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Why is there such a stigma in the frum community? Because someone is mentally ill, does that make them a bad person? Does it mean they are blemished?
I get the impression that people are looked down upon because they have an illness; whether it is depression, bipolar or borderline. Why is this? Why are we judging people in this way?
Can someone please help me understand, please?!
Fear of the unknown. No different than a cave man afraid to go out of his cave.
Talking from personal experience, the CR is an excellent outlet for those of us here who are mentally challanged.
challanged
not only those who are mentally challenged but also those who are spellingly challenged.
Mod, that’s part of my problam.
I was in therapy 4,5 years it helped me tremendously the past few years have been the happiest in my life if u have anything difficult in your past to overcome therapy may be the path for you
Anything can happen to anyone at any time. Sometimes certain people in families are more prone because of genetics and family history and sometimes it is environmental issues or medical issues that cause mental issues. Life’s stresses and challenges can cause emotional or mental issues, but B”H therapy and even medication can help many individuals function at normal levels and no one would be the wiser.
People look down at others who are labeled “mentally challenged” or “having mental disorders” because they or “informationally challenged” or “knowledgeably challenged”. Anyone who does not have any experience in with someone with this nisayon just does not know what to expect and are therefore fearful or just have no clue and no information on the subject. They should therefore “NOT” be afraid and “NOT” comment or judge. They should wait till they get to know the other person or ask questions of someone who can answer them.
Of Course: Accusing all Torah observant Jews of an “Holier Than Thou” attitude? Any mirrors in your house, you may want to check them?
I don’t think its so much that people think they’re a bad person as much as our community seems to be rather behind the times when it comes to understanding what mental illness is, what causes it, etc. A lot of frum people still view it as some sort of chisaron on the part of the individual. Let’s take, for example, depression: Maybe if s/he studied more Torah/did more chesed/had more bitachon, they wouldn’t be depressed; s/he needs more simchas hachaim, needs a mussar shmuz from the Rav, because after all, the Torah says must be happy with your life, and if you’re not, clearly you’re not working enough at it. In reality, true depression is a medical condition requiring medical attention, and all the mussar/tischen/what have you will not make it go away. That’s where it stems from, and that’s where people need to be educated.
Because when people want to scandalize someone or ruin their reputation in 2 seconds flat,they go around “diagnosing” them with any of the above.
Is it any wonder that those who legitimately suffer are petrified to tell? Bad and crazy have become one and the same!
I have a relative who suffers from mental illness.The reason HE DISCUSSES IT FREELY WITH PEOPLE IS BECAUSE HE WAS NEVER PUT DOWN FOR IT.
Rare,but true.
And for the cynics:NO,I DO NOT SUFFER FROM MENTAL ILLNESS,b”h.
But I feel compassion for those who suffer.Although some do cause suffering to others at times,they do not realize it.
yes eclipse very rare
eclipse, “The reason HE DISCUSSES IT FREELY WITH PEOPLE IS BECAUSE HE WAS NEVER PUT DOWN FOR IT”.
He wasnt put down for it, to his face, that is! Can you guarantee that he wasnt put down for it behind his back?
Personally, having gone out with some one who had mental imbalances (i.e depression) and someone who had a health issue (i.e. cancer, but was in remission for years), I would rather take a health issue over a mental issue ANYDAY. Both are unpredictable, but its seems like there is never an end mental illness.
It depends on the mental illness. Someone suffering from depression is not the same as someone who is psychotic or a sociopath. I think people worry about the potential stigma affecting shidduchim, more than anything else.
of course–behind his back,yes.(not by me)
Supposedly, 1 out of 5 people are affected by mental illness. If you have 4 normal friends, it’s you.
Seriously, everyone has something or other going on. I think some (read: a lot of) people hide it better than others, which comes in especially handy in shidduchim, whether talking about the chosson and kallah, or their family members.
stuck:I was not referring to dating,just having compassion and not randomly diagnosing people.
I would NOT say THAT all mentally unwell people are normal spouses.
But we don’t have to act disdainfully towards them.
It’s sad.
wanderingchana, how right you are!
“He wasnt put down for it, to his face, that is! Can you guarantee that he wasnt put down for it behind his back?”
I think the real point is he wasn’t made to be ashamed of something that was not his fault to begin with, my family made me feel like their dirty little secret i had needs that they didn’t meet because of the stigma so i was left to suffer alone, i had to try and act “normal” so my dad wouldn’t suffer the embarrassment of having a son who had problems.
Shame on any parent who wont get the kind of care a child needs to cope because of what the neighbors might say.
And HIDING important,well-researched facts from a potential shidduch is not necessarily a mitzvah.
Emphasis on well-researched.
My last post was meant as a continuation of my previous post.It just got printed a few posts apart.
a person with a medical condition still has the same character traits. someone with a mental condition can be one person one day, then decide that he doesn’t need his medication any more, and becomes a different, sometimes dangerous, person the next. inasmuch as the mental health community has been trying to normalize mental health issues and remove some of that stigma, mental health is not something to play around with. be VERY careful and know exactly what MAY happen should you decide to get into a relationship with a mentally unstable person.
It’s tragic that so many people who need help won’t get it out of fear of what will occur during shidduchim, lest one find out. If they put off long enough getting the help they need, once they get married the issue will rear its ugly head, and their spouse will be betrayed in any case. Something must be done to remove the stigma.
Also ADHD is very stigmatized. These kids are great kids just have problems with impulse control. They are often very bright and imaginative,more so then non ADHD kids,because of the way their brains are wired. I know a couple of parents who were afraid to give their child medicine for it,when it was clearly necessary,for fear that it would get out and ruin chances for shidduchim for the siblings. so the kids get heeled at and aren’t doing well in school,all so the sister can tell her prospective dates that there is no mental issue inher family. Ridiculous,if you ask me.
I know a couple of parents who never let their children out of their sight and caused them to lack in confidence, and they show some hints of other mental illnesses.
Hee hee, many here know SOMEONE ELSE who messed up with their kids. Funnyyyyy!!!
Wow, it feels great to be in the company of people who did everything right and nothing wrong, with many around us, messing up! Us perfect parents gotta stick together!
cute shev! i also know moms and dads who abandoned their kids and caused trauma to the kids when they got older….seriously,im not even joking…think before you board your flight…the damage is not easy to fix…
Brooklyn Yenta- “should you decide to get into a relationship with a mentally unstable person.”
Most mentally ill people (over 90%) aren’t UNstable and don’t become unstable even if they don’t take their meds, even for extended periods of time.
EDITED
estherhamalka
Leave shev alone! She’s going on a well deserved vacation and isn’t looking for your haskama. Enough already!
yes enough
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