- This topic has 30 replies, 14 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 2 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
i am natrually a more reserved person i guess, but i think deep down i rly am outgoing.. at least at home i am. idk why just when thrs a bunch of ppl i just get a lot more quiet and reserved and every1 sees me like this but i know im actually rly outgoing and w/e i just idk how to b more outgoing and be more sociable and how to imporove my social skills. BH i have a sense of humor but i kind of like dont knwo how to use it in public cuz im always to shy to.. if tht makes any sense. ok so if u have any advice how to fix this please help!!
Why does it need “fixing”?
workinonit, Why are you trying to change your personality?
just be happy with who you are.
There are so many talkers but not enough listeners… ppl value you for who you are not for how many friends you have.
What scares you about being yourself in public?
she’s acting too girly with all her likes
lol
workinonit, Please work on NOT apologizing so much. That is not good for your self-confidence and self-esteem. There is no reason for it. So that is one thing you can work on.
Second, rejection hurts and it is a bit humiliating but it is not life threatening so we just have to get used to it breathe through it and move on. It certainly is NOT comfortable but it happens to all of us. We all have to learn to deal with it some time in our life. So add a few friends of friends to your circle and try. Keep adding to your circle and keep participating it will become easier and easier as you practice. Life can’t be safe all the time. But you have to keep working on it and trying. After an experience good or bad stand in front of your mirror and tell yourself “that went well” or “That didn’t go so well, but here I am still in one piece, I will have to try again.” How does that sound, do you think you can try it?
I find that by keeping quiet in a large group I learn alot….
Greet everyone ‘b’seiva panim yafos’ (Avos), see it as a Mitzva you have to do, this will automatically make you outward going.
Someone asked a Baalie Mussar ‘should he study all the mussar books to change his personality for the better, he answered all you have to do is keep all the 613 mitzvos, and not break the 218 aveiros, if you do that, your personality will automatically change.
Im surprised nobody asked her age before giving advice.
I was and still am a bit like you. I have a personality that doesn’t get out usually but in one place/situation I was finally able to be myself. I’m hoping it will last throughout this coming year but my advice: go for therapy. It is most likely an insecurity that prevents you from being yourself. I know its a “stigma” but ignore it and do what you need to, to improve your life. Besides, nobody has to know that you went. Too many people think “its not for them, not my thing,etc.” and loose out big time. Don’t make that mistake.
workinonit- when u said that u do brave things and don’t get the reaction u want then it’s because what ur doing isnt really u. people get weirded out when a normally shy girl all of the sudden does something outrageous. u just have to be urself. and u also have to know who u really are. I used to hear that alot and i was like- what does that even mean, know who i am??- but it’s really true. People appreciate the real you, not someone who u think u wanna be. and when u get comfortable with how u r, u’ll appreciate u too.
workinonit: i’ve had experience with this matter since i went through it myself..i really no how you feel. Its terrible when you feel like you are not portraying yourself in the way you really are and you feel like people never get to know the real you although you wish they did. You probably feel like if you did act yourself people would like you better and you would have more friends. To me it sounds like you might have something called Social Anxiety. Do some research online, google it,and read about it and see if it matches what you feel like. Please post when you do, i want to help you!
“Im (sic) surprised nobody asked her age before giving advice.”
This is clearly a female teen in the process of finding herself based upon the op.
workinonit, Do you have this problem during one-on-one convos too? Because lots of people have issues showing their true personalities in front of large groups of people. It’s very normal and there is no reason why you should push yourself to change that.
If, however you are more shy and reserved than usual during one-on-one conversation and small groups, it might be worth working on it so you can enjoy socializing more.
Also, you mention that you are much more relaxed and expressive at home. But are you also comfortable around extended family, neighbors and close friends? Is this “problem” only among acquaintances and strangers? Or are you shy around people who you know well too?
workinonit-Okay, first of all, you definitely don’t sound like you’re socially awkward because you seem to be doing well around your close friends (even though it’s still different than with family).
i feel like i used to talk much more than i do now, and like i never had to think before i said anything cuz i always had to sm to say and it was comfortable!….
now i feel like i’m more awkward but i think it’s cuz i’m thinking more before i say anything[LH or anything else derogatory].. i dont really like how i’m more awkward especially around people who used to be my close friends its so upsetting 🙁
I also realized that when i’m thinking in my head so much “Is this awkward? is this awkward?” it ends up being awkward, but when i don’t think about it, the conversation was really going good 🙂
i really have the same problem workinonit…but guess what im really trying to workonit (:P). what i think you need to do is first learn to really LIKE yourself..and appreciate yourself for who u are. once you do..u could think to yourself..you know what i am who i am..and im gonna say what i want and who cares if so and so thinks that was a weird comment i like what i said and thats what counts. you can also think: you know how many times u were with people and they said things that u thought came out weird? it always happens.and u don’t really think anything different of the person after..everyone’s entitled! so just work on appreciating yourself for who you are..and once you do ull act urself naturally. (i hope) also, do you find that when u speak to someone ur very focused on what they’re thinking about you the whole time and if they think youre weird?
workinonit i knwo exactly how u feel
wow peanut ur right and thanks, i probabaly had a much higher self esteem when i talked without thnking
hows it going with this workinonit?
maybe you should just try to accept who you are. Maybe you really naturally are a quiet person. quiet people could have a lot to offer. thats what i learn over the years..i used to have the same depressing feelings as you and i still do sometimes but i try to focus on my good qualities..like im a very good listener…and im more of a deep person, i think a lot because im not always the one talking or partying…as long as your not shy in school because i was really really and it was soooo hard for me..:(
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.