POLL, for turtles only.

By show of claws, how many turtles in this coffee room think humans are silly? I certainly do. They amass huge houses and cars and other funny habitats, full of innumerable pointless possessions, and then when Pesach comes around, they complain about how much they have to clean! Obviously, if you have a lot of stuff, you’ll have a lot of stuff to clean. We turtles are smart. Just the bare minimum is needed, and when Pesach comes around, all I have to do is lick my beak (that’s all I can reach with my tongue, so that’s the extent of my hishtadlus) and rub my shell against a sponge. I’m all set!

And another thing: humans are always worried about gebrokts and things like that. Why argue about it at all? Just do what I do – don’t eat matzah. I just eat maror, in the form of romaine lettuce, and uncooked and unsweetened tzimmes, the whole Pesach. Come to think of it, that’s what I eat all year round…

One more tainah, and I’m done. Why do humans need to rush? Rush to get out of slavery, rush to get into freedom, rush to flamethrow anything they see, rush to eat that last bit of chometz, rush to start shulchan orech? What’s the rush already? Is there a purpose to it? Do they do it just cus they know I can’t catch up to them? I like to take it slow. If I miss something, I figure I’ll catch up to it eventually. If everyone just slowed down, the world wouldn’t have half as many heart attacks as it does.

Rant over. Opinions needed. Other complaints welcome. Be green.