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I decided to consolidate all my silly things this week. I had a lot of time to think of them.
1. The reason that during chazaras hashatz, we all say zachreinu l’chaim, mi chamocha, u’chsov, and bsefer chaim; is so that those who never remember to say it during the silent shmone esrei will get a chance. That is why we don’t say Hamelech hakadosh, because we all remember to say that eventually. As far as Hamelech Hamishpat- we are supposed to say it during chazaraz hashatz, but we don’t remember to ever.
2. So ??? has a child, and says ???? ??? ?? ? ?? ????? ???? ??. Which I roughly translate as; “This is funny, everyone who hears will make funny.”
Then, she sees yishmael, ????, making funny. And she complains.
The moral of the story is that that with women, you can never win. They will always complain.
3. In my shul, when the chazzan gets up to ??? ???????? ???? ????, we all take out out apples and honey.
Someone at my table wanted to know why we don’t say shem Hashem in the yehi ratzons on the simanim. I said because it is avoda zara, so why would we talk to Hashem.
4. After the tzveite kiddush, (the ershte kiddush is before chazaraz hashatz of shachris, the tzveite kiddush is before shofar), one of my siblings wanted to stay home and read Binah and go shluffy. But then we’d have a binah and shluffy year! But really, would a binah and shluffy year be so bad??
There may be more, but I can’t remember.
Lol. #2 is really good 🙂
If we aren’t supposed to sleep on Rosh hashana, why does the Rabbi speak, it’s lifnei iveir!
42 🙂
I like number three. Here’s the kapporos ad a friend and I thought up last year:
!!YOM KIPPUR SPECIAL!!
THREE — count ’em — THREE!!! Chayvei krisus for the price of a chicken:
1- Shchutei chutz
2- Hakravas baal mum
3- bringing a min sh’aino ra’ui lamizbeiach.
Chap arein before yom kippur while there’s still time to be judged!
Itche, I figured you’d like that one. But really, a chicken can only become Kadosh Labedek Habayis.
Not that this belongs here, but your other thread no longer exists.
The Rama says that one should say “L’shana tova tikasev” on RH night. The Mishna Berura adds that one should say “Tikaseivi” to women.
No one says that I should wish shana tova to my doorman, because he is not jewish. Why then does the MB say one should say this to women? I think he must have held that they are Jewish. And if the C”C held so, it should be good enough for you and me.
The only question that remains is why didn’t the Rama say this? Clearly, women were not considered Jewish as far back as the Rama. I would be curious to know at what point they became part of the tribe, and I would venture to say it was when they began learning Torah (i.e. beis yaacov movement). Therefore, one can only imagine what would be if they would start learning Talmud! Then they could not only be jews but even (dare I say?) Rabbis….
squeak,
The Beis Yaakov of Krakow was founded about a decade after the Mishnah Brurah was completed.
PBA: Simanim might seem weird (and I understand that this rant is mostly facetious), but they actually are mentioned in the Gemara (K’reisos 6 if I recall correctly). P’shat in why they are allowed is that the Gemara in Shabbos says that anything that actually works cannot be Darchei Ha’emori. The Lashon of that Gemara that I think is in K’risos is “Shma Mina that a Siman works”. They would be Darchei Haemori if not for the fact that they worked. That’s my P’shat, at least.
Sam2
Popa is synonymous with being facetious.
I usually do a double-take on those rare occasions when he isn’t 😉
AYC: Yeah, but his facetiousness is usually grounded in good Halachic fact and/or logic.
2. So ??? has a child, and says ???? ??? ?? ? ?? ????? ???? ??. Which I roughly translate as; “This is funny, everyone who hears will make funny.”
Then, she sees yishmael, ????, making funny. And she complains.
The moral of the story is that that with women, you can never win. They will always complain.
Popa, look in Rashi by Yishmael. I believe it means he was playing and shooting arrows at Yitzchok.
Why is it that the congregation always says zachreinu and mi chamocha before the chazan except during chazaras hashatz of shachris and mussaf of R”H and Y”K as well as Neila where the Artscroll says that only the chazan says it (although most modern shuls will sing along anyway, I always wondered if this is a hefsek in shofar)
The Rama that Squeak quoted is proof that you are allowed to greet women on Yom Tov.
Popa
Its only funny when they think its funny.
Well, I think it’s funny.
I had only 1 reflection of Haazinu weighing on mind:- Today September 7th is the earliest that Haazinu ever did or will occur in our lifetimes. This was also the earliest Shabbos Shuva ever, in our lifetimes.
The latest Haazinu shall be on October 17, 2043; The latest Shabbos Shuva was on October 12, 1929.
Being that Sarah “complained” exactly once in the Chumash, which was one of the times (or the only time?) Hashem told Avraham to listen to her words (re: Yishmael),I think it’s a poor example. I also wouldn’t use one of the Imahos for a joke about women. Popa,yita,…come on, now, you love your MOTHERS at least,don’t ya?
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