Limericks!

Home Forums Humor & Entertainment Limericks!

Tagged: 

Viewing 50 posts - 601 through 650 (of 810 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #1221681
    nygal
    Member

    cr is much fun,

    it makes me crave a cinnimon bun,

    if i wasnt on a diet,

    i would go try it,

    and now im officialy done!1

    #1221682
    minyan gal
    Member

    My friends I must apologize – and only just this time

    My poem yesterday re thumbs – didn’t even rhyme

    I blame it on the heat wave

    Which makes my brain misbehave

    So now I am relaxing with water laced with lime. (the fruit that is)

    #1221683
    minyan gal
    Member

    Its been a tough, sad week for we Jews

    Full of high drama and bad news.

    Tomorrow we’ll chant Pinchus

    The ancient words will link us

    And bring shalom to help us defuse.

    We look for answers and we ask why

    And we pray to Hashem as we cry

    We are seeking an answer

    Put an end to such cancer

    But we must carry on – at least try.

    A peaceful Shabbat to all of my CR friends.

    #1221684
    minyan gal
    Member

    It seems we’ve forgotten the limerick page

    As for me, I can blame it on my age.

    Now it is once again open

    And I am sure hopin’

    That limericks will be the new rage.

    #1221685
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    Blinky where have you been hiding

    In who are you now confiding

    A poster revered

    You have disappeared

    After so much you’ve been here providing

    #1221686
    minyan gal
    Member

    Shticky, you’ve talent galore

    I wish I’d heard much more before

    As we can’t find our Miss Blink

    I’ve taken the time to think

    You will have to fill in a lot more.

    #1221687

    You’d think that with the kids out all day,

    I would clean up and put laundry away.

    That was my hope,

    But still I can’t cope

    Because this page calls, “Come here and let’s play!”

    This may have been posted already but it’s one of my favorites:

    There was an old man of Dundoon

    Who always ate soup with a fork,

    For he said, “As I eat

    Neither fish, fowl, nor flesh,

    I should finish my dinner too quick.”

    #1221688
    minyan gal
    Member

    Ursulamamish

    Cleaning’s not only a chore

    It really is quite a bore

    The dust that you’re lifting

    Is already sifting

    Itself down onto the floor.

    Even if you are ready and raring

    And around the house you go tearing

    The work’s never through

    No matter what you do

    There will be dirt on the clothes they are wearing.

    Unless you strip them all down

    And have them waiting around

    The machine as it washes

    And splishes and sploshes

    And no one can go into town.

    So unless you are all in the nude

    Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude

    Forget about cleaning

    It has little meaning

    But they will always remember great food.

    #1221689
    minyan gal
    Member

    Blinque, I wish you were back

    ‘Cause I am turning into such a hack

    Please come home or phone

    We can’t do this alone

    Your presence here we lack.

    #1221690

    Thanks minyan gal for the advice

    But everything comes with a price.

    They run without clothes

    And get colds in the nose

    And besides, it just doesn’t look nice.

    We try to teach them to be modest and tznius

    And to get dressed where others can’t see us

    But they want to be

    Naturally

    So I give thanks that at least they’re not mius.

    But you had to go mention the meal,

    Which for the young ‘uns holds little appeal

    If it isn’t oodles

    Of pizza or noodles

    It’s worse than reinventing the wheel.

    Now the time’s come to switch mental gears

    To a subject that skips a few years

    Caring for Bubby

    (Mother of hubby)

    By now we can laugh through our tears.

    #1221691

    There was an old mother named Dexter

    Whose children’s demands over-vexed her

    Til she made a rule,

    Now her temper is cool:

    If they want something, first they must text her.

    #1221692
    blinky
    Participant

    Minyan your special you really are,

    In keeping this thread up to par,

    A computer i have not,

    So i can’t visit a lot,

    But i really miss being in the CR!

    #1221693
    am yisrael chai
    Participant

    Could you believe Blinky’s back

    Others have picked up the slack

    Just pick up a netbook

    Acer has the best look

    Your posts will then be back on track

    #1221694
    minyan gal
    Member

    A visit by our dear Blinky

    Is better than nothing, I thinky.

    We really all miss you

    If you were close I would kiss you

    But instead I send you a winky.

    It is almost the end of the year

    The Yomtovim are quickly growing near.

    Tomorrow is Massei

    As I think “oh my”

    I had better start cooking, I fear.

    So Shabbat Shalom to you all

    May Hashem bless the big and the small

    Next week not much time here

    But I’ll make it quite clear

    I will still drop in or I’ll call.

    Next week is North America’s largest annual cultural festival, which is held here. I shall be volunteering at least 5 hours daily at the Israeli Pavillion (Shalom Square) held at our JCC. It is a wonderful event and brings tourists from around the world. If anyone is interested in learning about it, just Google

    “Folklorama”. Shabbat Shalom again.

    #1221695
    minyan gal
    Member

    There once was a poster named Joe

    Who many folks thought was a foe

    His secret identity

    Caused trouble aplentity

    He can surface as someone you know.

    Aliases he seems to treasure

    Using them gives him great pleasure

    It is somewhat confusing

    Not at all amusing

    When others are blamed for his measures.

    I shall try to remember the Torah

    And say no more Lashon Hora

    But Yosef, please behave

    And grief you will us save

    And please, don’t come back as Dora.

    #1221696
    haifagirl
    Participant

    The CR is simply stupendous.

    The topics are always tremendous.

    But I get quite dismayed

    at mistakes that are made.

    The grammar is often horrendous!

    #1221697

    Learning English is pretty hard work

    That children and immigrants don’t shirk

    But society deems

    Adult natives, it seems,

    Permitted to drive grammarians* berserk.

    (Isn’t it pretty how three different vowels have the same sound? I’m so happy I learned English as a child.)

    *or, grammaticists

    or, grammaticians

    #1221698
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    Ursula you have a great style

    Though we didnt hear from you for a while

    But when you do post

    You’re more talented than most

    And are often ahead by a mile

    Without dear Opening Poster Blinq

    Our numbers here they will shrink

    Without a computer

    It just does not suit ‘er

    The limerickers will be out of sync

    We still have good old minyan gal

    Who’s our most reliable pen pal

    She always supplies

    Its not a suprise

    She’s a great boost to our morale

    A certain other poster will clamor

    To highlight our errors in grammar

    While showing my kishroinos

    If she gives me bizyoinos

    I may then be tempted to slam ‘er

    As for the one called Joseph

    I think now enough is enough

    His guile is well known

    But we will him disown

    There’s no limit how much he can bluff

    #1221699
    minyan gal
    Member

    Thanks for the compliment, Shtick

    My words I carefully pick

    Limerick writing if fun

    I can get lots of them done

    Taking “poetic licence” is my trick.

    I often must change a word

    Or perhaps the tense of a verb

    But if the message you get

    Then the idea is set

    And you understand the topic you heard.

    #1221700

    joseph is gone

    to live with his mom

    why did he leave

    here it was hard to breathe

    and was annoyed by the maniac of bombs(bombmaniac)

    #1221701
    minyan gal
    Member

    Is Joseph really gone do you think?

    Or will he be back as quick as a wink

    With a new nom de plume

    He will infiltrate this room

    And another’s reputation try to sink.

    We really must be very aware

    Because he is lurking out there

    Getting ready to pounce

    The non-frums to trounce

    And then leave just as quick as a hare.

    #1221702
    minyan gal
    Member

    It is only six in the morn

    Another new day has been born

    It is so beautiful out

    That I know there’s no doubt

    From this computer I will be torn.

    My coffee I have already had

    On my balcony – it makes me so glad

    Its so great to be alive

    And today I shall strive

    To do better, if even a tad.

    Mitzvot I do every day

    Starting with shul where I pray

    Later on I’ll do more

    For Hashem I adore

    And to please him is enough, I say.

    #1221703

    Thanks, Shticky Guy, for the kind mention

    Writing limericks releases some tension

    But it’s been predicted

    One could get addicted

    Which would mean the CR I must then shun!

    Today it is Rosh Chodesh Av

    First of nine days that we’re wary of

    But Moshiach’s arrival

    Will bring a revival

    And turn the Ninth to a day we all love.

    #1221704

    We like to hear from our dear poster Minyan

    Who told us of an interesting inyan

    It’s called Folklorama

    Its mascot’s a llama

    (Cute at a distance, in my humble opinion).

    #1221705
    minyan gal
    Member

    Ursula you are really terrific

    You Googled our expo magnifique

    There, I volunteer

    Its a mitzvah, my dear

    Our JCC earns money, specific.

    The Pavillions are simply divine

    But Shalom Square is really sublime

    Of course along the way,

    You will find the USA

    With jazz music and apple pie – very fine.

    There is Hungary, Slovenia and Russia

    Of course there is nothing from Prussia

    India, The Ukraine

    Many more remain

    I can’t thing of anything else to rhyme with Russia! (except – There are no rabbis there giving a drosha)

    #1221706
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    To find something rhyming with russia

    IS hard, gal, so I would not go crush her

    But to complete the ‘lim’

    Just find a synonym

    Then your poetry would be much plusher

    Had you instead written ‘Soviet’

    (The ones who play russian roulette)

    You would easier have found

    A word with matching sound

    While enjoying their great string quartet

    They’re a nation with problems beset

    But nothing like our national debt

    Should they want to impress

    It wont be with their dress

    Rather with their champions at the chess set

    So do not break out in a sweat

    When encountering a russian cadet

    Try to sweet talk

    Not trying to balk

    At a soldier with a vodka and cigarette

    There are many, many more words yet

    That I can rhyme with Soviet

    But pray MG tell us

    Would that make you jealous

    Could you do better? You bet!

    #1221707

    You’d think, with the matzav that we’re in

    Posters would display more politeness herein

    But “Joseph!” and “dolt!”

    And more names that revolt

    Make it seem that there’s no rules to fear in.

    I myself was just rude to our President

    (At least, on the thread that he’s resident)

    I must do teshuva

    And thus be a disprova

    Of the criticism which was just evident.

    #1221708
    minyan gal
    Member

    Ursula:

    I couldn’t agree with you more

    Some posters should be shown the door

    They come here to insult

    And then watch the result

    Of infighting posts by the score.

    #1221709

    a rooster and a hen

    entered a lions den

    the lion saw these chickens

    and noticed how much they were thickened

    and the chickens were never heard from again

    #1221711
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    I really dont mean to be picky

    And I know limerick writing is tricky

    But come on you posters

    I’m not one of the boasters

    Dont leave them to just Min Gal, Ursula and Shticky

    #1221712
    minyan gal
    Member

    I admit I’ve fallen down on the job

    I can’t even blame a story sob,

    I have just been plain lazy

    On these days hot and hazy

    Other’s limericks I may have to rob.

    #1221713

    “Dear CR Member,” she posted

    My anonymity I thought was toasted

    But a message was sent

    Someone other was meant

    We could drop the suspicions we’d hosted.

    But that thread really did make me wonder

    If without the names we’re hiding under

    We would post as we do

    To our fellow Jew

    Those comments that could tear hearts asunder?

    #1221714
    minyan gal
    Member

    Although this thread goes on for pages

    I haven’t done a limerick in ages.

    In the upcoming storm

    May you all be safe and warm

    Stay indoors while the strong wind rages.

    If it is safer at home to stay put

    Than to venture outdoors by foot

    If you must, please miss shul

    Don’t be a hero or fool

    The Ravs, zei hot dos gezucht.

    #1221715

    our sweet little kids in their beds

    slept the night through with drips near their heads

    if they wanted a drink

    no need for the sink

    it came straight through the ceiling instead.

    Baruch Hashem no great disaster

    Was incurred through the falling of plaster

    It narrowly missed her

    Brothers and sister

    But soaked one who should have moved faster.

    #1221716
    minyan gal
    Member

    I am so glad you’re all safe and sound

    Though the storm blasted water around

    Mother Nature’s gone crazy

    She sure is not lazy

    Storms and earthquakes just seem to abound.

    And what have we done to enrage her?

    Its not like we’ve tried to page her

    It seems she’s just there

    And I mean everywhere

    I think we shall just have to cage her.

    It all blamed upon global warming

    I’ve heard it so much its alarming

    I guess being nice

    Will not suffice

    Perhaps we should try being charming.

    #1221717
    Toi
    Participant

    as i sit here feeling fat

    my boiach,first a pot now a vat

    i’ll get up and move

    to myself ill prove

    o wait i fell;splat

    #1221718
    am yisrael chai
    Participant

    Last week we were shaking around

    Now rain has been pelting the ground

    We would shake in the earthquake

    Had tons of rain in the hurricane

    Let’s do tshuva with Elul’s shofar sound

    #1221719
    amazingirl97
    Participant

    good 1 toi, i like it! now heres mine i hope you guys like it:)

    I am walking down the street

    upon whom do u think i meet?

    a friend of mine,

    who said she was quite fine.

    i walk away with my feet!

    now i know it’s not as good as the rest of yours but i’m getting there, i really am!!!

    #1221720
    yossi z.
    Member

    Welcome to all the new posters

    The guests and the hosters

    Though rusty am I

    Again I shall try

    A lym of which to boasters

    That really wasn’t so great

    Please excuse me I am up late

    My head it pounds

    With all that abounds

    For MT I don’t wanna wait

    To all those who gave it a hand

    Come again, please make a stand

    This thread oh boy

    Brings me much joy

    Now where did go my band?

    😀 Zuberman! 😀

    #1221721

    On Rosh Hashanah will be decided our fate

    Whether parnassah will be small or great

    Our dress He’ll determine

    Cheap rags or ermine

    And if we’ll be healthy or c”v “the late.”

    So let’s make good use of our time!

    Do mitzvos and steer clear of crime

    Pray with full heart

    Make kindness your art

    And may we see forgiveness sublime.

    If any posters have had feelings hurt

    By my postings, long-winded or curt

    It was not intended

    May fences be mended

    To other’s senses I’ll try to be more alert.

    #1221722
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    My school teacher always told me that poems do not need to rhyme, they must only follow rhythm. So here goes:

    There was once a man from Kentucky

    Who one day was stung by a wasp

    When asked if it hurt

    He said No not at all

    It can do it sting me again if it wishes

    #1221723
    am yisrael chai
    Participant

    SG

    I always love your writing

    But I happen to love rhyming!

    There once was a man from Kentucky

    Who one day was stung by a queen bee

    When asked if it hurt

    Said “Not even a squirt”

    It can sting me again if it finds me.

    #1221724

    Shticky Guy:

    see #7 on this page, “There was an old man of Dundoon…”

    There was a limerick that did not scan

    Concerning a strange sort of person

    Whose words always rhyme,

    All of the day

    No matter which way his thoughts went.

    #1221725
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    UM I do you implore

    The lim I just wrote to ignore

    I was not being devious

    By repeating your previous

    Idea that you wrote before

    There’s so many lims here to find

    Thats its easy to get two combined

    Will you me forgive

    For not being innovative

    I do hope that you dont feel maligned

    We should all approach the ??? ????

    With many more Mitzvos than sin

    May ????? the ????

    Come herald ????

    Before Judgement Day does begin

    #1221726
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    AYC thank you! I love your posts also!

    #1221727
    blinky
    Participant

    Rosh Hashana is in full swing,

    As a new year is approaching,

    A year sweet like honey,

    Full of life and (maybe) money,

    Is just a part of the Yom Tov davening.

    Dont know when ill have access again so wishing the CR a kesiva vechasima tovah!

    #1221728

    Chas v’shalom! I was not insulted

    And regret any shame that resulted

    In fact when I read

    What your teacher had said

    My unrhyming brain just exulted!

    Please continue your joybringing posts

    YWN should be proud they’re your hosts

    Again I will plead for

    And rue there’s a need for

    Forgiveness from all, coast to coasts.

    Kesiva v’chasima tova!

    #1221730
    blinky
    Participant

    That time of year is back,

    Gotta empty out the shack,

    We need to unlok,

    The succah and schlock,

    And decorations to unpack.

    #1221731
    am yisrael chai
    Participant

    Why, blinky, I sure am vexed

    For I thought Yom Kippur is next

    Rosh Hashana just passed

    And Succos comes last

    Why’dya get me all perplexed?!

    #1221732
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    My dear poster am yisrael chai

    I love your limerick that starts ‘why’

    Where you thought blinky fumbled

    By getting all jumbled

    You’ve a great sense of rhyme for a guy

    I’m sorry your bubble to burst

    Cos even though Yom Kippur comes first

    There’s so much to tackle

    Before Tabernacle

    Is this the best esrog or the worst?

    Will we have more sunshine or rain

    Weather forecasts we try to obtain

    Will our Sukka roof

    Crash down or stay aloof

    It just drives us completely insane

    Should I let the fruit soup thicken

    Or will it make our meal stricken

    When we sit with jubilation

    I need some inspiration

    Are we better with shnitzel or chicken

    What did we serve when these guests last came

    I must ensure not to have the same

    If we do repeat

    Any salad or meat

    It’ll look like our cooking skills are lame

    And I will be standing and quaking

    When the kids my arba minim are shaking

    Will I need to get

    A replacement set

    Its enough money the dealer is making

    And so our sukkos preparation

    For arba minim, sukka, food and decoration

    We for sure do find

    That they occupy our mind

    Constantly without cessation

    But the truth is Yom Kippur needs more thought

    So dont in the Yetzer Hora’s trap be caught

    To break our sentence

    We need acts of repentance

    Else all will chas v’shalom count for naught

    So get our priorities straight

    And do it right now, do not wait

    Keep your head steady

    For Yom Kippur get ready

    Do it now or it may be too late

Viewing 50 posts - 601 through 650 (of 810 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.