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Hi,
We are trying very hard to plan a nice bas mitzvah on a super-tight budget. Does anyone have any ideas for a room we could rent in Brooklyn for under $400? We need it to hold about 100 people.
Also inexpensive good fleishig food or caterer…?
And an inexpensive photographer…?
B”H we have a friend who is doing the music.
All suggestions welcome.
Thanks.
Get a restaurant with a party room, they do not charge you rental fees and you can get food for about $20 a person
$20 a person for 100 people is $2,000. Overkill for a bas mitzvah and the OP said a $400 limit she wants.
$400 was for the room rental
You are not getting Kosher food for 100 people for $400
Just make a Bas Mitzvah the way it was always done. It is way below your budget – you’ll even have $400 to spare.
Zdad: is this one of the “chumros” those who’ve fallen on hard times should drop? It’s a fairly new innovation…
Sorry and no offense to the OP, I just HAD TO get it in.
Many of the shuls have a room that can be rented in your price range. It’s refreshing to see that a Bas Mitzvah is being planned that itsn’t ostentatious aqs has become the norm in some communities. A small party for classmates and close family is enough, not a mini chassanah.
If you cant afford a Bas Mitzvah dont have one.
And BTW I also think if you cant afford a wedding, have a much smaller one. There is no need for $50,000 weddings
Zahava’sDad, on the topic of lavish parties like Bas Mitzvah and weddings, you might enjoy this, from a shiur by R’ Itamar Schwartz, the author of the Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh seforim (which, by the way, are available online for free in English and are highly recommended). I also recommend reading the whole (transcribed) shiur — it’s quite a read!
“Is our life serving its proper purpose? I’ll give an example that applies even in Israel. There are weddings for 3-4 hours in the evening and people do whatever they can to make them bigger and bigger, and spend tens of thousands. Did Avraham marry Sarah also in such a way? Is Hashem really pleased with all this lavishness and these five-course dinners?
When a girl is born and they make a Kiddush, people say, ‘Mazal Tov,’ and fill their bellies with all the delicacies of the world. What is the point? Does anyone really think that Hashem is pleased that everyone is eating more and more kugel and cholent?
Although there was a minhag (custom) to make a Kiddush, the real minhag was to thank Hashem, except that in addition, since we have a body, we need to have some food to involve the body also in the simchah (celebration). They really wanted to thank Hashem, but they added a little food. Where has it come now? They don’t thank Hashem any more. So what remains? Just more and more food. If a person doesn’t want to make such a Kiddush, he is criticized for not keeping ancestral tradition. To the contrary, keep the minhag! Gather people who can understand gratitude to Hashem, and also add a little food for the body. But now, the soul of it, the thanks, is gone, and only the food for the body remains.
This was a single example of our whole way of life nowadays. The soul is more and more hidden, and there is more and more body. Had I not seen this with my own eyes, I would not believe it. If one doesn’t live here and suddenly visits and sees it, he cannot fathom this. Are these proper, sincerely religious Jews? It is unbelievable.”
My Bas Mitzva was alone with my parents at a fast food place, and it was really inspiring, I still remember it fondly. My parents each told me a Dvar Torah about taking on mitzvos.
Having a party just takes away from the experience.
If you want to save money on the Bas Mitzvah, you might want to ask your LOR if it’s at all appropriate to make any sort of party. This is an halachic issue, not “mere” hashkafa.
My understanding is that it should be in the house and for family (perhaps classmates, too, though I don’t recall the particulars). That should fit the budget.
There is no Halacha against having a Bas Mitzvah, Maybe in your community its looked down upon and thats a Hashkafa issue.
There is nothing wrong HALACHILY with a party as long its done properly (Like no mixed dancing) and nothing untzniut. I know plenty of very Hemish people who had one for the daughters and not in the house either.
Rav Moshe has about three teshuvos on bas mitzvah parties. So it is surely a halachic issue. He writes that it has no tradition in Judaism and was introduced by the conservatives and reforms. He strongly urges it not be done.
I believe that Sefardim believe in making a public Bat Mitzvah celebration.
Yo Adrienne: Sorry, my comment wasn’t directed at you at all; I just thought that was an interesting shiur, and had the urge to quote it once somebody brought up weddings. Sounds like you have a good plan — hatzlacha in doing it on a budget!
Mazel Tov on your dear daughter’s forthcoming Bat Mitzvah! May you be zocher for many more simachot with simcha in good health,and may you have much Yiddishe nachat from all your family!
Your daughter can have her friends and close family and make a beautiful d’var Torah and include some of the women in Tenach, and how they have influenced her life. You can also have the Challah Maven (She has a clip on You Tube), come and show all the girls’ how to bake challot, which is one of the most beautiful mitzvot to do. They can all bake challah as well, to take home. You can also give out little Tehillim, hafrashat Challah bracha, or Perek Shira, or the Todah Le Ha-Shem pamphlet (which can be found for free in many shops, including Jerusalem 2 pizza on B’way in Manhattan, in hebrew, english, french and spanish) for each one.
There are numerous ways that you can make your daughter’s Bat Mitzvah meaningful and to remember for the rest of her life. Much Hatzlacha Rabbah in all that you do with an abundance of HAGEFEN!
Beis Yaakov rents its space for bas Mitzvahs.
I dont think anyone here is advocating a huge over the top party
Ive seen the gammut of Bas Mitzvahs from nothing to Home partys to Beis Yaakov lunchroom , Shul/School Simcha rooms to halls to over the top with a DJ and dancers and fancy food.
Nothing wrong with giving your daughter a special day, She will remember it for her whole lifetime.
The only argument I have against a home party is you have to setup cook serve and clean for all the guests. You cant enjoy the party and the nachas. Let someone else do the setup cooking serving and cleaning
It seems that this thread is suffering from a common thread ailment. The OP wants advice and/or suggestions. Instead of this, she is subjected to one or more of the following:
1. Don’t do what you want to do, it’s pas nisht.
2. Your values are too materialistic.
3. Previous generations cared about what Hashem wants, and you don’t.
4. I know exactly what Hashem wants, and I always do exactly that.
5. From a halachic point of view, you are doing an aveirah. Shame on you.
Please, lay off. She asked for advice, not mussar. YOu need to give mussar? Talk to the mirror.
old man -“5. From a halachic point of view, you are doing an aveirah. Shame on you.
Please, lay off. She asked for advice, not mussar.”
While you have a point, this OP might be interested in what the Godol HaDor has said regarding this. She might be ignorant about Bas Mitzvahs and the posters can make her informed.
Joseph previously quoted R’ Moshe zt’l and I’m reposting it:
“Max Well – Joseph
2. Iggros Moshe, OH, 1:104″
“In the matter of a Bas Mitzvah:
Regarding those who want to make a ceremony and celebration for the girls when they become bas mitzvah. Behold, one should not do this in a synagogue, regardless, even at night, because the synagogue is not a place to do optional, non-mitzvah matters, even if it was constructed with a stipulation. And this ceremony of the bas mitzvah is certainly only an optional matter and it is a matter of nonsense and there is no basis to allow it to be done in the synagogue. Certainly this is even more so since the source of this practice comes from the Reform and Conservative. Only if the father wants to make a celebration in his house is he allowed. But there is no basis to consider this a mitzvah matter or the meal a mitzvah meal, for it is nothing more than a birthday celebration.
Old man,
Not that it’s the same, but if someone came here to ask if they should go to Burger King or MacDonalds, would you expect people to ignore the fact that the OP was doing something wrong?
If you post asking for advice in the CR, expect those with halachic OR hashkafic objections to voice them. And expect someone (as you did) to come along and object to the objections. That’s what the CR is all about.
As far as giving musser – aren’t you doing just that?
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