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“As opposed to the question of looks, where the person judging is the only person who’s opinion matters.”
the potential mother in law?
bygirl – thanks, I know. I was making the point that there was nothing to respond to. Showing the extreme example of a possible behavior does nothing but show that you’ve nothing to say.
I don’t think it is a stretch to say that many guys care more about a girl’s character than her appearance. I would want to date a girl who is sweet even though she is not so attractive, but I would not want to date a girl who is not sweet even though she is very attractive. This isn’t high school where you’re just trying to get the cutest girl. This is marriage.
apushatayid – yeah well, we all agree about that, no one waas talking about that. We were discussing the idea of the boy seeing a picture first.
So you’re equating the picture problem with a boy getting a farher ? So if they’d be asking for the girls transcript, it would be just as “demeaning” ? So your problem is that they have to prove themselves ? But we’ve spent the last few pages here discussing the role of looks in dating and marriage. So is it really the hashkafa here, or just pride… (Which might be an issue – I DO think its not nice. Its just a different issue altogether)
The issue is not seeing a girl or liking her appearance. It is the idea that one would not even meet a girl without seeing a photo first. It’s not like most girls are so repulsive that despite their sterling character, nobody would be interested in them that such precautions must be taken.
Yes, agreed, that’s the issue. And I was pointing out that you seemed to have a lot of other issues mixed in.
Is this about looks, or sterling character ?
If a girl/boy wants some objective plus, which is clearly not necessary for a good marriage, is that whats up here ?
“I don’t think it is a stretch to say that many guys care more about a girl’s character than her appearance. I would want to date a girl who is sweet even though she is not so attractive, but I would not want to date a girl who is not sweet even though she is very attractive. This isn’t high school where you’re just trying to get the cutest girl. This is marriage.”
Man, if only there were more guys out there with your logic!
No One Mourns The Wicked: It is universal logic. The alternate ‘logic’ is more accurately called immaturity.
Middlepath- thank you! Finally a guy with some sense! Care to share the wealth? A lot more people need to hear that-its a pity we cant have an asifa about it!- hey- that’s actually not a bad idea-a shidduch crisis asifa- with so many ppl there someone is bound to have a solution- and if not- who knows maybe some shidduchim will come out of it!-
Most girls do not look the same in real life as they do in a picture….
bump
No one mourns the wicked,
Since when does a man have to pick between one and the other? Let him marry an attractive and sweet girl? Is that too much to ask?
Even the most average guys have a stack of resumes that they choose from. Why should we settle for that sweet unattractive girl? At the end of the day its marriage we are talking about and attraction is an real and an integral part of it.
Looks isn’t a thing that is superficial and stupid. Why should I waste my time going out with girls I am not attracted to? Get me a picture so I wont break their hearts when they like me and I dump them because even though they are really nice and worthwhile people they will never be my wife as the attraction component is missing.
Girls- how many guys did you waste your time with because the guy didn’t get a picture and found you to be unattractive? Wouldn’t you wish that they were able to go out knowing that this guy already likes how you look because he has seen a picture of you? Or are you all so desperate and unsure of yourselves that you refuse to send out a picture with the rational that men who are “shallow” are not for you. WAKE UP! Attraction isn’t a shallow thing- it is real and you have little to loose sending a picture. If they like how you look how shallow can they be? right? If they don’t like how you look then you are not going to go out a 3rd time with him anyways.
Wow
infallible, there are many boys who marry girls that at first they weren’t so attracted to. not everyone asks for pics. what if they would have? maybe a few great shidduchim would not have come about.
infallible- yes looks are important and id also want to see a picture first. But dude come on, your making yourself sound way too shallow. You got way too much anger bro
For boys who are taught not to look at girls, it seems a little hypocritical to have them looking at PICTURES of girls.
infallible: no one if forced to go a second time. If you’re so negative about going out again, don’t. Making the picture a prerequisite to dating is pathetic.
I think that pictures shouldn’t be asked for but from the girl’s perspective she would probably recieve more possibilties if she gave a picture or maybe even two. Probably the same goes for bachurim and I don’t see what the difficulty is in getting yourself photographed.
Nah, I would get less if I included a picture. Girls are always turned away when they see how handsome I am, because they’re afraid other women will always be chasing me.
Of all the kol korays that have been issued in recent years, I am beyond shocked that our illustrious rabbanim have not issued one against this untzniusdig practice. NOBODY should be staring at a girl’s picture (or guy’s either), for purposes of deeming how ATTRACTIVE they are. It is one thing to meet someone face to face and be attracted or not. It is quite another to be examining a photo for such a purpose, and possibly reject someone SOLELY based on their looks, without even trying to get to know them.
this forum is just an excuse for the manifestation of tayva ask a shayla if you must
Oomis: In our illustrious rabbonim’s communities, this is not done at all, so no kol koreh’s.
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