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fun limericks I used to write
no matter what time, day or night
but as I grew older
I became much less bolder
and to post them gives me quite a fright.
This is a limerick I recently wrote and got approved on Oedilf.com
On my credit report, what is shown?
How I pay up my lease, cards and loan.
(sigh) It’s really no mystery,
Based on my history,
Why my good credit was blown.
There was a young lady named Bessie,
Who went to the Loch to see Nessie,
She fell in the mud,
With a terrible thud,
So Nessie saw Bessie all messy.
There was a young lady from China,
Who went for a trip on a liner,
She slipped on the deck,
and twisted her neck,
and now she can see right behind her.
whenever I go to a meeting,
I try to get preferential seating,
not in front, but in back,
so when contact it lacks,
Nobody knows its CR threads I’m reading.
I meant “so when content it lacks”
and I even proofed it 🙁
My kids and I were on a sled
thrills n’ giggles, cheeks shiny red
we had a blast that day
no work, just fun and play
nice one Blinky! here’s another l’kovod Haman!
You thought you had scored that night
When the king sought to reward a knight
Royal Robes, a crown
A ride through the town
But the joke was on you, alright!
The story of Purim Part 1.
Achashverosh the King of Shushan
was descended from the Persian clan
he made a great feast
at which he released
a most hideous and outrageous plan.
That vashti his beautiful queen
must come and let herself be seen
wearing not a royal gown
but a sparkling crown
but vashti said no, thats obscene.
The king stamped his foot with a bang
and did his wife vashti harangue
haman said across the land
wives will ignore their hubby’s command
so I think vashti deserves to hang.
After time the king did reminisce
and vashti his queen he did miss
so he called his wise men
said he would marry again
‘go find the best beauty’ he did hiss.
I dont care if you must harass her
make sure that you find her, dont pass her
right across my empire
bring me all you admire
one of them went and spotted Hadassa.
She was seized and shlepped off to the palace
by soldiers who were filled with malice
she tried to resist
but her cries were dismissed
by cruel troopers who were really callous.
Other girls captured also did preen
and smear with oil for a sheen
Esther kept herself plain
“from these things I abstain”
achashverosh still chose her as queen.
Mordechai heard bigson and seresh
plotting to harm the king’s flesh
but cause mordechai knew every tongue
they were found out and hung
when in their plot they did enmesh.
Then achashverosh did a silly thing
he took from his finger his ring
and gave it to haman
who to kavod would run
this made him into second to the king.
Now haman was a real bad guy
who held of himself very high
to him all had to bow
or get killed here and now
so all did it except mordechai.
This filled haman with a rage
How dare he, that rude Jewish sage
his anger was frothing
all his power meant nothing
I will kill him and turn a fresh page.
PLEASE CONTINUE…
Shticky that is so awesome!!!!!! cant wait for the rest.
**SSStretches, Wakes up between the couch and the curtains, holding a plunger(?) and an empty Glenfiddich bottle.**
(YAAAAAAAWWWN) is purim over yet, anyone?
Oy, my head’s aching, banging like a drum
I never thought I’d say
my booze is making me pay
…but how did I end up in Belgium??
Dr. Pepper why are you gone?
Are we devoid of life that causes the wife fright?
What can we do to her convince?
To give you a permission slip to stay?
(Sorry this isn’t in Limerick form.)
The mods have yet to approve the post that was linked to in the first line. Once it is approved I think you’ll understand.
Thanks for your support.
Well, I can’t approve it since it has an email address. And I don’t understand, since I apparently don’t know what was going on in the background.
But I’m sorry to see you go.
-95
Is there someone else that can approve it- or do you just want to delete the contact information?
Dr. P. we will miss you for sure.
For what ails us you oft have the cure.
So don’t stray too far;
Your leaving the CR,
Is more than we can endure.
like heavy lead, like a weighty stone
sitting in my belly, like a nasty ol’ bone
though ??? is gone
those ???? burn on
all day I walk around and groan
ahoy, i am a new “poster”
in limericks i desire to muster
a rhyme that is funny
and not too punny
this is just an excuse to post faster.
gastro docs really enjoy these yom tovs,
their patients surely increase in droves,
the matzah will bind those,
who count until shavuos,
the true meaning of “let my people go”?
yehudis
Matzos are called lechem oni
But look at the price – it’s baloney
They are so expensive
Making us apprehensive
So no wonder they make us so moany
They are called the bread of the poor
Cause they leave you with much less money than before
The dough must not rise
But the price? Lets be wise
Every year it does rocket and soar
Nice of you to stop by, Ms Blink.
Epes niez, other than shlissle challah?
to the limerick room do i run,
anticipating lots of fun,
but to my dismay,
no one has come to play,
where is my welcome wagon
hey blinky, a limerick written for me?
in honor of my new born baby?
well thanks so much
for that special touch
and take 10 points for originality!
l’chaim, blinky, l’chaim!
It’s my birthday, a real big day
How old am I? Not gonna say
Let’s throw a party
Let’s make it hearty
Please join us and stay!
smartcookie! happy birthday to you
you belong in the zoo
you look like a donkey
or is it a monkey?
and you are one too!
🙂
sorry (I’m overtired these days), but I really want to wish you a mazel tov, and a year of happiness, brocha and hatzlochah, v’chol tov!
l’chaim, smartcookie, l’chaim!!
Thank you booze,but I must inquire
Do you know me, don’t be a liar?
Otherwise, how would you know
That I look like a donkey oh
I must be the cousin you admire!
And blinky, I do appreciate
The Brochos on my birth date
I’m somewhere inbetween
Eighty and nineteen
Now buy the gift before its too late.
As I sit up in the middle of the night
Staying awake is a big fight
But reading the CR is so entertaing
Much information I am gaining
I don’t want to turn off the light
This is my first post on this thread
Words are flying through my head
To think of a rhyme
Doesn’t take much time
But I really should go to bed
Elul is the month that we are in
And missing Minyan is a big sin
So to you I say good bye
And please don’t make me lie
As I go to tuck myself in…
SiDi™
As I try to write a good limerick
Which I’m having such a hard time doing
It looks pretty easy
to get the syllables right
But I can’t for the life of mine rhyme
TNIAT: You can say that again!! Very funny!
SiDi™
TNIAT – lol, how ’bout some fine schnapps to get the ‘ol brain working?
“Rosh Hashanah is coming!”, warned my wife
I drop my booze as if I’ve been stabbed by a knife
I thank my wife in a daze
begin to introspect my ways
and slowly improve my deeds for a more meaningful life.
I gave a loud shout and a cheer
When I saw the old limerick thread appear
I came to drop in
Before the Yom Hadin
Which falls at the start of each year
I have a request of my friends
At the time that we all make amends
With a plea quite overt
That if you I did hurt
Or did something that you thought offends
Then I ask you ?????? and ???????
to practice some ?????? ?????
by being forgiving
at what you find hard reliving
and have pity ???? ?? ?? ????
I love coming here on this site
for relaxation and not to fight
but after the asifa
I think about lot teefer
and just want to do what is right
so I have been staying away
from things that could lead me astray
?after droshos so rousing
on the dangers of browsing
but I’m sure I’ll be back here some day
I thank every editor and moderator
from recent to original creator
much I have gained
and I feel real pained
there is no site that I like greater
????? ?????? ????
TNIAT – lol, how ’bout some fine schnapps to get the ‘ol brain working?
Hey Baal habooze
I think I finaly got the rhyming to cruz
But after having that drink that you advised
I can’t get my lines to be the right size
So between the rhyming and the sillybles I now must choose
hey TNIAT, you’re getting there buddy
think of a rhyme while sober
then let the drinks take over
please keep it short
if not, just abort
and try again next October
Hey there Mr. Baal habooze
your advice is a bit confused
When sober I cant rhyme
and when drunk not on time
So I reversed your advice it Cruzed
Today it’s time for my annual appearance,
Thanks to my wife for giving me the clearance
So I say “Hello”,
Now I have to go,
away for my yearlong disappearance.
A Gutten Moed to all.
hello to the doctor on his yearly show
he comes and just as soon he’ll go
but welcome back
from the cr pack
we regret it will be such a short time, though
Yesterday I tried writing a limerick:
There once was a girl named Honey
tried to write limericks that were funny
When they asked her why
She said with a sigh
“Hmmmm….what did she say?”
“Who?” Asked my sister
“The girl named Honey”
“How should I know, and who names their girl Honey anyways?”
“But it HAS to be honey, it can’t be like batsheva or Shachar because NOTHING RHYME WITH BATSHEVA!!!!!!!!”
“What in the world are you talking about you drama queen?”
“I have no idea….”
I think thats the last time I try to write a limerick…..
There once was a girl named Honey
who tried to write limericks so funny
When they asked her why,
She said with a sigh,
…”There’s nothing I won’t do for money!”
There once was a girl named Batsheva
who tried to write limericks so cleva.
When they asked her why,
She said with a sigh,
“What should I do, that’s my teva!”
There once was a girl named Shachar
Who tried to write limericks on a car
When they asker her why,
She said with a sigh,
“That way I know they’ll go far.”
If you wish to know Yaakov & Eisav were 3
If you want to be a member of SUC
If you’re in the midst of divorcing
Or perhaps Greek yogurt you’re sourcing
Then come troll the CR with me!
You don’t really have to be quick
To write out a short limerick
So Shopping613
It’s as easy as can be
And really is not a big ‘shtick’
You’re a poster with great discerning
Show us how a limerick award you’re earning
You can be fantastic
With the grace of a gymnastic
Real soon some great limericks you’ll be churning!
You’re like the schoolboy who lives in Japan
His limericks they never would scan
And when they asked him but why
He would say with a sigh
“It’s because I always try to get as many words into the last line as I possibly can!”
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