- This topic has 98 replies, 21 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 10 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
mak3e sure his parents have good shnopps
🙂
By the way,Health,you say your relatives pressed your ex.
By me,the opposite,the ex pressed my relatives.
I guess the bottom line is relatives should know their place!!
I used to be “popular” in my family.Not so,today.
HOWEVER:I DO FEEL CLOSELY CONNECTED TO HASHEM,EVEN WHEN I’M COMPLAINING TO HIM.Like I don’t totally “get it” obviously,but I know He’s the ONLY one who can straighten it all out.
And that HASHEM does give me whatever strength,”good things”, and Simchas Hachaim I have.
This is Watermelon,reporting live,every ten seconds!
Aries – Thanks, but you should have put eclipse in the space where you put Health. I thought it was quite obvious I was asking about her. She got that right away and tried to answer herself. My makeup is -I never give up and you know what -I don’t know why.
I’ve lost a kid. My wife went OTD and she is trying to bring 4 of my kids the same way, but I still haven’t given up on life. I sometimes feel like nothing will ever go right, but I still haven’t given up. I guess being born so stubborn has it’s Maalos!
My cough’s keeping me up,so thought I’d check in…I’d like to clarify that I’m not a quitter in any sense of the word,and have not given up on the kids my ex is ruining either.HOWEVER:I do not see myself married again,I just don’t see it.After the MANY “fires” I’ve been through,if all my kids become happy,healthy adults,dayeinu.
To both Eclipse & Health, What I said is not specific to only one of you. I have said this before to Eclipse and although this time I addressed it to you, Health, you will each at the right time, find someone who will complete you and heal you. That person will make you feel like you are royalty and will make you both feel like the important people you truly are.
We can’t control other people we can only control ourselves and make the best choices we can for ourselves. We can also choose to be the best role models we can be for our children and pray that they see the sincerity and honesty in what we do. However, if they see that we do what we do and are still unhappy and miserable, what message are we sending them? A yid darf zein b’simcha. We must do what we can to move forward and be oved Hashem b’simcha. We must do what we can to put the past behind us, live in the present and build a better future.
And no its not easy, not for you and not for me, but we keep on trying every morning when we thank Hashem for another day and another opportunity. We have no idea why we had to have our nisyonos. We also have no idea what else Hashem has in store for us. So maybe the biggest nisayon is to “keep the faith” strengthen our bitachon and emunah and know that Hashem loves us.
Aries,why do you assume that someone who is afraid to remarry is GENERALLY sad and lacking faith?
Isn’t that making people one-dimensional?
I am considered positive and upbeat by most,just NOT ON THIS SUBJECT.
And Health,they see their father several times a week and every other Shabbos!
Trust me,it’s disruptive,but no one asked me.
Don’t forget,our cases are very different.
I don’t want to be the last one on here,please someone say something!
OK, I will be. When did I say or assume that fear of marriage causes a general sadness and lacking faith? You don’t have to be down in every area of your life. But we are required to be b’simcha in ALL areas of our life and we are required to reach the top madreigos that we can in all areas.
So can’t I give a Bracha and have faith that each of you and others in your situations will find true happiness and fulfillment in the future?
I guess I misunderstood you.Sorry,Aries.:)And thank you.
I think I’ve been too strong for the general public lately.
Well,like I posted a few weeks ago,
soon as this last project (involving the computer) is over,
it’s bye-bye computer,
and bye-bye-cyber-blabbing.
Another month or so—don’t groan so loud!
Eclipse, please don’t leave you keep me sane.
Aries,seriously,how is that possible?
Wait,wait,I bet it’s what my sister told me like 20 years ago.
“People like you because you’re so not perfect!”
She meant well.
Eclipse, don”t be so hard on yourself. Just be the “Very best me” because we love you just the way you are. 🙂
You’ve come such a long way, for the better, just keep Smiling.
MRS.BBUBBEE:I thought I came a long way a long time ago!I had such a long way to go from a long time ago til now?:)Your screen name keeps looking spelled wrong!!
Because you seem to understand me.
When one parent isn’t a good role model, esp. in the case where the parents are divorced, the other parent should seek someone else to fill that void. It is necessary for kids to have two good role models, one a male and the other a female. This doesn’t always have to be the kid’s parents.
Good Point.
But the only way to be safe from future abuse is TO BE FULLY ACCEPTING OF ONESELF,FLAWS AND ALL.Then you are emotionally safe.
Ain’t there.
eclipse- what duz that mean?
s2021–If I know I am holding a $50,000 diamond in my hand,and a dozen people come by and start laughing at it…”oh,look what you found in the cereal box,guess you got that in a gumball machine…” I can laugh that off,it’s meaningless to me!
Because I KNOW this diamond is real and very valuable.
IfI’m not sure myself how much value it has,than boy,am I going to want to keep it at a distance from you so you can’t ever see it TOO CLEARLY.
i chap. eclipse u seem like such a very very valuble diamond.. i hope u can get to where u need to be very soon and i hope u r never led to believe anything less ever again..
Thank you,see this is why I can’t close my computer!!
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
snooooooooore snooooooooore
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Just kidding,I better not snore!
I once tried taping myself to hear myself sleep,but it didn’t work!Gonna try that again one day,but don’t ask me about the results in case….oy,I don’t wanna know.
lol
eclipse, we all have a long way to go every day. Just as the song says, we are on a train, and we never know when our stop will come. When we have a one year old child, just going to the corner is a long way, but as we grow, it really isn’t. just remember each long journey starts with one step in the right direction. You are doing just fine!:-) If you need a cheer leader, may I apply for the job? anyone else out there joining me?
eclipse – “But the only way to be safe from future abuse is TO BE FULLY ACCEPTING OF ONESELF,FLAWS AND ALL.”
I hate to be sounding like a therapist but you have self-esteem. You show it to yourself dealing with bloggers, phone conversations. You only have to transition this when it’s the whole person live, not just their voice. People like me, who have been criticized their whole life have difficulty dealing with criticism. What I do now, if it’s someone I don’t want to open my mouth to, I mull it over. If I feel it’s an incorrect criticism, I’ll just ignore it. If the person is correct, I’ll say to myself, Ok another thing to work on. In order not to let this damage my self-esteem, I’ll also say to Myself -Yea, but look who’s talking, you have xyz wrong with you. Noone is perfect in this world and this fact should not make you feel any less than anyone else!
“No one is perfect..” You can say that again, and again, and again……
Blogging allows my best self to come forward.
I think before I post.
I edit my post if it needs it.
I request its deletion if I forsee a problem even after it goes up.
I can choose an intriguing “image” by way of a screen name.
In real life…for most people,
there is in-the-moment emotion,morning breath,SCARY aging stuff with posture,skin,energy,etc.
A whole lot less glamorous!
Also when you’re 21,you both have less “little annoying habits” to tolerate from each other.
It was bad enough having to teach the first one to wear deoderant,who wants to teach a middle-aged settled person to put smelly socks in the hamper and wash his beard with shampoo!
I am OVERSIMPLIFYING on purpose,but I am SURE that at least one divorced person out there is reading this and going,Ohhhhhmygosh!Totallllllly!”
Come on,gals,a little support?
On a more serious note,RIGHT NOW MY CHILDREN NEED ME.I don’t know how I could divide myself without EVERYONE feeling they are not getting their true needs met.If mothering is BORUCH HASHEM a full time job now…?
Once again,this is Watermelon,reporting live,every ten seconds…
Yup,said too much,once again!
Ironically, right after explaining how CAREFULLY I post,I subsequently post THREE posts that make me look like my brain is composte c”v!
I sound like a scaly-skinned,hunched-over,mean,nasty,selfish I-don’t-know-what!(SPELLCHECKER!!)
I’m really very nice and kind,right?
Oh,I forgot none of you know me in real life.
I’m gonna worry about this for the rest of my life now.
Great.
Eclipse, Yes you are a nice & friendly young lady ( Or not so young, depending whether I am older or younger than you)
When you marry a second time, you are taking a foundation and building on it. Just as in construction it is very hard to find the exact match when you want to enlarge your dwelling, building onto an already existing home is also difficult, to match. Most of the time it works, but sometimes even when it doesn’t work, there can be good relationships that remain long after the marriage doesn’t. 🙂
Hmmmmm.
That’s me,thinking first!!
Eclipse, isn’t it better to talk to us than to talk to yourself or to the wall? Honestly. You vented a few normal thoughts, concerns and issues. Yes it is true whether you are divorced or just concerned about “what if”. The thought of starting over with someone new is terrifying.
However, if you are starting over with an adult forty years and over, someone who was married before, they should have learned the basics. They should smell clean and fresh when you meet them and date them. They should look clean and put together, if not you probably should move on. I don’t think you need to worry about the basics and definitely should not have to put up with simple things like personal hygiene the second time around.
eclipse – “Blogging allows my best self to come forward.
I think before I post.
I edit my post if it needs it.
I request its deletion if I forsee a problem even after it goes up.”
All these things can be done in real life too!
eclipse – “On a more serious note,RIGHT NOW MY CHILDREN NEED ME.”
I think all chidren also need a father figure. Did I perhaps mention this before?
You are right,they do.
(sigh)
I want to refine myself more first.
To even deserve
the kind of father
my kids deserve.
(why am I getting choked up?)
“terrifying”
Aries found the perfect word.
eclipse~ {{hugs}}
Aries – “However, if you are starting over with an adult forty years and over, someone who was married before, they should have learned the basics”
I don’t know about the men in your life, but I learnt basic hygiene when I was growing up.
always here,got ’em,thanks!
Health, you would be surprised to know that not all parents impress upon boys, or maybe not all boys choose to learn, the necessity of deodorant, showering every day and/or when married showering at night before bed, brushing their teeth twice a day and using mouthwash, changing their shirt every day, etc, etc, etc.
Not all men know these things or are considerate enough to put their dirty clothes in the hamper, their dirty dishes in the sink, take out the garbage without being asked, etc, etc, etc.
All of which puts a huge strain on a marriage as you can imagine if the shoe were on the other foot so to speak.
Check.Check.Check.
It’s one thing not to know.
But when you find out,not to care?
Yup.
And IT ALWAYS COMES ALONG WITH OTHER WAY MORE SERIOUS ISSUES.
There are lot of things that go into hygiene -some people can manage with showers twice a week and some need once a day. There are no hard and fast rules, it’s individualized. There are some societies where the avg. man doesn’t wear antiperspirant/deoderant. In E. Yisroel the avg. frum male doesn’t; I guess it doesn’t bother the women there because that is what they are used to. If it bothers the spouse what the other spouse is doing, for sure the one responsible for the problem should make every effort to change. As the saying goes -“The nose -knows!”
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.