My VP pick: Mochi, a resident of the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo

Yes, that’s right, I pick Mochi. Mochi is of Ecuadorian descent, but he was born in the United States. He is not just a DEI candidate – everyone who knows him says he has a great personality.

Some people might say his age is a problem, because he’s in his 20’s, which is considered old for his species but is too young to be VP. I think we need to pass an amendment allowing for adjusted age requirements based on species life expectancy.

I’ve been told that having an animal as my VP pick is reckless and irresponsible and could have terrible consequences as Mochi will not be able to fulfil his duties. That’s absurd. There is zero risk of that being a problem, as I am not running for president.