Home › Forums › Shidduchim › "Prayer" on behalf of Shidduch-seekers in pain
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May 13, 2011 5:35 pm at 5:35 pm #596878SilentOneMember
HaGaon Rav Chaim Stein, Shlita, put out the directive that we are to be Mispallel for women who need a Shidduch. In response to his stirring request (that he made during a Hesped for his son Z”L), I wrote a “prayer” to try to stir up our emotions in Tefilla for those who need a Shidduch. I realize I may take heat from CR responders asking how I dare create new prayers; for the better or worse, here is my contribution:
Master of the World, please see the suffering of those having difficulties finding a Shidduch
Desperately trying to find their way in a dismal maze of unending questions, robbing them of happiness
Only to have them shattered when everything sadly slipped away as sand through desperate fingertips
Feelings of unworthiness haunt their peace of mind
Each time they go to Shul with heavy hearts, hoping that this time their desperate yearning
Will pour out as water from their soul in front of Your Throne of Mercy
And You will consider their tears as a perfect Kurban brought on Your Mizbeach
Ribbono Shel Olam, how many times can they go on, feeling that their prayers are so lacking and inconsequential
Look at how much purity they carry themselves throughout all their youthful years
Even while living in a world where everything sacred is cast aside
That You will cherish and thus, change Your decree for them to find their proper Shidduch
To transmit the fear of Heaven and love of Torah and Mitzvos to the next generation
Remember them in the Zechus of our Avos and Imahos HaKedoshim
Blessed and filled with Kedushah and Simcha from Your loving Hashgochoh
May it be Your will that our few words should cause the fate of these singles to be brought before You in a favorable light,
Nothing is to hard for You to do; You can bring their Yeshuah in a moment
So we are in Your hands – the people we meet and their feelings for us are all in Your control
Please speedily unite these suffering people with their intended Shidduch
May 15, 2011 4:44 am at 4:44 am #768248s2021MemberSilent- That was written so eloquently. Its beautifull how you care so much about your fellow Yiddin in need. Hatzlachah Rabbah, keep up your efforts- I know I could use your Tefillos.
May 15, 2011 6:34 am at 6:34 am #768249smartcookieMemberSilent- That is a beautiful and heartfelt Tefillah. Talking to Hashem from your heart, in your own words, is also Tefillah.
May 15, 2011 4:39 pm at 4:39 pm #768250yossi z.MemberAmen. Very well said
😀 Zuberman! 😀
May 15, 2011 5:22 pm at 5:22 pm #768251hanibParticipantthat’s beautiful.
May 15, 2011 7:08 pm at 7:08 pm #768252SilentOneMemberI appreciate all the kind words from the CR responders. In truth, I starting writing this prayer well before my own marriage blew up, but now that I am alone again so sadly, in an ironic way, I can now say the “prayer” with more Kavannah since I include myself in the ranks of the distressed needy. I not only want to get married again to be Mashlim myself as does everyone of you who are alone, but also to provide a home for my children who now live away from me. I struggle with loneliness and depression every day, so I know how all the others in a similar Matzav feel. May Hashem send all of us a true Yeshuah B’Kurov.
May 16, 2011 2:11 am at 2:11 am #768253deiyezoogerMember“I realize I may take heat from CR responders asking how I dare create new prayers;”
The gemarah in Brachos says that only in the middle of Semonah Esrei is one not alowed to add anything but afterwards one can add even as long as the Vidu of Yom Kipur. So there you go.
May 16, 2011 6:57 pm at 6:57 pm #768254adorableParticipantSilent- I am sitting here and crying from your Tefillah. Only someone who is in it can truly understand. No one who is married ( they forget very quickly what is was like to be single) can possibly remember how hard it is to be single and feel so empty. Thank you again and may Hashem send you a yeshuva fast
May 17, 2011 4:01 am at 4:01 am #768255ursula momishMemberAdorable,
Please don’t think that everyone who gets married forgets so quickly. The harder it was and the longer it took, the less likely it is to forget. Remembering how painful and lonely it was to be an older single, is a wonderful impetus to work on your marriage. And it does affect our tefillos for single people.
May we hear besuros tovos bekarov
May 17, 2011 3:41 pm at 3:41 pm #768256adorableParticipantI understand that they might not forget so fast but some of them seem to forget the second they get engaged and that makes it hard for the single ones. They also felt lonely and they also felt sad but they dont remember how sad and how lonely it is.
May 18, 2011 3:51 am at 3:51 am #768257Boro Park GirlMemberHopefully the speeches that the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation hosted about giving information by Shidduchim will help more singles get engaged b’karov to their bashert
May 18, 2011 12:22 pm at 12:22 pm #768258hanibParticipantyou’re right, adorable – but why is that bad? it means that you too will forget this horrible pain! one day it will be over!!!!!
May 18, 2011 3:42 pm at 3:42 pm #768259adorableParticipantI know it will be over I wish I would be able to remember it for those who are still around when I get married- younger friends who will be going through it a little later than me. I don’t want to apathetic to their pain. i want to be the best I can be in this stage in life and I just find it hard.
May 18, 2011 9:43 pm at 9:43 pm #768260SilentOneMemberadorable: I feel for your pain very keenly and I am really at a loss for wise counsel to give you, other than to repeat what Rav Zecharya Gelley Shlita once told me to accept this difficult process as L’Fum Tzara Agrah, (according to your pain in doing a Mitzvah, your reward is accordingly great). Since getting married is a Mitzvah, so the Shidduch process is a Hechsher Mitzva (preparation for a Mitzvah) and therefore the greater your pain, the greater is your reward. Hopefully this perspective this will enable you to see the opportunity that Hashem gives you to come close to Him through your (painful) process, by trying to do the Mitzvah with Simcha – which raises a person to a high level, especially when it is ever so difficult. Remember that Hashem tests those that are beloved to Him.
Don’t let anyone tell you “your Nisayon is not really so hard – look at the much more difficult Nisayonos others go through (e.g. sick children R”L)”. Nonsense. Your Nisayon is truly a test and it is really difficult and Hashem Yisborach, for whatever reason known to Him only (for your eternal reward) wants it to be difficult for you, but at the same time Hashem wants you to accept this Nisayon B’Simcha. Having this attitude will bring you close to Hashem and maybe (I can’t say this with any real authority), this might shorten your test period. I could tell you all the pain I am going through with divorce and not being even able to look for a new Shidduch any time soon since my ex-wife (who I gave a Get to when she wanted it) makes it so hard for me to get my civil divorce, but I don’t suppose my problems are a Nechama to you (if they are – Kol HaKavod!).
May Hashem give you the strength to approach your Nisayon and (Hechsher) Mitzvah process with Simcha and to bring you the ultimate Yeshuah of bringing your true Zivug very soon.
May 18, 2011 10:22 pm at 10:22 pm #768261oomisParticipantWhoa! In the zechus of your beautiful heartfelt words, may you and all of klal Yisrael who are not married, find your zivugim bimheira.
May 19, 2011 1:12 am at 1:12 am #768262chalilavchasMemberIn addition to Davening, the Klal has to do Hishtadlus and work on Shidduchim for others, as much as is humanly possible. I personally know singles whose frumkeit is spiraling downwards because they are single and disgusted with being forgotten by others in the frum community. It’s as important as Kiruv.
May 19, 2011 3:13 am at 3:13 am #768263SilentOneMemberchalilavchas: I fully agree wih you – please give us tips on how we can be of help especially for those who are not big time “social-bugs” and don’t know many singles well. Also, I live in a small Jewish community and don’t get to know many singles.
While Hishtadlus is certainly vital and encouraged, we must always bear in mind what (my Rebbe, in the name of the) Chazon Ish, ZT”L said: The person who Davens for another’s need accomplishes more (down here in THIS world) for the one in need than the person who physically is Mishtadel to help the same needy individual.
May 19, 2011 5:27 pm at 5:27 pm #768264adorableParticipantthank you for your words. Of course I cannot imagine the pain that you are going through and each person is different but you know what you are missing since its soemthing that you used to have and dont anymore. On the other hand, us singles who were never married dont know what we are missing although we are sad and lonely.
May 19, 2011 6:28 pm at 6:28 pm #768265SilentOneMemberYour pain was so superlatively recognized by The Gaon HaRav Chaim Stein, Shlita. In addition to his public request (mentioned at the top of this thread), where he asked the Tzibbur to Daven for the Shidduchim of the Yiddishe Techter, the following dramatic event was noted by Rabbi Avrohom Birnbaum. It refers to the very tragic moment of the Levaya of HaRav Stein’s son in Cleveland, where Rav Stein Shlita delivered the Hesped:
May 19, 2011 6:33 pm at 6:33 pm #768266adorableParticipantare you from Cleveland?
May 19, 2011 7:48 pm at 7:48 pm #768267SilentOneMemberNo but I have a deep admiration for Rav Stein Shlita, may Hashem give him a Refuah Shleima. For him to request Hashem’s aid for Yiddishe Techter while his Niftar son was right in front of him, speaks volumes for his character and keen insight into the pain of Yiddishe Techter.
May 19, 2011 8:04 pm at 8:04 pm #768268chalilavchasMemberSilent, I fully agree wih you – please give us tips
Trust me, if I had answers I wouldnt be hiding or saving them. I do know that there are people who are MUCH smarter and more powerful than I am, and can and should do better to ameliorate the terribble Tzar being suffered by older singles looking for a Shidduch. Davening is very important and therapeutic, but not enough.
May 19, 2011 9:51 pm at 9:51 pm #768269adorableParticipantthere are no tricks there are no shortcuts. just daven and be the best that you can be! Hashem sees everything you do and all the effort that you put in and your yeshua will come. so will everyone else’s
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