Need Help! Tznius ahhh!

it sounds like your mother is supportive of you so are you sure she will bother you about it? As the mother of teen age girls there are many times my girls do things that i think are crazy but i leave them alone because they are teen agers and teen agers do what teen agers do. (I am talking about things like wearing sweaters all day when it is 90 degrees outside). anyway Kol Hakovod to you, i hope you start a trend that is catching. lots of luck!

Tell her you’re going “Monroe” and then as a compromise, tell her you’ll “settle” for BP.

Or you can tell her, its so you can get into the top, A++ sem, which is always a slamdunk for pushing thru extreme ideas on parents.

Hi weasly love! i first of all want to comment on how much i look up tp you for making this step. If you want to do something like this and have agoal in mind then JUST DO IT! Dont wait till your out of highschool and dont think about what anyone else will think about you! Do it for yourself, it may feel wierd at first but after afew days you will walk around with pride and feel so good about yourself. You wont be able o imagine how you never tights before.

There is nothing wrong with knee high socks or stockings. They don’t have to be full pantihose. But here is my recommendation. Make your changes slowly. Gradual acceptance of standards makes for a) a more permanent change and b) greater acceptance by others.

You yourself recognize this when you say you don’t want your mom to think you’re going “all BP on her,” (whatever that implies). You avoid that issue, by increasing bit by bit what you choose to change.

There is nothing wrong with regular stockings. They don’t HAVE to be black or thick. Your skirts have to be long enough to cover the subject properly, but regular socks may be perfectly adequate halachically in someone who wears a long enough skirt.

I know there are many who would advise you, just go for it, wear the most stringent cover up for your legs that you can. But you asked for advice on how to accomlish this without upsetting your mother, whose kovod is unquestionably important to you. I believe the best way to do that is by “desensitizing” her little by little. JMO.

good for you. its always good to grow , especially in tsnius. i know a girl who was zocheh to meet her husband specifically becuz she decided to grow in tznius so one boy who didn’t like the look turned her down, and the next one was her bashert. may you always grow in Torah and Mitzvot. and be sure to give your parents lots of love and respect as you are required to.

I wouldn’t reply, but I deal with teens so I will.

First remember you’re doing something you have a feeling for, and something that is a fundamental of the beautiful part of yiddishkiet. so you dont have to be worried if you’ll have the right approach, just go with the issue, and since you have valuable and credible merchandise (yahadus) to sell, it will carry. Of course being tznius goes part and parcel with talking in a courteous and respectful manner.

Its people like you who give us a good name, and personify and manifest all that is good.

The first approach would be to put forth why you feel so, but in a personal sense.

Example; “mom, I feel so weird going out exposed. It just feels embarrassing”. Also “I hate when people look at my legs, or stare at me. its sooo creepy’.

(If true- Use reverse teen; say all my friends are wearning this.)

Or -(on a different day, otherwise you will freak her out) mom, doesnt it feel so dignified when im – or you- dressed properly? and also I know when someone talks to me, he is treating me like a person.

Or “why do people go out dressed short and then tug it down all the time, if they’re uncomfortable why do they dress like that? Are people really so enslaved to fashion like that?”

Are you in an atmosphere where you mix with boys? if yes tell mom (and dad – you have no idea how supportive dads can be.)you want to keep away the psycho-s.

Psst; little secret; dads are so easy, an occasional smile, a short DMC, and no “deliberate in your face”, he is sooo owned. Like butter under a hot knife.

I hope this helps.

Lastly; keep searching- always. ENjoy the journey, being frum promotes happiness and is not an antithesis.

edited

oomis

you are right

that is precisely the advice she needs

but not in an inappropriate way, in an inappropriate place

while men listen in

not here

and if it continues this thread will have to be closed

i have deleted so many posts already

It’s interesting that Mod is unhappy with specifics because the thread is getting too “detailed,” when it’s precisely the details that the poster is interested in.

One solution might be for the Mod to somehow indicate that a particular thread is “ladies only – if you’re a guy proceed at your own risk.” Of course, then you might need to have a lady Moderator 😉 Or are some of the Moderators ladies unbeknownst to us?

That’s fantastic.

Just make sure that it’s what you really actually want for your self and are ready for it.Make sure you aren’t just doing it for your friends or someone you look up to

I know a girl that was/ is in a very similar situation.

She went from a not so tzius place to wearing tights verrrry quickly.

Right now she is struggling because she started to drop the tights and etc.

Work towards it but make sure that you are up to that because the easier you manage to get there the easier it is to cv’s fall back down.

but you can do it.

your parents love you no matter what – just remember — derech eretz chadam l’torah. = don’t be rude / disrespectful to your parents during your growth

Weasleylove i really can’t believe it.. i’m sort of going through the SAME situation-it’s crazyy!

i didn’t know what to do and i asked advice from a teacher before Pesach(i was scared because it wasn’t really winter anymore and my mother would think i was crazy)

the teacher told me to say, “I just feel more comfortable,” or “all my friends are doing it”-

[even though my mother insists on calling the camp director :(, but i told my mother i might get fired from my first job;) }

i really hope you have an easy time , and that we both have good luck in the future

good job! we are rooting for you!

By next year, hopefully Moshiach will be here and you will be featured on the annual Bnos Melochim program!!!! Kol Hakavod to make this change and with such strong feelings. Keep going and striving higher and higher !!!!