Home › Forums › Family Matters › Parenting: Watching Children vs. Independence
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July 14, 2011 9:23 pm at 9:23 pm #597984DroidMember
At what age should a child be watched like a hawk until? At what age should a child be given the independence to venture on his own? What age should a child be allowed to cross the street himself? And what age should a child be allowed to walk a few blocks by himself? Does it make a difference between boys and girls? At what (minimum) age is one child old enough to watch his siblings without his parents?
July 14, 2011 10:56 pm at 10:56 pm #786886Another nameParticipantQuestions like these have no set answer. It depends on so many factors, mentality, culture, the individual child, nature vs. nurture, etc.
However, I do look forward to hearing all the opinions on this discussion…
July 14, 2011 11:14 pm at 11:14 pm #786887Derech HaMelechMemberLike everything else in parenting, I don’t think that there is a one size fits all kids here. you need to know your kids and you need to know your neighborhood.
July 14, 2011 11:47 pm at 11:47 pm #786888DroidMemberShare your opinion, with your reasoning, based on your locality and let us know the where’s and why’s.
July 15, 2011 4:34 am at 4:34 am #786889DroidMemberIn addition to the above questions, another relevant point is what to tell a child to do if he is c’v lost?
July 15, 2011 2:21 pm at 2:21 pm #786890DroidMemberAny ideas or suggestions? (Would be most appreciated!)
July 15, 2011 5:39 pm at 5:39 pm #786891DroidMemberHere are some thoughts:
Never let a child out of your sights until age 7.
Child can walk outside alone on your block at age 8.
Child can walk outside on neighboring blocks at age 10.
Child can cross streets at age 11.
Child can cross avenues at age 12.
Child can babysit siblings at age 14.
If a child is c’v lost, he should be trained to speak to a uniformed officer. Barring that, a woman.
July 17, 2011 4:39 am at 4:39 am #786892mommamia22ParticipantI would add, a woman WITH CHILDREN.
I would also suggest, from personal experience, that children be taught to go into a store and tell an employee they need help.
I was once followed as a ten year old child by a group of scary looking teenagers. I went into a store and told the man working there what was happening. He gave me the phone and told me to call my parents. Any place that’s populated where others can see the presence of the child and their interactions with adults is ideal.
July 17, 2011 2:26 pm at 2:26 pm #786893koillel101Memberthat children be taught to go into a store and tell an employee they need help.
This makes sense to me. And the idea of a woman with children if there are no stores is good eventhough a psycho can have their own kids too as a coverup but it is hopefully not the case.
July 17, 2011 2:56 pm at 2:56 pm #786894DroidMemberSo you would recommend he speak only to a woman with children but not a childless woman or any man? What if there were no women with children the lost child can find to ask for help?
July 18, 2011 4:43 am at 4:43 am #786895aries2756ParticipantSome of the things I tell others:
Put your cell phone numbers in your child’s shoes, so they always have it. Also their coats/jackets and knapsacks. If they are lost or someone tries to get to them, they can always ask to borrow someone’s phone and call a parent. Its not enough that they know their home number by heart.
Let your kids know not to go anywhere without telling you, even if it is with someone they know. Mommy always need to know where they are.
Never, ever, ever keep secrets from Mommy. Especially when someone tells you to. That is when you especially need to tell Mommy. Mommy will never be angry at you that you tell her someone’s secret.
Mommy has lots of candy and mommy’s candy is always good and never dangerous. Don’t ever take candy from anyone even if they are Jewish. Some people are very mean even if they look nice and they can put dangerous things in the candy or they might want you to do something in exchange for the candy. So if anyone offers you candy run home and tell mommy.
If anyone asks you for help run home and tell Mommy. Adults don’t need help from children they can get help from other adults.
If anyone tells you that Mommy sent them to pick you up, If you don’t know them scream and yell and run away. If you do know them tell them to give you their cell phone so you can call mommy or tatty and double check.
Teach your children not to sit on people’s laps including Rebbeim. After preschool when there are no longer 3 morahs in the class there is no need for such close contact and no one to supervise that there is nothing inappropriate going on. Tell the children that they are now big boys and they are to say “My Mommy doesn’t let”. No hugging either just hand shakes.
July 18, 2011 7:16 am at 7:16 am #786896m in IsraelMemberdroid — A woman with children is less likely to be a molester out looking for a victim. Obviously you can never be 100% sure about anyone (including policemen, etc.). But if a child is in a situation where they are lost and have no choice, I teach my children to look for the following in THIS ORDER:
1) Policeman in a uniform
2) Worker behind the counter in a store with people inside
3) Lady with children
I don’t think it likely that my kids would be somewhere without any of these 3 categories.
I also think aries ideas are great, especially with regard to making sure your child has your cell-phone number with them at all times.
July 18, 2011 6:53 pm at 6:53 pm #786897fix-it-upMemberdont stifle ur kids bbut keep them safe bederech hateva
July 18, 2011 11:37 pm at 11:37 pm #786898DroidMemberI think everyone agrees with that sentiment. The devil is in the details. How do you keep them safe without stifling them?
July 18, 2011 11:57 pm at 11:57 pm #786899Another nameParticipantIf you show the children how much you care about them, they won’t feel stifled. They will feel loved and will you usually respect your rules (eventually).
July 19, 2011 12:12 am at 12:12 am #786900DroidMemberThe question here was — in your opinion and situation — what do you think “the rules” should be?
July 19, 2011 1:03 am at 1:03 am #786901Another nameParticipantDepends on child’s age, but don’t walk home alone in the dark, try to walk on more populated streets, safety in numbers, better to call and get a ride than to go home very late alone, etc.
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