Older Single Males – Who Is At Fault?

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  • July 1, 2011 4:33 pm at 4:33 pm #597744
    Pac / Man
    Member

    (It was requested that this discusussion not take place on the other thread as it is off the support theme of it.)

    While in a distinct minority of cases, nebech, a man finds himself unable to marry (or marry late) for various unusual reasons, by and large the older guys are mostly a self-inflicted problem.

    I’m sure we needn’t reiterate all the issurim in not getting married, or even getting married late that comes about.

    And furthermore, it is noteworthy to point out the halachic penalties of being single, including being precluded from davening for the amud on Yomim Noraim (and Shabbos?), not wearing a Talis, etc.

    And, again, we are not talking about single 18 year old guys, but rather 28 year olds. And this issue isn’t as relevant to older unmarried women, as their are less issurim and less available men for them.

    July 1, 2011 4:38 pm at 4:38 pm #782341
    adorable
    Participant

    does a guy have a chiyuv to remarry if he has only daughters from his first wife?

    July 1, 2011 4:42 pm at 4:42 pm #782342
    YW Moderator-80
    Member

    (It was requested that this discusussion not take place on the other thread as it is off the support theme of it.)

    thank you pacman

    July 1, 2011 4:42 pm at 4:42 pm #782343
    zahavasdad
    Participant

    28 is not old to be single 40 is old to be single.

    I got married at 28 and it was the perfect age, every person has the perfect age to get married and I am sure for most 18 is not it (I know it wasnt for me)

    July 1, 2011 4:42 pm at 4:42 pm #782344
    epis
    Member

    What is wrong with you people? There is a man who cant get married due to various problems or situations and hes torn up about it. he is unable to find a partner in life while all of his friends go off and get married. It is very hard on this guy emotionaly, physically, and socially, and here you are married and happy telling him all of the thing hes doing wrong bc he didnt meet his special person!!!!????

    July 1, 2011 4:44 pm at 4:44 pm #782345
    grada
    Member

    this guy isnt going through a lot of problems emotionally and socially he doesnt need you telling him all of his wrongdoings

    July 1, 2011 4:56 pm at 4:56 pm #782346
    YW Moderator-80
    Member

    im with you epis

    July 1, 2011 4:56 pm at 4:56 pm #782347
    Pac / Man
    Member

    grada: those who cant get married because of various problems, were specifically excluded from this discussion. They are totally innocent and to be helped.

    But someone is getting older single “because he didn’t meet his special person”, they ARE the problem.

    July 1, 2011 4:56 pm at 4:56 pm #782348
    YW Moderator-80
    Member

    zahavasdad

    depends on the community

    July 1, 2011 5:00 pm at 5:00 pm #782349
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Heck, I got married at 21 and there are those who will tell me that I am sinful for having waited so long.

    The Wolf

    July 1, 2011 5:00 pm at 5:00 pm #782350
    zahavasdad
    Participant

    I am well aware of that, Most family members did get married early. Although it seems the girls get married around 20 and the Boys around 23-25. This is yeshivish not Chassidic

    July 1, 2011 5:12 pm at 5:12 pm #782351
    adorable
    Participant

    epic- well said. I could not agree with you more. guys whats wrong with you? if you have something to say to someone whos not married go over to him and tell him.

    July 1, 2011 5:15 pm at 5:15 pm #782352
    A Woman Outside Brooklyn
    Participant

    Absolutely there are older single guys who’ve ended up in that situation on their own, without having any particular “issues”. Having organized singles events, I’m quite familiar with guys who are now in their 40’s, who’ve been dating since they were in their early 20’s and still are looking for Miss Perfect. I know of one case where a fellow came over to a group of us women at a simcha and said he’s looking for a woman no older than her mid 30’s, because he wants to have kids. Well, hello, if there was no one good enough for him over the past 20 years, what makes him think there will be now?

    Sure, I hope everyone finds their bashert, but in some cases, it appears that a certain element is always looking over the shoulder of whomever they’re dating to see if there’s someone better out there.

    And that’s just one of the many reasons why some fellows are still single. As many shiurim note, we’ve been victimized by the Hollywood concept of “falling in love”.

    July 1, 2011 5:16 pm at 5:16 pm #782353
    YW Moderator-80
    Member

    um

    not that i have any particular poster in mind

    the official policy here is to allow only one screen name per person.

    although this is almost never enforced, it is when the two identities post in the same thread to support each other

    ok?

    July 1, 2011 5:18 pm at 5:18 pm #782354
    adorable
    Participant

    who are you speaking to? ME?

    July 1, 2011 5:19 pm at 5:19 pm #782355
    YW Moderator-80
    Member

    no

    July 1, 2011 5:22 pm at 5:22 pm #782356
    YW Moderator-80
    Member

    im with you non-brooklyn woman

    July 1, 2011 5:29 pm at 5:29 pm #782357
    always here
    Participant

    epis~ I agree with you & find this thread to be insensitive, hurtful, judgmental, & insulting. :/

    July 1, 2011 5:41 pm at 5:41 pm #782358
    TheGoq
    Participant

    What should i do to appease you who will never understand should i lay my whole life bare and tell u all that i have endured, then will i get a pass? no probably so go ahead if it makes you feel better assign blame to me it is all my fault happy?

    July 1, 2011 6:02 pm at 6:02 pm #782359
    I can only try
    Member

    What can possibly be gained by doing this?

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