Home › Forums › Family Matters › Mothering Adult Children
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December 22, 2015 2:28 am at 2:28 am #616875JosephParticipant
Appropriate or inappropriate?
December 22, 2015 2:37 am at 2:37 am #1118203WolfishMusingsParticipantAppropriate or inappropriate?
Sometimes, yes, sometimes no.
Care to give examples?
The Wolf
December 22, 2015 2:38 am at 2:38 am #1118204TheGoqParticipantBe specific and we will give you a specific answer.
December 22, 2015 2:45 am at 2:45 am #1118205Mashiach AgentMemberToday’s day our children are not maturing as young as they used to when we were kids. Due to the technology generation we are in we also need to keep an eye on our children much longer until they are about 20 and mature enough to know for themselves how to stay away from bad things that effect their frumkeit
The less Tumah and gashmius you bring into your home while your children are young the earlier they will mature and be secure to remain frum without the need for you to babysit them
December 22, 2015 3:27 am at 3:27 am #1118206👑RebYidd23ParticipantIf bad things would effect frumkeit, bad things would be good things.
December 23, 2015 12:14 am at 12:14 am #1118207skripkaParticipantappropriate or inappropriate?!
just try!
December 23, 2015 12:21 am at 12:21 am #1118208lesschumrasParticipantMommy deciding who her 25 year old son dates. Inappropriate
December 23, 2015 1:56 am at 1:56 am #1118209technical21Participantlesschumras- agreed, but sadly most people disagree.
December 23, 2015 4:26 am at 4:26 am #1118210JosephParticipantWhat if the 25 year old wants Tatti to vet all shiddduch candidates.
December 23, 2015 4:33 am at 4:33 am #1118211☕ DaasYochid ☕ParticipantStill inappropriate. If a 25 year old thinks his parent(s), with his best interest at heart, more life experience and more objectivity, should be more trusted than himself, he’s not ready to get married.
December 23, 2015 4:50 pm at 4:50 pm #1118212WolfishMusingsParticipantSometimes, yes, sometimes no.
Care to give examples?
Still waiting…
Or was your OP just a “let’s throw this up on the wall and see what sticks?”
The Wolf
December 24, 2015 1:54 pm at 1:54 pm #1118213oomisParticipantMothering – yes. Smothering – no.
And I agree that a 25 year old MAN who does not trust his OWN instincts, is not ready to get married.
December 24, 2015 2:24 pm at 2:24 pm #1118214👑RebYidd23ParticipantThere is a big difference between asking a trusted person for advice and letting them control you.
December 24, 2015 5:47 pm at 5:47 pm #1118215☕ DaasYochid ☕ParticipantRebYidd23, you hit the nail on the head.
December 24, 2015 5:52 pm at 5:52 pm #1118216WolfishMusingsParticipantAnd I agree that a 25 year old MAN who does not trust his OWN instincts, is not ready to get married.
Or woman.
The Wolf
December 24, 2015 6:47 pm at 6:47 pm #1118217MenoParticipant“If bad things would effect frumkeit, bad things would be good things.”
I just got this.
I must’ve read it four separate times before getting it.
Well done, RebYidd
December 24, 2015 7:41 pm at 7:41 pm #1118218JosephParticipantWhat if a 35 or 45 year old doesn’t trust their own instincts. Should he/she also not get married yet? 55?
December 24, 2015 7:56 pm at 7:56 pm #1118219WolfishMusingsParticipantWhat if a 35 or 45 year old doesn’t trust their own instincts. Should he/she also not get married yet? 55?
If they can’t decide for themselves who they should consider for marriage, to the point where they are abdicating all authority and responsibility for the process, then yes, at any age, they should not get married.
The Wolf
December 24, 2015 8:01 pm at 8:01 pm #1118220👑RebYidd23Participant35 is old enough to trust his/her instincts. If he/she does not, it would most likely be unfair to the potential shidduch.
December 24, 2015 8:20 pm at 8:20 pm #1118221JosephParticipant20 is also old enough. 18 too. Many would even argue younger.
December 24, 2015 9:05 pm at 9:05 pm #1118222👑RebYidd23Participant35 was your example.
December 24, 2015 9:37 pm at 9:37 pm #1118223WolfishMusingsParticipant20 is also old enough. 18 too. Many would even argue younger.
It depends on the individual. No doubt some at 20 are ready. Others not.
The Wolf
December 24, 2015 11:32 pm at 11:32 pm #1118224JosephParticipantSome are ready at 17.
December 25, 2015 2:23 am at 2:23 am #1118225ExcellenceParticipantDoesn’t the Talmud say something about this? Or did I read it from one of the seforim of the gedolim? Hmm..,
That not letting your grown up children be themselves and hovering over them is detrimental.
But hey, what do I care? If parents persist in mothering their chicks and the chicks get agitated with them, the parents have only themselves to blame. They keep opening their mouths.
The younger generation did not grow up shoulder to shoulder in shtetls like the previous gens. We are independent and spread out now.
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