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lilmod ulelamaid-“I was raised with the concept of sticks & stones may break my bones but names will never harm me.”
That’s a completely goyish concept.
The concept is that if attacked by sticks and stones respond harshly quickly but if it’s verbal ignore it because here in NYC it can escalate to violence quickly. This concept is for dealing with goyim not Yidden and I have two son and I go to all the PTA meetings and never had a report of any fighting in yeshiva.
Don’t judge them, Eclipse, not many here followed all your posts from “that time”. And I suspect you haven’t even really spilled much… No one really knows.. (except me, of course!) No one follows your ups and downs, no one but HaShem is watching and following you as you handle all your nisyonos hachayim. How you deal with each situation, circumstance as they pop up… But ???? ??? ??? ?????? ????? ?? ??? ??????, for each and every one. And most importantly ???? ???? ????. Every single shtech. Even the ones cause here in the CR, unwittingly, by people in the dark. Each and every klop, heartache, headache etc… their all getting collected up ‘There’ in a great ???, flask, that doesn’t go to waste….
They’re all rooting for you There!!!
Eclipse -“men, if its over, deal with it like men.”
IDK what happened in your case, especially because you come here to rant! This doesn’t mean that you were wrong or right, just that your posts don’t give us a clue for the posters to make their own decision!
In my case I didn’t want a divorce, because there wasn’t a good reason!
Abba_S – I’m generally not in the habit of giving people advice, but I would like to advise you to stop giving people advice. There are few people who are qualified to give advice at all, let alone to strangers whom they know nothing about. If such people exist, you are not one of them.
Personally, I only find your advice to me annoying which is why I haven’t bothered saying anything until now. But now there are people who are really getting hurt by your advice which is why I feel a need to say something.
I think that if someone feels a constant need to give advice to others, it might be a good idea for them to try to figure out why this is.
to the babbler
im new to this forum but couldnt help reading all your posts. i really really feel for the pain and suffering youve been through. but its very hard to accept your assertion that “whoever defended him will give din vcheshbon” without knowing details. if you cant accept that there are 3 sides to every story can you at least accept that there are 2 sides?
Anon21, I’m sure she had a reason for saying that and it’s not really our business to get involved. I think it only adds to her pain, and it certainly doesn’t help anyone.
Oops…!!!
I bet I spooked you out with that “No one really knows.. (except me, of course!)”
OK, so if you still aren’t onto my lines… no that was (another) attempt at humor…
Resume breathing…
But I really d<<KIDDING>><<Not Kidding>><<YES KIDDING>>
“They’re all rooting for you There!!!”
That is for sure!!
lilmod ulelamaid
im sorry but you cant ask me to just accept someone being moser din al chaveiro just because its not my business. she may be justified and she may not be.
Anon21 – she’s expressing her feelings! You don’t know who she is talking about so there are no Loshon Hora issues, and it’s a Mitzvah to vent if you need to!
What does “moser din al chaveiro” mean?
LuL: I don’t think it’s a Mitzvah to vent.. it’s rather a Mitzvah to lend an ear and lend a shoulder to someone venting… (if I’m not mistaking)
moser din al chaveiro is when you suggest that someone should get punished min hashamayim for causing you harm or distress or some other misfortune. when someone does that they need to first and foremost be correct that that person is to blame and secondly be on a very high madreiga that they don’t deserve any punishments too. because if you aren’t both of those it’ll come back to you. like the pesukim say “orrecha arrur”. basically very dangerous. when you say someone is gonna give a din vcheshbon because of something they did to you your doing just that. this is not about venting feelings or lashon hara but infinitely more severe. our job in this world is to try to forgive and move on although it may be very difficult at times. but if we do that hashem will forgive us for our misdeeds even though they may be difficult to forgive for. if we can’t forgive at least lets not curse them.
ANON21: I know that, any you know that.
But the person under duress is in a entirely different situation. ??? ??? ???? ???? ????, and sometimes it gets overwhelming, the tzaar is too big for the person and he/she cries out in pain. Do you know the pasuk, ??? ???? ???? ?? ?? It’s for real! (interesting Gemarah and meforshim) And a person who cries out in anguished pain…. it’s quite a scary thing. No – she won’t be judged. On the contrary… you don’t want to be the recipeint!!!
The case in question – little me, and so many others here, ARE privy to the bit she had revealed… Suffice it to say no one would want or freely choose her pekel…
Little Froggie: “LuL: I don’t think it’s a Mitzvah to vent.. it’s rather a Mitzvah to lend an ear and lend a shoulder to someone venting… (if I’m not mistaking)”
I’m pretty sure it works both ways. I don’t have a source off-hand, but I asked Rav Pliskin (author of “Guard Your Tongue”) about it, and he told me that it is muttar to speak Loshon Hora in order to vent (obviously you have to be careful to fulfill the conditions of “toeles” and choose the person you speak to wisely).
In this case, there is no loshon hora issue, so it’s certainly not assur.
In terms of being a Mitzvah, I don’t have a source on me (although I can ry to come up with one when I have time) but I am pretty sure it is a Mitzvah. It is part of taking care of your emotional well-being, which is the reason one is allowed to listen to someone vent.
Little Froggie: “But the person under duress is in a entirely different situation. ??? ??? ???? ???? ????, and sometimes it gets overwhelming, the tzaar is too big for the person and he/she cries out in pain. Do you know the pasuk, ??? ???? ???? ?? ?? It’s for real! (interesting Gemarah and meforshim) And a person who cries out in anguished pain…. it’s quite a scary thing. No – she won’t be judged. On the contrary… you don’t want to be the recipeint!!!
The case in question – little me, and so many others here, ARE privy to the bit she had revealed… Suffice it to say no one would want or freely choose her pekel…”
Very well-put!
In any case, the person will only get punished if they deserve it.
“and it’s not really our business to get involved.”
when someone comes to a public forum and “shares”, they make it everyones business. you dont want random anonymous strangers commenting on your life, dont bare it all in front of them.
I meant “get involved in the details” She wasn’t “baring it all” as you say. She was saying that she is really upset with these people. She did not share any details, and it is not our business to ask (and that could end up being L”H, since people might be able to identify the people in question if too many details are given)
I thought you can vent to relieve tension and for healing purposes so long as what is said is in certain context and spoken with pure and constructive intentions.
To make the world more just doesn’t Hashem need us to bring light on injustices?
Isn’t that why even rabbonim today make it a point to ask us to not cover up abuses domestic and otherwise, even when we’re afraid of being shunned by neighbors and community, G-d forbid?
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