Older Bachur in the parsha

you can go to Touro in the afternoon for college and learn in a yeshiva in the city

Being Real: Do you want to leave Lakewood, or would you rather stay there?

why dont you take one of those accounting courses offered in lkwd?

I JUST dont know if you would be allowed to do that while living in the “irv”

landers in queens seems to get a number of past-BMG full timers

Here’s my advice:

The tenor of this thread seems like you are looking for a place where you can learn much of the day, and that will have some sort of college situation. I don’t think that is what you should be looking for.

You should figure out what sort of college you want to go to. Do you have a BTL already and want to go to law school (usually a bad idea unless you are in the 99th percentile of LSAT scorers)? Do you want to go for accounting? Nursing? OT? MBA? PA?

Then, find a program that will work well for you. And then find a chavrusah to learn with at night or find a yeshiva in the area with a shiur you can go to if you can schedule your classes around it.

Meaning, you say you are an “older bachur”. I’m guessing you mean at least 26. So you should figure out what you want to do and do it. Most of the things you might want to do are really not going to work as a night program at this point, and you shouldn’t limit yourself to the few programs available for half day learning which are intended for people much younger than you who have much more time.

There are options out there for you. Truth is, I even once met a fellow from BMG who had then gone to Yale College at about your age. Nice fellow, if he’s reading this.

And don’t sweat the shidduchim–there’s plenty girls who will want a working BMG guy.

Lander College (Part of Touro) was a great place for my son. I think how much older of a bachur you are. might make a difference in how comfortable you would be in that environment.

Just keep on davening. that eorks

Meanwhile there are several Segulos circulating with the advent of Rosh Chodesh Ellul, such as 1000 hours of non-stop praying at Mekomos heKedoshim and 40 days at Amuka.

You being real may want to sign up onto one of these Segulo programs.

My friend,

I definitely do get your situation. Also, if you have been learning in BMG type yeshivos for 6-8 years, you are not looking for a place like Landers.

There is no such thing as a BMG type yeshiva which allows college. And frankly, it is a bit too late for you to start doing college at nights–you need a real plan now.

That doesn’t mean you aren’t serious about your learning or that it isn’t foremost–it means that you are also serious about the rest of life.

being real- yasher koach on point b. It is dangerous

Ner yisroel might be your type of place, or at least the closest to what you are looking for. However, I’m not sure how many single guys your age are there.

why dont you just tell us more about you so we can find you a shidduch!!!

on one hand learning is very important, and I highly value learning Torah, on the other hand I want to be able to afford to raise children without being on welfare for twenty years or more. I personally want to go into chinuch but its not realistic for everyone to do that because people who want to have lots of kids need money to take care of them and at least pay for in addition to all basic expenses, day school tuition and other extras that are healthy for children to have such as extra curricular activities. if you really want to be more insular, you can get a degree and work in a frum office.

i hear what youre saying, I’m not a professional, sorry!!

being real- they may be few and far between but theyre out there and it makes it easier to find the one for you if you have a specific hashkafa you’re looking for. I know girls looking for that.

I’m wondering. Are you looking to learn while in college only because you dont think the type of girl you want would go out with s/o in college full time?

Being Real: your type is also exactly what I’m looking for. I keep getting told by shadchanim that guys like this don’t exist. I’m told I can either have college or learning but not both. It’s refreshing to know that it DOES in fact exist. The search continues…

Ok. In that case, my advice to you is different.

Stay in BMG, and learn full time. And figure out what you want to do for college when you leave in a few years.

It just seems to me like you are trying to be poseach al shtei hasiipim. You want to stay in BMG part time which is impossible, and go to a college part time but not be limited by the offerings for part time programs, which is also impossible.

So I said you need to leave yeshiva. But you don’t want to. So the solution is stay in yeshiva until you want to.

Torah613Torah: He has a point. He would love to be able to go to college while still learn but because of the way the shidduch system is set up many girls who appreciate learning won’t look at him when they hear college since it has a bad connotation nowadays.

“my personal feeling is that children should not be raised by baby sitters. If she is the bread winner, it would be a given.”

Why would that be a given? Men can raise children. Not all men choose to be hands-on fathers, but many do. Typically, girls learn to take care of younger siblings as they are growing up and boys don’t, but it’s never too late to learn. There are also girls who are the youngest child, or only children, or those who don’t seem to be “natural” mothers or “born” mothers, but the baby comes and you figure it out. I have a cousin on my father’s side who is a stay at home dad. His wife has a corporate job and frequently travels the world. She comes home and spends time with them when she can, but he is the primary caregiver and does all the domestic stuff. He jokes that she doesn’t even know how to operate the dishwasher (which is actually true). Once, she tried to put them to sleep and they were bouncing off the walls; she came downstairs exhausted and handed the job to him. He had them all peacefully in bed within half an hour. I know not all men are like this, but many are or can be. I also have a cousin who took care of his daughter while he was in law school and his wife was working. They put her in part time day care and scheduled his classes around it. Also, my dad was between jobs when I was born and stayed home with me for the first year of my life. It can happen. You don’t know what kind of man your daughter will marry. If she is really passionate about her profession, he might agree to stay home with the children and learn while they are napping.

jf02, I think it was implicit that he’s learning full time, so he can’t raise the children either.