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Pashas Chayei Sara: Sforno – Rivka, Not Even A Thank You
“Vayehi Kaasher Kilu HaGmalim Lishtos Vayikach HaIsh Nezem Zahav” (Chayei Sara 24:22), after the camel finished drinking Eliezer gave Rivka jewelry. Why does the Torah point out that it was only after the camel finished drinking? Did Eliezer need to wait for the last sip before he knew Rivka was the right girl?
The Sforno answers that until the camels didn’t finish drinking, Eliezer did not know if the girl would want something in return. Maybe she had ulterior motives. Only after the job was completed and Rivka did ask for anything in return, not a even a compliment or a thank you, did Eliezer understand that she was a true Baalas Chesed. True Chesed is the love of helping others without the slightest sense of our own ego.
Thats what real Chesed is my friends. Real Chesed means not doing it for the thank you or the recognition. Proper Chesed is divorced of ego. Lets aspire to this lofty level where our Chesed is real and Lishma and we dont care if we are thanked or not.
whoa. Ok. thanks.But is there any reason you decided to inform of us this now?
Nice vort, but whether WE pretend to care or not appreciation is always appreciated. Furthermore, it is OUR obligation under the Torah to show appreciation and Hakaros Hatov, therefore being thanked and feeling appreciated is always expected among Jews.
Nice vort. Although it is something to aspire to, we have to also realize that the avos and emahos were on a higher leval than us, Eliezer chose her because of that, in order to be a blue print for klal yisroel. Yes, we should always show hakaras hatov but if someone doesn’t say thank you we shouldn’t feel bad. For example, if you open a door for someone who is pushing a stroller and she forgets to say thank you, you should try not to feel bad about it.
I envy those who do Chesed, and not a hint of a Thank-you from the recipient. That’s “real” chesed.
We can also remind ourselves to emulate Avraham by thanking Hashem. Chesed we do is (should be) ultimately in His honor.
I like this. Chessed and Hakaras hatov are two separate obligations on different people.
If I do a chessed for you, and then am upset at you for not being makir tov; who’s the bigger jerk? I think I would be.
As a general rule, I don’t expect “thank you”s* from people for whom I do a chesed. This is for two reasons:
1. I consider it an obligation to do a chesed when the opportunity arises. As such, I don’t view it as having done anything extraordinary that requires thanks.**
2. Low expectations means you can’t be disappointed. 🙂
In any event, even when people do say thank you, I’ll usually respond with something like “it was nothing.”
The Wolf
(* The exceptions are my kids. If I [or anyone else] do a chesed for my kids, I expect them to say “thank you” — more because I’m training them to be makir tov for good done to them than because I need [or even want] the thank you).
** I only take that view for myself. If someone does a chesed for me, I view it as such and make sure to always say “thank you.”
every person could do chesed,if they really want to, you gotta have the ratzon, and then it will automatically go, and no you do not have to get back a thank you the ??? is bigger. p.s. yes it’s a good one. wiy your a smart person always with good comments,and things to start talking about.
Wolf:
Why is it more important to train your kids to say thank you, than to train them to do chessed without expecting a thank you, by example?
Why is it more important to train your kids to say thank you, than to train them to do chessed without expecting a thank you, by example?
I don’t believe I said that one was more important than the other.
Nonetheless, my kids are teens, not adults. I don’t know that they yet possess the maturity to be able to fully do a chessed with acknowledgment without being resentful about it.
Eventually they’ll get there.
The Wolf
WIY, chesed l’shma and hakaros hatov are equally as important and I didn’t say otherwise. If one chooses to read it or understand it differently then there is nothing I can do about it. I was simply pointing out that WE as yiddin have that obligation from the Torah, which is the other side of Chessed. Those that do Chessed, which is most probably ALL of us, do not do it for the thanks. Those who receive a chesed are obligated by the Torah to show appreciation. That’s it, don’t read more into what I said than that.
WIY I completely disagree. COMPLETELY! What you say :
“If the lack of a thank you bothers you, then your Chesed is lacking in Lishma that’s the vort. Chesed is a Mitzvah that Hashem commanded us to do, doing Chesed is emulating Hashems ways..”
Acually I believe that if a person takes and takes and is such that they are a Take-everything-for-granted-type-of-TAKER THEN YOU ARE ACTUALLY m’chiev to stop giving! You are doing them a disservice by putting in front of them a stumbling block. They are not grateful and therefore have a major spiritual/midda deficeit. WHy feed it?
True, its your problem that you are bothered. But who wouldnt be?
Just because we have a mitzvah obligation to do chessed, does not release the recipient of our chessed from the obligation to be makir tov. If one cannot be makir tov to a human being for a simple chessed, how can he ever be makir tov to Hashem for the millions of chassadim He does for us every minute of every day?
WIY, your point was also made and no on is arguing that either. It isn’t one OR the other both are equally important and both are good points, Both are important mitzvos. Both are important to remember. Sometimes one is on the giving end and sometimes one is on the receiving end. Sometimes the same person can be on either end. So each person should remember BOTH mitzvos. No one is trying to take credit away from you for making your point so relax and feel good that you gave a good vort and others have contributed to it.
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