dont know if shidduchim can be made into science as everyone is trying to do. It obviously creates a lot of anxiety and stress.”Boy can I relate.
After my 2 years in E”Y, I opted for a smaller yeshiva here in America, instead of BMG Lakewood. When my aunt heard this she immediately called my mother and told her (in a polite way) that THIS was not the way to go! She was so “upset” that I wasn’t learning in a more “run of the mill” yeshiva which “everyone” goes to, What’s gonna be with shidduchim…blalala.
B’kitzur, I was VERY matzliach, extremely happy, and got married shortly after.
BaalHabooze….very nice to read. Continued hatzlacha and all the best!
mommamia- You can put your child into a school that may be the “right” school that looks good for shidduchim, but it doesnt necessarily mean that it is “right” for the child. Everyone looks for someone that is right for them. What is right for one person, isnt what is right for another person. Just concentrate on giving your children the best of what is right for them individually, because with Hashems help, they will find their zivugim easily.
The shidduch process isn’t the easiest and has its own challenges. I personally think that in addition to making sure your children are in the right place for them, you should also prepare them to remember, and try to engrain in your children that HASHEM is the One Who makes the shidduch, and everyone and everything is just a stick in His hands. That they will find their bashert at the RIGHT time, in the RIGHT way, with the RIGHT one. I wish you soo much hatzlacha!
uch. im gonna throw up. if people wont date you because you didnt follow the predefined route that a bas kol called out as being the only way to go- you dont wanna marry them.
+1 Toi
This is quit ridiculous along as you bring them up well and do whats correct for your kids not what the shidduch world thinks is correct. the right person will marry there bashert anyways just do whats good for the kid at the time. And remember if you do whats good for the kid hashem does the rest (everything)
Finding a match for life is not about playing a game and fitting in. It is natural for parents to try and choose good schools and a good ” crowd” for their kids, BUT social concerns and ” how does it look” can colour people’s judgment when it comes to their kids shidduchim and future. Being successful in Jewish terms is not about being in the ” in crowd” it is about Torah values and love. Shiddichuchim is not a science BT guy you are so right!
im with toi…
this stuff makes me sick worse than anything.It stupid tha “we have to prepare for shidduchim”.Hashem is in charge.We make efforts but really its nothing compared to the hashgacha that hashem does everything with.i know people in big yeshivas who arent married and people who you wouldnt talk to from small yeshivas who are married.
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