Mixed Dancing???

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  • #603313
    epis
    Member

    Epis a friend i have who nebach wants to have mixed dancing at his chasuna. How can i convince him not to ???

    #873849
    TheGoq
    Participant

    Show him Fiddler on the Roof and he will realize it will cause a pogrom.

    #873850

    epis mixed dancing is “abizrayhu d’ Arayos”

    #873851
    epis
    Member

    ya i tried that but he doesnt watch movies

    #873852

    did you not know that movies are muves

    #873853
    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    Epis a troll post,

    My advice is tell him to do it under a bridge

    #873854
    squeak
    Participant

    “but he doesnt watch movies”

    ROTFL

    #873855
    golden mom
    Member

    well solve all problems if he gets married in any frum hall they will not allow it so just convince him to get married in a frum hall and after he puts money down he wont be able to back out lol

    #873856
    ConcernedMember
    Participant

    Transparent trolling intended to cause people to criticize other groups of Jews. How sad.

    On the miniscule chance that this is actually a true story the solution is simple: If you’re a friend of his, you can have a conversation with him. The fact that you would need the advice of an internet forum to tell you that is puzzling, but there it is.

    If he listens to your advice, great. If he doesn’t listen and you feel uncomfortable attending, don’t go.

    #873857
    Nechomah
    Participant

    Nu, he doesn’t watch movies but he wants mixed dancing???

    #873858

    the ywn cr was invented for trolling

    #873859
    Feif Un
    Participant

    epis there’s mamish a guy who neach thinks his tachlis is to be a troll. L’choirah, he must think his post are in gantzen geshmak, but really, they’re nebish.

    #873860
    twinkleSTAR
    Member

    @ epis: “ya i tried that but he doesnt watch movies”

    But he wants mixed dancing?!?!?!

    #873861
    Sam2
    Participant

    See the Be’ur Halachah quoting R’ Akiva Eiger in Siman 339 (maybe it’s 337).

    #873862
    Yamoos7123
    Member

    epis mixed dancing is a very big issur. I would give you friend a mussar shmooze on the importance of seperation between men and women. Efsher you should also teach him about the dinim of mechitzos

    #873863
    Yamoos7123
    Member

    epis mixed dancing is a very big issur. I would give you friend a mussar shmooze on the importance of seperation between men and women. Efsher you should also teach him about the dinim of mechitzos

    #873864
    nanny
    Member

    is this friend of yours religious? Modern orthodox? Would you have any clue about the reason why he would want mixed dancing? Different situations have different ways to aprouch it…

    #873865
    epis
    Member

    k for all those who are making a leitzanus of me, your mamish being “chosheish bksheirim”. i have a real problem and i really want to help out my friend who is very confused in yidishkeit. PLEASE HELP ME

    #873866
    emlf
    Member

    Off the top of my head –

    What are his reasons for wanting mixed dancing? Not that any reason justifies it, but it can make it easier to approach the topic. Does he have family members who are insistent on mixed dancing? Does he lack the sensitivity to kedusha? Is he afraid of what his “friends” or the kalla’s side will say?

    If it’s a matter of ta’ava and lack of kedusha, perhaps you can try to explain that one’s chasuna sets a foundation. It’s a fresh start, sets the tone for the future . . . Keeping the genders separate allows everyone there to focus on what a chasuna really is and focus on bringing simcha to the chosson and kalla. If the setting is skewed, it can affect the marriage.

    Start off by finding something that he will for sure agree on. I imagine that any rational person recognizes that a chasuna is a special time, even if the person doesn’t understand just how special a time it is. Perhaps ask him what his goals are for marriage, to try to get him thinking in a more spiritual direction.

    Yelling and arguments probably won’t help. Food for thought can.

    And most of all, before and after you speak to him, and silently as you speak to him, beg HaShem to put the right words in your mouth and to open his heart to Torah truths. Remember that you are doing this, not because you want to be the hero who got your friend to not have mixed dancing at his chasuna, but because you want to do ratzon HaShem and help others do ratzon HaShem.

    Hatzlocha.

    #873867
    not2bright
    Member

    Well, since you said in the Israel post that you are in 11th Grade and I hope none of your 11th Grade friends are getting married, maybe you should get someone who is the same age as the choson, or get your Mashgiach/ Rosh Yeshiva to talk to him.

    #873868
    Feif Un
    Participant

    epis: Yes, you mamish have a real problem. L’maaseh, the tzuris you have are a cheftzah of your own imagination. Un nuch besser, you don’t even know the proper name for things!

    As per your request, I’ll try to help you. Go find a bridge and live under it. That way everyone knows you’re a troll.

    #873869
    twinkleSTAR
    Member

    Ummm…Feif Un, There is no need to speak so harshly. This person is asking for advice, and if you can’t give it, don’t say anything.

    @Not2bright, he might be in 11th grade, perhaps this friend is a family member or older friend that he is close with..but yeah, I agree with u, maybe epis, get s/one like a RY or Mashgiach to talk with him…

    #873870
    Feif Un
    Participant

    twinkleSTAR: No, he’s not looking for advice. He’s trolling. His friend doesn’t watch movies, but wants mixed dancing? Seriously? The thread is a joke. A bad one.

    #873871
    oomis
    Participant

    “Epis a friend i have who nebach wants to have mixed dancing at his chasuna. How can i convince him not to ??? “

    Assuming this post is not a joke (which sorry to say it really sounds like a leg-puller to me), you cannot convince your friend of anything. It is his wedding, his family dynamic, and his business. You can, if you are truly understandably uncomfortable, attend the chuppah only, and if he asks why not the whole wedding, tell him that while you are very happy for his getting married and wish him mazel tov, that you don’t attend simchas where there will be mixed dancing. You cannot change what his family wants to do at their simcha (or the other side might be extremely modern and wants mixed dancing), but you can act according to your own conscience. If enough of his friends tell him they cannot attend the entire chasunah for that reason, perhaps he will try to change the plan for the mixed dancing.

    BTW, were this my own situation, I would simply refrain from dancing. I would personally not seek to hurt someone’s feelings at his own simcha. For the sake of Sholom Bayis (with extended family members), I have attended my husband’s family simchas where the FOOD was not kosher, let alone the dancing! My husband and I wished the families involved mazel tov, and then sat quietly. And when asked to dance OR eat, we simply said thanks, that we would love to, everything looks delicious, but that we cannot, and that we do not dance in mixed groups. No big explanations, no pontifications. My in-laws truly appreciated our attendance, nonetheless. And in the eyes of the frei Jews who were there, we were menschlech (meaning, they didn’t think we were stuck up holier than thou-ers, and they respected us for it.

    #873873
    shtiky shlo
    Member

    i think if he wants mixed dancing and u cant convince him otherwise dont go (doesn’t watch movies but wants mixed dancing? try again)im sure moshe would agree

    #873874
    epis
    Member

    shtiky shlo, oomis, and feif un

    u guys all think youre so geshmak by making fun of me and calling me a troll but let me broaden your horizon..not every1 is the same there are different situatioons that different people find themselves in and ur leitzanus isnt helping. If u dont want to help thts fine. but dont mock me

    #873875

    When you say mixed dancing, are you referring to different styles of dancing? For instance starting off with a waltz, then moving onto ballroom dancing, adding a bit of tap and ending the song with some ballet moves? Maybe even adding the twist for good measure?

    Because if this is the issue, although it may look a bit funny I don’t see how it concerns you. If you feel more comfortable sticking with one genre of dance you should feel free to do so.

    #873876
    MiddlePath
    Participant

    epis, oomis’s advice is excellent, as usual. I’d recommend doing what she suggested.

    #873877
    Torah Umada
    Member

    I know mixed dancing is very bad. What about mixed seating???

    #873878

    troll

    #873879
    yichusdik
    Participant

    Torah Umada…..could lead to dancing. 🙂

    #873880

    Dear Epis,

    You have to understand that the reason he wants mixed dancing, is not a disease it’s a symptom, you have to find out his disease why he came to this level to want mixed dancing,you have to know what triggered him to come so low, when you come to the doctor that you don’t feel well and you have fever and a rash and you have no appetite,the doctor wont prescribe a medication for everything separate, the doctor will find out whats causing all the symptoms and he will give you one medicine to cure all the symptoms, the same here you need to cure his disease and then all the symptoms will be cured Bezrat Hashem.

    #873881
    Yamoos7123
    Member

    For all those who are concerned. Epis wants a serious answer and it isnt fair to call him a troll unless you are absolutely sure.

    #873882
    EzratHashem
    Member

    A lot of MO singles go to lounges where there is mixed dancing–it is so much a part of their life that having a wedding with separate dancing seems weird to them. Yet, still, they want a kosher chuppa, and their guest list often includes people who would not attend a mixed dancing event.

    #873883
    Feif Un
    Participant

    EzratHashem: You have no idea what you’re talking about.

    #873884
    epis
    Member

    Feif un

    so far all of your posts on this thread (which is very serious0 have been shutting down other posters. if u dont haveything nice to say just dont say it!

    #873885

    Feif Un- just to add on to what epis said, i believe the rules of the cr (if youve read them) say no loshon hara-what you have been saying might lead to loshon hara because very often people on the cr know each other.

    #873886
    OneOfMany
    Participant

    The rules also say no multiple screen names.

    #873887

    OneOfMany-again more assumptions-and by the way i have only one screen name so maybe gather some more info before you post something

    #873888
    OneOfMany
    Participant

    Yeah whatever, troll.

    #873889
    epis
    Member

    just because people agree with each other it doesnt mean they are the same person under different user names. not everyone in the cr has to argue with the next

    #873890
    more_2
    Member

    Oneofmany -“It’s another one of my Many usernames;)”

    #873891
    Yamoos7123
    Member

    Hockoftherock doesn’t have more than one user name. By the way as i have said before epis is looking for a serious answer, and not to be called a troll

    #873892
    Sam2
    Participant

    Three friends who know each other and decide to back up each other’s posts are trolling just as hard as one person masquerading as three. There’s no difference.

    #873893
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Epis,

    If you’re wondering how to make it so that your friend does not have mixed dancing at his wedding, here is what you should do:

    1. Ask your friend for the guest list. Call everyone on the list and warn them that there will be mixed dancing and that if they participate, they will be in violation of a severe issur.

    2. Get to the wedding hall early, erect a mechitzah and put up signs indicating which side is the mens’ side and which is the womens’.

    3. When people arrive and begin to disregard your efforts, make a scene. Physically stand in the way when men and women begin to dance. Shout and scream over the music. Perhaps even try to physically separate the couples.

    When all this is done, you will no longer have the problem of having a friend with mixed dancing by his wedding. Instead, you will have an ex-friend with mixed dancing by his wedding.

    The Wolf

    #873894
    Feif Un
    Participant

    lol Yamoos7123, how would you know how many user names someone has?

    epis: As I said earlier, this thread is a third-rate (at best) trolling job. As for my “putting down” of EzratHashem, I was simply defending a group of tens of thousands (at least) of frum Jews who he felt the need to attack.

    #873895
    Yamoos7123
    Member

    To Sam2: You don’t believe in helping out a friend in need

    #873896
    Logician
    Participant

    Can someone please start a thread where we all sign up to agree not to respond to these trolls ?

    #873897
    EzratHashem
    Member

    Feif un: Let’s review my post. I did not say all MO engaged in this behavior, and I certainly agree there are many serious MO. However, the scene I described definitely exists among a sizable contingent of MO, I know this as a fact. I’m not sure what part of that fact you view as an attack.

    #873898
    Feif Un
    Participant

    EzratHashem: You wrote that for many MO, mixed dancing is a part of their life, and that having a wedding with mixed dancing is weird. This is not true.

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