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I wonder why people lie about their age. Okay,fear,but there are soooo many ways that can go wrong!
As a former shadchan,I was always upfront if there was a significant age gap.It NEVER “shterred” a shidduch that was meant to be.
1. All is eventually found out,anyway.
2.Being vague (upper 30s,lower 40s))is one thing,outright lying is another thing.
It’s like posting a pic of yourself from ten years ago,or pretending you attended a school you didn’t attend.It may get you the date,but later on…won’t you be embarrassed?
One guy told me his rav told him he doesn’t have to tell his dates he is divorced.
Don’t believe everything someone claims their rav told them. On this site alone we hear many alleged claims in anonymous rav’s names. Unless there is a name of the rav attached, discount it.
if it’s not for a shidduch who cares
I agree. There is no point in lying, as the facts are not going away. Age, size, family, ect are too verifiable. If you want to fudge, do so (within reason) when talking looks or personality.
But some facts are just what they are. They are unavoidable, and are best dealt with up front.
I’m on the verge of redding a shidduch, and the girl is (IMHO) simply fantastic. Looks, brains, vigor, everything. Except yichus. And when I meet the boy’s parents, I’m going to tell them, the girl has the same yichus that Sarah and Rochel and Rivka had. If you can deal with that, we can talk. If not, I understand, but I can’t change the facts, so if its a no-go, its a no.
Eclipse nailed it. If this is the bashert shidduch, it will go past this hurdle. If its not, someone else will be the lucky chosson.
IF you lie it will always come back to bite you in the derriere. The truth eventually comes out and when you are found out to be a liar, the consequences won’t be worth it.
There is a wonderful directive in the Gemara that goes beyond concealing information. “Harkhek min hakiyoor, umin hadomeh lo” or in newyorkish, “distance yourself from ugliness, and that which resembles ugliness” Hullin 44b.
“Unless there is a name of the rav attached, discount it. “
I would not automatically assume that. If anyone really wants to hear from my rav in person something I’ve attributed to him, I’d be happy to give you (privately) his telephone number. I will not ever publish his name because all his psaks to me were private; if he wanted to publish them under his name he can do so himself. Private psaks are perfectly permissible!
charlie: If it was indeed a “private” psak, keep it private! Don’t broadcast it. Otherwise people will rightfully discount an alleged “private” psak that someone publicized, but anonymously.
twisted; That Talmudic admonition you cite (Mass. Chullin 44b.) is meant in a spiritual sense. And is not meant about the physical attributes of a Shidduch candidate, or the concealment of any material facts about health, Family, Etc.
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