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Is it appropriate for a girl in shidduchim to put a picture of herself on her shidduch resume?
If she is fat, she should stand next to a pillar and half hide behind it.
Alternatively, you can do an angle shot.
Or wear stripes?
Why would any girl want to do that? I find it offensive and sexist, unless the guys are required to do so as well. In fact, no one (guy or girl) should have to put a pic. It’s the inside that counts.
picture good. How much money her parents will give a month even better.
Depends on what she looks like. However I can’t understand why any girl would want to do that.
I find it offensive and sexist, unless the guys are required to do so as well.
I don’t see how it would make you happier if guys also did it. Your problem isn’t that it is sexist, your problem is that it is offensive.
It’s degrading to the girl.
popa_bar_abba, it’s sexist because it’s gender specific. Are guys required to submit pictures for evaluation? No, they’re not. That makes it sexist. An example of offensive would be: only girls who are size two may submit pictures for evaluation. All other must wait until all the size twos are engaged.
Obviously we won’t agree here. We can argue all you want, but I have my opinions and you have yours.
I have my opinions and you have yours.
actually popa generally does not have his opinions. he just likes to have fun.
Anything which is gender specific is sexist? Whose koolaid have you been drinking?
actually popa generally does not have his opinions. he just likes to have fun.
Hmmm.
it’s sexist because it’s gender specific.
I find many faults with pictures, including being offensive, lack of tznius, degrading, not in accordance with yiddishkeit and mores of marriage. And shidduch resume pictures should not be done. But sexist? gender specific? Not quite. Life is correctly gender specific in many areas.
How about the young men having resume’s? Only the girls have resumes. I’d be happy if they would just have a resume, forget about the picture!
Yes, I think it is. For example: men claiming women belong in the kitchen is sexist. Likewise, people thinking men shouldn’t cook or bake is sexist, too. Etc. When it comes to halacha, where the Torah/Rabbis forbid something (like girls learning gemara, or women dressing a certain way), then I can’t argue with that. But the fact that men should do something while women shouldn’t, or women should do something while men shouldn’t, to me it is sexist.
How do YOU define sexism then?
Who came up with all of this anyway? Why does it matter what a girl looks like? For a religion that is all about doing mitzvos, helping each other out, middos, valuing one’s neshama, this is all hypocritical, IMO. Sure it is very important for a guy to feel attracted to his wife, but this is one of the shallowest things I’ve ever seen in the frum community. And I take it very seriously because I am part of the frum Jews where this is being practiced. I have a right to be upset if it bothers me. I bet many guys would choose personality over looks any time. And one that does not, does not deserve to have a wife with a good personality. I’m sorry. I don’t want to get nasty, but we are acting almost as bad as the goyim here…
Oh, and you think girls don’t have the right to want to feel attracted to their husbands? Why is it that girls need to settle for okay when the guys only want the top. This reminds me of a documentary I watched about some third world country where there were massive growths on people’s bodies (mostly faces). All the men were married, but the women? No way! Men must have pretty wives, right? What about the women? I think instead of encouraging boys to look at looks (and I mean size two, too) their parents should teach them how to find the gem inside. Remember, diamonds are covered in dirt until you clean them.
How about the young men having resume’s? Only the girls have resumes.
I would happily write up a resume if anyone would have ever requested it. Nobody did.
So am I sexist?
But the fact that men should do something while women shouldn’t, or women should do something while men shouldn’t, to me it is sexist.
Define further please. Do you mean even if there is a good reason which makes sense?
For example, suppose there are separate bathrooms for men and women, does that bother you?
Suppose that girls in Orthodox communities have shidduch resumes because of the laws of supply and demand, but boys don’t, does that bother you?
QB: While I agree with you on the picture issue, your diatribe about sexism comes directly from Gloria Steinem’s book of radical feminism.
there is no picture on my resume and i don’t want one on my resume. if a guy is so desperate to know what i look like he should agree to meet face to face (ie say yes to a date)
It is a smart and dumb idea. Both at once.
Smart) If looks are so important to a guy, why excite the girl with a date?
Dumb) It’s happened that you get to like someone regardless of looks after talking for a little while.
Most of us (guys) are expected to have resumes as well. I’m almost always asked for one. (And btw, for some reason I actually find it sort of off-putting when the girl’s picture is on hers…)
“For example, suppose there are separate bathrooms for men and women, does that bother you?”
No, that does not.
“Suppose that girls in Orthodox communities have shidduch resumes because of the laws of supply and demand, but boys don’t, does that bother you?”
I’m sure I’m not the only girl who feels like this. You may not agree with my opinions, and that’s fine. Don’t make a joke out of it. And this is my last comment on this subject. I have better things to do with my time.
Huh? Why does my making sense out of something that bothers you mean I am making it into a commodity?
If doctors charge money for kidney transplants, does that make life a commodity?
Look, there is no malicious intent on anybody’s part here, and it has nothing to do with relative valuations of men and women. It is just about reality.
How about the young men having resume’s?
I don’t think its as common, but I have heard of guys having resumes.
When Eliezer went to find a shidduch for Yitzchak, I am sure he
didn’t even have a drawing/picture of him. One of the rosh yeshivas
in yerushalayim gave a parsha shiur on this. (As this is the longest parsha in the torah and what we can learn out from it).
QB- from all my observations on this topic, sexism gets to be a weapon in the hands of women when they feel undervalued or are otherwise grumpy. the day that you start arguing that woman should shlepp luggage just like men do, build the sukkah like men do, take out the garbage like men do, and do any dirty hands on work in the house like men do, thats the day you can yell and kck and scream about the grievious injustices that men consistently inflict on women. this smacks of feminism, and though your indignance seems to be genuine, please realize what your really asking for.
I do not see why both the boys and the girls resumes should not include a picture. If questions about china or plastic are relevant information for shidduchim, certainly what the people look like should be at least as relevant.
This should be forbidden as Jewish girls are not some kind of hollywood celebrities to show off their looks.
“It’s the inside that counts.”
stick a picture of a kidney or a spleen on the resume 😛
bomb
That was so funny!
lakewoodbt, thank you. My thoughts exactly.
QB- in terms of my reply to the actual topic- its terrible. a its not tznius. b its not tznius. c it can shut down a shidduch for the dumbest reason ” o i didnt imagine marrying someone that looks like THAT “. i agree its terrible. but im sick of hearing how terrible men are at everything except growing a beard, and how lazy they are except when it comes to eating.
bomb- I had a GOOD laugh!!!! LMTO
But lately a guy who was setting me up- was like
“RedNails, none of the guys need to see how pretty you are- just send your resume- no pic”
so I’m taking his advice and saying bye bye pic- if u wanna c me- either go out with me or go and say hello to the other 400 resumes you have sitting in your mothers kitchen cabinet…
But I agree there is a fine line….
Its hard.
I say, to each his own.
You mean each to her own.
Toi, we kind of agree. You are sick of hearing/seeing negativity on men, I’m sick of hearing/seeing how women are treated. No, I am not a feminist, but there are really certain areas (especially with dating) that is unfair to girls. Yeah, that’s the reality and I can’t change it. Maybe it’s best I stay away from such topics in the future.
I think resumes in general, and photos in particular are a bad idea, because if the boys saw how much of a disadvantage they are at, when compared to the girls, they would never have the guts to go on a date.
Think of it like the way the Shechina conceals its true essence, to enable us the ability to function in its presense. (If I’m not mistaken, this is also the reason women are charged with a greater degree of tznius than are men. They wield more power, hold more potential, and its not to be taken lightly)
No, better the boys they think they have the upper hand. At least this way, the shidduch has a chance of getting off the ground.
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