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I feel like I’m going OCD trying to police my thoughts and having to police my voice and since I cannot talk about anything then I have to bottle up everything and it’s just stressful.
So we have this forum. There are moderators here that will rule against us if need be. If I have a question then I may not be able to ask it because it could cause someone to maybe say something that would be considered by someone else lashon hara. Granted this does not apply to political forums because in those anyone can say lashon hara and it’s not lashon hara because we’re not talking about a Jewish person, let alone religious Torah-observant Jewish person.
Is this how we’re supposed to live? It’s one thing to be considerate but it’s maddening to say nothing out of fear that someone else may end up saying something horrible and then it’s all my fault.
Thanks
LB- why don’t you ask your LOR about it? Or call the Shmiras Halashon hotline. There is a hotline that you can call to ask hilchos lashon hora questions. I think it’s available every night from app. 9 – 10:30. You can find the number online.
Just make sure when you ask the question that you explain the exact situation – the way you feel and the types of things that you want to ask, and where you are asking the question, etc. If you feel that you need to say something for psychological reasons, that can make it permissible. Also, if you are trying to find out the answer to a question, etc.
You may also want to think about (or ask a sheilah about) if this is really the best place for your questions or not. If you have nowhere else to go, maybe it is. But maybe some questions are better off being asked to a Rav, if you have one whom you can speak to. It’s something you may want to think about.
OCD can sometimes mask itself as meticulous religious observance, but sincere, legitimate meticulous religious observance does not make you OCD.
btw, if you are talking about the photoshopping issue, I think I told you that I wasn’t commenting on your asking the question in the first place – I was commenting on some of the responses. And once you got the responses that you got, I felt that you should either assume that the positive ones were accurate or write to the publisher to find out from them.
In terms of your asking the question in the first place – I have no idea if it was allowed or not. I think if it’s concerning you, that is something that you should ask so that you will know the answer and not have to be bothered about it.
I understand your need to express yourself – part of hilchos L”H is that one can talk about things that he needs to talk about, but there are conditions involved. One important condition has to do with who you are allowed to discussed it with. There are halachos regarding choosing the most appropriate person to talk to. I wonder if this is the best place for some of these discussions – but again, I think you should discuss that with a Rav. First try to think about what alternatives you may have, and then discuss it with him.
good point DY.
LB- it sounds like you definitely need guidance. Do you have any kind of mentor, therapist, Rabbi, or Rebbetzin who knows you well, has a good sense of psychology but also is knowledgeable in Torah (or at least knows enough to be able to guide you)?
It sounds like a Frum therapist or at least a therapist who is sensitive to religious issues (and maybe would be able to consult with your Rav to help determine what you should and shouldn’t be doing right now) is something that you definitely need right now. Honestly, I think that is the real issue here. It sounds like maybe the Coffee Room has become a kind of replacement for a therapist for you. And that is not a good idea.
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