MUST READ- Real Solutions to the Internet Challenge

I heard a decision was made not to distribute said booklet because R’ Matisyahu Shlita had an issue with something contained within, why are you distributing it?

AZ, why wasn’t this distributed then??

@AZ “I think the content of this extensive booklet will be VERY agreeable to all.” you have to be kidding me my faith has been renewed in Rav Mattisyahu Solomon assuming he was the one who rejected this the beginning about filters is fine but the rest is anti-internet propaganda it is not helpful at all and would be a very big chillul hashem it does not appear to me that you read the whole pamphlet – this would have turned off a lot of people from looking at solutions.

AZ:

What was the reason it was decided not to distribute this booklet and to cancel the planned exhibition at 5:00? Who made that decision and what was their concern that caused them to not want it?

And what other things about the Asifa bothered you?

msseeker:

I totally agree with your choice. There is no reason for a Chassidishe Lady to be on the internet. In most cases, I would suggest that you use the internet at your local library. In your case though, you are doing the right thing by preparing.

Hatzlacha!

What was the reason it was decided not to distribute this booklet and to cancel the planned exhibition at 5:00? Who made that decision and what was their concern that caused them to not want it?

There are groups who are opposed to the interent altogether , they were against the Expo and the booklets. In order to accomodate these groups they agreed to their demands

GAW, oh yes, there’s good reason for me. It’s really convenient for my work, but not absolutely essential. It’ll be pretty hard, but I feel the sacrifice is worth it.

msseeker:

B’derech Klal, Chassidish ladies work as parents, which is the best thing that a mother can do, and the husbands work.

If you are a “Yotze min Haklal”, and your Rebba said that you should work, then you should speak to him regarding internet as well. As far as you know, he may have good resons why you SHOULD have internet.

As we always say here, ask your LOR.

Is this the booklet they intend to distribute at the Flatbush Internet Asifa?

Rav Solomon shlita will be there. So everyone can confirm he supports the psak announced at the main Asifa.

This is the booklet that was intended to be distributed at Citi Field. I don’t know if it will be distributed in Flatbush.

Note to moderator: the websites at the end of this piece were printed in the booklet, so please allow the entire post through; thanks.

Family Security And Issues Of Lifnei Iveir

Rabbi Yosef Viener

Question:

I have internet in my home and office, and a friendof mine claims that if I do not filter or monitor the content, I could be violating the issur of lifnei iveir lo sitei michshol. He argues that my allowing unrestricted internet use by my family and employees will no doubt cause them spiritual harm, and the responsibility for the damage will be partially my fault. This concept is new to me. Is it indeed necessary for me to install the proper filtering software, or is it merely a suggestion for those who want to be machmir?

Answer:

We are going to discuss an issue that might seem like an old topic, because there have been many gatherings to address the issue. Much to my surprise and chagrin, however, the message does not seem to have hit home. The security we will discuss is that of the sanctity of the family, which is currently suffering from the most insidious and dangerous attack ever leveled against it: the internet.

Yet, people are either oblivious to the danger or are deliberately choosing not to focus on it.

The rest of the advice in this essay is addressed to those who must have internet access.

No One is Immune to Harmful Influence

Before we move onto the practical realm of how to deal with the internet, it is important to address those people who feel that their families are impervious to the temptation provided by the internet.

One lesson we learn, then, is that no one can claim that he is impervious to the temptation of the internet. We must all seek ways to protect and distance ourselves from this threat to our spiritual security.

But there is another important lesson that we can learn from the story of Yitzchak and Yishmael. All of the forms of security we are about to discuss will help only for our own homes. The safeguards we put into place will not help if we do not know where our children are at all times, with whom they are associating, and what those children are exposed to and able to access.

So while we will discuss what can be done to protect our own homes, it is equally vital that you know where your children are going each time they leave the house. It sounds wearisome, but a momentary lapse in your vigilance can introduce them to a yetzer hara that is extremely difficult to fight.

The Case of Shloimy

fateful weekend, Shloimy began a descent on the slippery slope that has felled so many.

internet access.

Certainly, Hashem gave us a gift called teshuvah, and just as a computer has a delete button, Hashem can help a person delete those images as well. However, if the proper precautions are not taken, a relapse is possible at any time. An integral part of the teshuvah process is ensuring that the proper steps are taken to help mitigate the possibility of transgression.

Issur Yichud with a Computer

[the mitzvah to refrain] [such sins]. One should refrain from yichud, because it is the greatest cause [for sins of this nature]

This boy explained that when he started failing in this area, he sank into a deep depression, certain that he was depraved and that no one else was struggling with this desire. Once I explained that it was normal, he felt that he could deal with it.

Filtering and Accountability

Let me outline the system that I feel must be in place on every computer that has internet access, whether at home or in the office. Again, the best solution is still to have no internet access in the first place, but in cases where that is not an option, we need to have a two-tiered security system comprised of filtering software and reporting software.

Some programs do both filtering and reporting, and some do only one of the two; you can install more than one program on your system to provide comprehensive coverage.

Let me explain the purpose and operating method of each of the two types of software.

Filtering Software

In addition, a determined child (or adult) can figure out a way to work around a filter so that he (or she) can get to the inappropriate material, or he can stumble on the password for the filter and disable it.

It is therefore imperative that you add the second layer of protection: a reporting system.

Reporting Software

Employing this two-tiered system is the only way to have internet access without presenting a clear and present danger to the sanctity of our homes. Many people who have suffered from an internet addiction have been cured after installing such software and being forced to face a rav or Rebbi who actually took the time to read the reports and contact their mispallel or talmid and discuss it, thu successfully weaning him off of the addiction.

I cannot overemphasize the need for the reporting software. Filtering is simply not enough. The people who invent these reporting programs consider it so vital that when you set up the options for the frequency at which the reports will be generated, you will notice that one of the options is to have a report sent every hour. If the team that created this software realized how dangerous the internet is, how much more so should we.

A Word on Passwords

Toward Greater Productivity: Internet at Home

Toward Greater Productivity: Internet in the Workplace

Similarly, if you are an employee in a firm and you sit alone in an office with a computer that is not filtered, make sure to get the computer technician in your office to place a filtering and reporting system on your computer. If it is impossible to make such changes in your office, perhaps it is time to reevaluate your working there. Remember, turning the Shechinah away from you will only hurt your parnassah prospects.

A Note to Women

Chazal teach that women lead the way when it comes to maintaining the sanctity of the home. In Parashas Bo, Pharaoh offers to allow the men to go serve Hashem in the wilderness, as long as the women and children would remain in Mitzrayim. In Divrei Aggadah, Harav Yosef Shalom Elyashiv explains that Pharaoh realized that if the men were allowed to serve Hashem on their own, they would not last long. They could only succeed if the women were backing and supporting them in their efforts.

Please do not assume that you are not in danger as well. Although women are generally not as susceptible to the yetzer haras that plague men, the enticing nature of the web can (and unfortunately does) ensnare both genders.

A small sampling of the many filter and reporting programs available:

For a rundown on these and other filter programs, see internet-filter-review at www. toptenreviews.com. Also, see the Re-Solutions section of this publication.

The following is a selection of some of the many stories of people who have

fallen victim to the internet. They are far from the worst stories, but they reflect

the broadest spectrum of people, experiences and communities.

And yet, bad as we may think it is, the destructive influence of the internet is worse than people imagine. It is chilling to think about. Yet, this is the reality we live in.

How the Internet Ruined Me Financially

A chill runs up my spine as I recall the dismal levels to which I had sunk before Hashem guided me to the help I desperately needed in the nick of time. It is unnecessary to relate the entire chain of events in all its gory details. It is enough that I describe to you just the tip of the iceberg, enough to help you imagine just how destructive this technology can be, sans the proper precaution.

It all started when I entered into a partnership with my friend, opening an online business together.

I was delighted that I no longer had to haul heavy boxes or answer to a demanding boss. I was the luckiest person on earth, or at least

I gradually became more and more hooked on this miracle technology, and I would spend hours upon hours in its tentacles. Everything fascinated me and I left nothing unexplored. It came to a point that I simply did not have enough hours in

my day to visit all my favorite websites, to chatwith all my electronic friends, read all the interesting blogs and surf around the endless sea of the internet. I just had to spend every spare second I had in cyberspace. I would often tell my wife

that I had to return to the office in the evening to finish up some business, and then I would sit there well past midnight, clicking my way through the

great wide cyber world.

But I finally had my rude awakening when I was struck with a heavy financial blow. My partner eventually realized that I was fooling around and my part of the work was not getting done properly. One dark Wednesday, after an acrimonious

exchange, I found myself without a partner and without a job.

job. This was now my official occupation all day long. I fooled myself into thinking I would find other employment shortly. Obviously, however, you find nothing by floating through cyberspace, except for more problems.

koachshtika, I sort of agree with you, though I’d say it a little differently: The real solution is to give each of us the confidence and tools to overcome our yetzer harah, and not let the yetzer harah control us by deceiving ourselves into believing that we are powerless over it.

MP,

You’re talking about a very wonderful ideal – that everyone had the tools to overcome the yetzer horah, and always utilized them, without any external help. We don’t live in such a world, though.

If we did, we could leave our doors unlocked at night.

If we did, Chaza”l would never have had to institute any gezeiros.

If we did, we wouldn’t daven “al t’vieinu lidei nisayon” because we would relish the challenge.

Rather, we are supposed to dread sin and distance ourselves as much as possible, especially as it pertains to these specific desires.

DY. The Skverre Rebbe Shlita disagrees with you. He is on record as having said, a person filled with yiras shamayim and a healthy entusiasm for yiddishkeit is unlikely to fall victim to the internet. Unfortunately, too many people live, what R’ Shafier Shlita calls, “robotic judaism”, they are bored and unenthusiatic aboit yiddishkeit. Into that void comes the lure and excitement of “the internet”. It need not be the dark seedy side of the web, it could be something as silly as spending all ones waking hours playing solitair. In conjunction with facing the challenge of the web, is an even greater challenge, how to instill in each and every person the enthusiasm for yiddishkeit and the yiras shamayim that leaves no void for anything labeled “tuma”to enter. enters.

APY,

There is nothing in your presentation of the Rebbe Shlita”s viewpoint which I disagree with.

I’m not sure why you think there is.

I’m sure you don’t imagine that the Rebbe Shlit”a has internet access.

“MP,

You’re talking about a very wonderful ideal – that everyone had the tools to overcome the yetzer horah, and always utilized them, without any external help. We don’t live in such a world, though.”

DY, first off, I don’t really intend on getting into another discussion about this with you, though our first one was pleasant and civil, and I thank you for that. But I just want to say a few things:

Of course we currently don’t live in a world such as the one I described. If we did, there would be no reason for any concern. But I believe that is what we should be STRIVING for. It is not unattainable. Now, you said “without any external help”. I believe, as I’ve said before, that having external help (such as filters) is a very good thing. But it’s not THE solution. It’s just a temporary patch on a problem that runs deeper. External help doesn’t take away the source of the problem. INTERNAL strength is what does.

Thank you for posting all those tragic stories about people who’ve ruined themselves, and their families, due to making bad choices on the internet. But you see, those stories are the ones that people tell over to everyone, and that gets everyone scared that they will fall to the same fate, and that having proper control and responsibility is impossible. But we don’t hear about all the people who use the internet responsibly, and that’s because there are no issues to report. All your stories scare people into believing that they are powerless, and the the INTERNET is the problem, that the internet is some vast, poisonous beast that is evil and tears us apart no matter what we do. But the real problem is not the internet, it is US. When WE make bad choices, when WE don’t have the skills, maturity, and control necessary, we fall pray to our yetzer harahs. It’s the bad choices that are the PRIMARY cause of a person’s destruction, not the tool used to make those choices. And the internet is just a means that the yetzer harah uses, it’s merely a tool, and because of it’s ease of access and opportunity to lead us into BOTH (good and bad) extremes, it has become the easiest way for our yetzer harahs to control us.

It is when people view the internet ITSELF as evil, as a sin in itself, that we have these issues. But that is a very warped perspective of what the internet is, and people get that perspective when fed all these horror stories and are forced into believing that they have no control, and never will. It’s only a nisayon if you make it out to be one. But it doesn’t have to be one. I would say though, that while a person doesn’t have the skills, confidence, and maturity to use the internet responsibly (which may be many frum people, at this point), having a filter or supervision is vital, because without the control necessary, everything you are saying is correct, and it is a nisayon, and caution is of the highest importance. But if we really want to solve this problem, we must be able to believe that we DO have the capabilities to use the internet responsibly, we CAN have the control necessary, and just that confidence alone can provide a major step in the right direction.

MP,

Since Adam Harishon, we’ve had a yetzer horah, and that isn’t changing. We have to deal in that reality.

Rav Mattisyahu Salomon has said on many occasions that the internet is not evil, just a nisayon. You appear to have been misled into thinking that there’s a campaign to call the internet evil. There isn’t. There’s a campaign to educate (in some cases, in very forceful ways), that it’s potentially dangerous, and must be treated as such. But it’s not about calling it evil, just a very powerful tool i the hands of the yetzer horah.

On e comment of yours really puzzles me. You write, “It’s only a nisayon if you make it out to be one. But it doesn’t have to be one.” What does that mean? It is one! Can someone decide that yichud “doesn’t have to be” a nisayon and therefore ignore those halachos? HKB”H wired us a certain way, and demands of us that we deal with that reality, not in a world of ideals.

The Gemara says, “???? ?? ??? ????? ???? ??? ???, ?????? ???”? ?????, ???? ???? ??”, that without Hashem’s help, we are unable to overcome the yetzer hora. The “confidence” you speak about is misplaced. One can only be confident that he can overcome the yetzer hora if he has Hashem’s help. How can one expect Hashem’s help when he doesn’t follow His guidelines?!

My next post, also copied from the Kinus Brochure, will highlight the aspect of the need for yiras shomayim.

I’m told, someone please correct me if I’m wrong, that in NS, those who are allowed to have an internet connection (for whatever reason) may have one, however, it may not be in their home, it may be in their neighbors home.

Be that as it may, my point was, and is, everyone is harping on “the internet” and not focusing on the other portion of his statement. Excitement for yiddishkeit. Filled with yiras shamayim. Where is discussion about that part of the equation? If that remains neglected, the “internet” will just be replaced by something else.

APY,

Possibly, the moderator on duty is scared of copyright issues, although I see no problem since the PDF of the brochure has been made publicly available (I’ve just copied, reformatted, and pasted).

It’s clear to me, from the words of Chaza”l, that a yarei shomayim is supposed to impose gedarim on himself to avoid sin, and not merely rely on his yiras shomayim.

DY, very good points. Though I would say that in some circles, there most definitely IS a campaign to show that the internet is evil. And even in other circles where that isn’t the campaign, we see a common human characteristic, which is shifting blame when we don’t want to face an uncomfortable truth. For example, in many of those stories you posted about people who had made bad choices and didn’t take control of their yetzer harahs, there are some lines that portray this idea:

For one of the stories, the title is “How the Internet ruined me financially”. That title is very wrong. He HIMSELF ruined himself financially, by having a lack of maturity and responsibility, and the tool he used was the Internet.

Now, here’s a problem. You said “There’s a campaign to educate (in some cases, in very forceful ways), that it’s potentially dangerous, and must be treated as such.” Now, the people who didn’t yet know that internet can be potentially dangerous probably don’t have the internet. So they are probably clueless about using the internet altogether, for good or bad. So “educating” them strongly about the dangers it contains will most definitely cause them to believe that the internet IS BAD.

If I grew up not knowing anything about guns, and then my parent told me that guns kill people, and said countless stories that show it, I will think that guns are completely evil. That is NOT proper education. Proper education is showing, yes, guns can be used for bad, but they do have a positive side as well (and in the case of guns, it is for self defense, so it’s not exactly a good analogy), and showing the benefits of using a gun properly, and showing, and understanding, the downsides of using it improperly. That is real education.

I agree that we have a yetzer harah. That is the reality. But the reality is also that we have the ability to overcome it. And yes, you are most definitely right, having siyatta dishmayah is a key component in overcoming it. But we must make our OWN efforts, and yes, having filters is an effort, but a greater effort is to try to gain the maturity and responsibility to exercise self control. THAT is real effort. That shows Hashem that we are really trying, and in turn, Hashem will help us too in overcoming the grasp of the yetzer harah. But if we don’t have the confidence to even try that, then we’ll never get anywhere. So the confidence I speak of is, I don’t think, misplaced, rather it is a goal. It may not be where we are holding now, but it where we should want to be.

About the nisayon aspect, you are right. I was very wrong in saying that it doesn’t have to be a nisayon, because it IS a nisayon. I should have said “It doesn’t have to be an insurmountable nisayon. It can be a nisayon that we are able to deal with.” I think the reason I said that it doesn’t have to be a nisayon is because that is how I have been able to live my life. I’m not sure if you are aware of my family issues, though I mentioned them on a few other threads, but suffice it to say that I went through, and continue to go through, extremely difficult situations because of my father.

And the main thing that has kept me going is realizing how the situation I was put in is really ideal for me and the best way for me to grow to my full potential. So I am using my “nisayon” in a way that shows that it really isn’t the nisayon it seems to be. Rather, it is the best thing for me. Are there difficult times? Yes. But those difficulties continue to make me a better person. And I believe that is true with any nisayon. Yes, we shouldn’t run after them, but if we do encounter them, we should realize that it is an opportunity for us to grow and become more holy. And this idea is in one of your posts:

“We must recognize this uniquely personal nisayon as a golden opportunity. Perhaps more than in any other area of our Torah-based lives, the internet gives us the opportunity to display our love for Hashem and our determination to fulfill His will.

Each time a Jew holds himself back from visiting a website that he knows is not appropriate, from one wrong click, he is acting out his pure love and fear of Hashem. It is a moment to be tapped in to; a moment that calls out for reflection and prayer.

We are declaring through our actions: ‘Hashem, I am Your son! I love You and I want You to be proud of me! Help me overcome my yetzer hara, help me fulfill Your will!'”

The Skeverer Rebbe attended the asifa.

If people had proper yiras shomayim, they would take the proper precautions.

One who doesn’t take appropriate precautions is not a yarei shomayim.

In my mind, saying “the poisonous internet” is basically saying “the evil internet”

I disagree. Poison also has it’s positive uses. Which is why it’s a powerful metaphor.

So the confidence I speak of is, I don’t think, misplaced, rather it is a goal. It may not be where we are holding now, but it where we should want to be.

Dovid Hamelech had that goal, but failed his test. We are to take a lesson from him that this is not where our avodas Hashem is. Our job is to avoid nisayon wherever possible, and, yes, build ourselves so that the nisyonos which will inevitably come will be conquerable.

Yes, we shouldn’t run after them, but if we do encounter them, we should realize that it is an opportunity for us to grow and become more holy.

I think in this paragraph you said it better than I did.

In my view, the Citifield asifa, the directives issued, and all of the follow up is directed at the first line in that paragraph.

For all practical purposes, based on human nature, allowing oneself such free and easy access to the temptations available on the internet is running after nisyonos. In the scheme of things, a filter, or refraining from an internet connection altogether, is merely a tool. But the magnitude of the problem, with lo aleinu thousands of “korbonos”, necessitated that a spotlight be shone on this tool.