Go to your parents the first days, and your inlaws the last days. This way, when you show up all the hard work is already done. And on motzei yontiff when there is all sorts of work to do, nobody gets mad at you for slinking off because you are a son-in-law (or daughter in law). “
I did go to my parents for the entire yom tov every year until the last five before they were niftar (and those five years they came to me, instead). My husband and I came to them a day early,brought all the dishes and keilim down from the attic, and turned over the kitchen for my mom. We helped cook, set the table, serve and take away the dishes, and watched our kids ourselves and kept them playing quietly, so my parents could rest in the afternoons. I don’t think we could be accused of slacking off. yes, it CAN be done!