Pesach – Staying Home vs. Going Away

kapusta: actually some do say that! we give weekly tours!

We had a very interesting Pesach. I had invited a couple whose grown children were all away for Pesach to come to both sedarim. I have done this for several years now – it is not so easy for the wife to prepare for the sedarim anymore. They live within walking distance, but it is hard for the wife to walk too much, so she was dropped off by car before we bensched licht, and had a wheelchair to use for the walk home. Unfortunately, the wheelchair turned out to be not in the best state of repair, and she could not sit in it, so she ended actually walking home holding onto the wheelchair for some support. By the middle of the night she was in terrible pain from back and leg ailments from the walking, and her husband came by to tell us that there was unfortunately no way she could walk over for the second seder. So, we packed up all the food that I had prepared for the next seder, put it in my granddaughter’s stroller that we keep at my house as a backup, and brought the seder to our friends. We had a wonderful time, and they were so happy not to have to be alone. I would not trade the look on their faces, for all the free hotel accommodations in the world.

Thank you for the kind words. It was my pleasure and zechus, and we benefited as well, from having an even more meaningful seder that night.

I don’t know about that, Cantoresq. Sounds pretty impressive to ME!!!! Yasher Koach to your son, in particular. I think you have the right idea. It’s more important for the kids to be ABLE to stay up for the whole seder, than it is to prolong it. I still laugh when I remember how we all came to shul bleary-eyed, everyone trying to “my-seder-was-longer-than-yours” each other. Yes, it is commendable when talmidei chachomim sat until shacharis time telling over their D”T, but for most little kiddies, for whom the seder is expressly designed, if they are up until chad gadya by midnight, that is a wonderful accomplishment. (just a note, I nearly fell asleep in the middle of shfoch chamoscha). This Daylight Savings Time thing just doesn’t work for me until AFTER Pesach. We did start the Shul time a 1/2 hour later than usual both mornings, in order to make it a tad easier for everyone to catch a few extra zzzzs. My hubby was up for hashkama, anyway.

we were supposed to have a few guests from a group home however, there was a little bit of problems there and some of the people had rashes so they couldn’t come. one person has been our steady guest for all the Holidays for many years already. we delivered goodies before Yom Tov, however, it wasn’t the same. the first night we were alone.

I tell over the Hagada and let each child tell a few thoughts from what they learned however, I save most of the D’vrei Torah from the kids for the Afternoon Seuda.

The second night we had a single fellow over. my girls like to sing so we had a bit of a seder and a half. after our guest left, we went back into the hagada and I gave my girls an opportunity to sing various parts.

oomis, what a wonderful chessed you did. Kol Ha’kavod!! That is a beautiful way to have a seder. By giving of yourself in such a way.

So I was thinking about this a lot over Chag.

I sort of did go away to a hotel. We packed up, sold our house, and went to my sister. Then we went to my mother. I was not responsible for any cooking or cleaning or anything like that.

I had a wonderful Chag. Not doing the cooking and cleaning didnt take away from my enjoyment. And, I was just as tired as those who scrubbed and cooked LOL.

im staying home!

Home it is! And inviting the usual suspects…

When I once said I wish I could afford to go away for Pesach, my neighbor (at that time) said if I could afford to go away, I could afford to stay home. Hire a cleaning crew and hire a cook. I’d have all the advantages of staying home with the advantages of not having to do any work.

Now all I have to do is find a way to afford the cleaning crew and the cook. 🙂

If I am staying home, can I still call you names?

I am with achosid on this one. Some people have legit reasons for going to a hotel for Pesach but I really feel it is the wrong thing to do. Besides the fact that cleaning for chametz is supposed to be a process equal to ridding ourselves of our yetzer hora, and how we clean is sometimes very telling about how we go about ‘cleaning’ ourselves.

I also see being in the hotel to be so indulgent and the activities are so contrary to what we should be spending our time on.

This year I don’t feel like I am coping, life has been a bit difficult lately and I believe Pesach will magnify my losses of family members. I would love to pick up and go anywhere for Pesach, but I would hope I could stay true to my beliefs if push came to shove. Instead I am wishing for an empty house in a new town where it still ‘just us’ but with a fresh feel. (a woman can dream, can’t she?)

Where? I would still clean my house (see above post) but if the kids could be in new surroundings it might take the edge off the lonliness.

Syag: Have you ever been to a hotel?

Most people think that it’s all like those glossy ads in Mishpacha, with Pesach in Venice or on safari or what have you. Some are, some aren’t.

Do you know anyone who goes to a hotel, whether one of these or any other (and yes, there are others that are not like Versailles ignoring the poor of Paris, “let them eat sponge cake,” etc etc)? Happens to be, I do go to a hotel. I also clean and cook for Pesach every single year. (For full disclosure, I go with my father’s side of the family for two days of yom tov and chol hamoed and spend the other days of yom tov at home with my mother’s side.) As I experience both ends every single year, I can tell you that in my personal opinion, my yamim tovim at home are not inherently more spiritual in any way than are those at the hotel. At both I have had beautiful sedarim with various sides of the family. At both I have had amazing food- whether I made it myself or someone else did. At both I have experienced family meals and togetherness- and actually, as I’m sure you’ve realized over the years, all that the waiter service does is ensure that it’s more enjoyable. On Pesach the slaves were freed- there is no inyan that the women HAVE to be tied to the kitchen. There is nothing about the hotel experience inherently against anything that Pesach stands for- just against the image in people’s minds.

I have no problem with people who prefer the comforts of home- I can definitely see the appeal myself- but self-righteous condemnation of the way that someone else chooses to enjoy their yom tov is, IMHO, to quote your above phrase, “the wrong thing to do.”

we used to stay away, but then decided it would be best if we went home.

Syag: I didn’t mean to be offensive, but calling something common that people do that is not objectively problematic “the wrong thing to do” (especially without any substantive reason why it is wrong) is condemnation, and the tone felt self-righteous. You bring up “staying true to your beliefs”- I can see how the whole Pesach cleaning thing may be a belief that is important to you, but I honestly think that what other people do should have nothing to do with your beliefs unless it is outright cheit. This isn’t.

I’m sorry- I’m not nearly as objective as I like to be (or, at least feel) when I comment. I’m sure everyone can relate to the feeling that it’s not pleasant to have someone say that something that you’ve been doing for many years is wrong or despicable (though I admit that that one sounded like a troll to me), especially when it absolutely is not. If that’s made me nasty (nastier than usual?) then I do apologize. I just don’t believe that something this innocuous should be blasted like this, apparently with little cause.

Here I step back, so feel free to have the last word.