Limericks!

To be the first poster in a page

You dont need to be a true sage

At your keyboard keep pecking

And then keep on checking

Yossi z. please dont get in a rage!

This lim at the top was not planned

There really was nothing underhand

Just keep posting your work

And here constantly lurk

You can be the best poet in the land

Page seven says it is five,

the numbers simply don’t jive.

My imagination?

They changed pagination?

My brain’s working in overdrive.

We’ve entered the month of Adar

Which usually means Purim’s not far

But we’re in a leap year

So there’s longer, I cheer

I need more time, organised thing that you are

For some, Purim runs in their veins

due to whiskeys liquors and champagnes

Who’s costume’s most shticky

Its hard to be picky

Cos they all needed planning and brains

Its easy to just go and hire

But home made costumes I admire

You can them re-use

If self made ones you choose

Some are great and can really inspire

The hardest part is the shlach monos

Finding real fancy stuff to send across

Cant come up with a scheme

For an original theme

To send out to my family and boss

Is this stuff that’s already been done

Cos I want to get things that will stun

I must be ahead

Else I’ll be filled with dread

Will you help me? You will – thanx a ton!

Now who can I leave off my list

Of a hundred names it does consist

Plus a few in addition

Its a crazy position

A whole taxi firm I’ll need to enlist

I wont drive cos then I cant drink

Keep them separate and never do link

Putting everyone in danger

Whether family or a stranger

To do so I cant even think

From the corny Shticky Guy;

Lieutenant-Kernel

We are all soon about to lose,

A poster with very kind views,

Her name is Eclipse,

She has really good quips,

Where she’s going – we’re not in the news.

Since September 2010,

She’s posted again and again,

She has been most dutiful,

By starting real beautiful,

Topics here but now till when?

She has to return her computer,

And even asked how to reboot ‘er,

Without her laptop,

The CR could flop,

It will certainly be a lot muter.

With threads like ‘be a trend setter’

‘que sera sera’ and ‘coffee oscar’

‘Please get out of here’

‘Do you wish you could disappear’

Not to mention ‘the pull of the cr’

‘Why did the chicken cross the road’,

Was her at her best, truth be told,

‘A humble suggestion’,

one called ‘A deep question’,

They’re truly worth their weight in gold.

Who will step in to replace her,

Will we be able to face her,

If her I do meet,

walking down our street,

I will have to try hard to outpace her.

If I go with my young niece Ditza,

To go get a delicious pizza,

And Eclipse we do meet,

I will turn round my seat,

And use my niece as a mechitza.

We wish her just good in her life,

Without any trouble or strife,

If you go ahead with this,

Your new threads we will miss,

But you’ll for sure be a #1 wife.

Shticky, what a great job,

so good, my head now does throb.

Poignant and moving,

I am approving,

and you used no corn on the cob.

We’ll very much miss you, eclipse,

your leaving’s an apocalypse.

Often quite funny,

with a nature that’s sunny,

we’ll miss your wisdom and quips.

Occasionally, please do drop by,

agree, please, or we will all cry.

We CR’ers grieve

that you need to leave,

although you have good reason why.

I guess this is your swan song,

be moichel, if we’ve done you wrong.

We wish you hatzlocha,

with nachas and brocha,

so goodbye, farewell and so long.

The end of an era’s arrived,

the coffee room will be deprived.

eclipse will be missing,

we’ll be reminiscing,

about all the threads she contrived.

The time is now opportune,

because she is leaving so soon,

to bid her adieu,

we’re crying, boo hoo,

the clock is about to strike noon!

Your absence will cut like a knife,

we wish you all good things in life.

May harmony and peace,

for you, just increase,

with only success, and no strife.

your wit and your wisdom we’ll miss.

How can we go on;

your laptop is gone!

We all hope that you’ll find real bliss.

We hope that we won’t be maligned,

if we ask one thing, please be kind.

Don’t be a quitter,

won’t you reconsider?

We’d be happy if you’ll change your mind.

Oh my, oy vey, oh dear!

What do we have here?

Eclipse is leaving?

We’ll all be grieving!

This I cannot bear!

🙁 Zuberman! 🙁

That’s it, Eclipse is gone

Finished with all that fun

I don’t think she’s reading

All of your greetings

With her computer she’s done.

I thought that when eclipse left,

and all of us were so bereft,

it would be the end,

of limericks penned,

and no more identity theft.

Her spirit, it seems though, did awaken,

the coffee room was not forsaken.

There now is a sequel,

eclipse with Equal,

unless for a ride we were taken.

Hi!

The reason to my closet

I brought a chair

To get down the netbook

Packed away deep in there

Was because I had no choice….

Ads and flyers

Tickets and more

Could only be managed

With e-mail;it’s not 1984

I did not log in

Until my friend’s chat-

She told me I’m thought

To be this one and that

So I wrote “What on earth??”

But it wasn’t effective

So all I can say is

Your judgment’s defective!

Perhaps you’ll stop by

To see a short show

Good Shabbos my friends

I’d better go

Shticky let’s never give up hope

Because the limericks really help me cope

Gives me the smile for the day

So let’s make this thread stay

definitely better than discussing dating sephardim not in your scope!

try saying this super fast:

a flea and a fly and a flue

were caught so what could they do?

said the fly, “let us flee.”

“let us fly” said the flee

so they flew through a flaw in the flue

8okay i’ll admit it i didn’t make it up but its fun to say ;D

Of this thread brotherofurs did remind us

I thought it was truly behind us

Limerickers all welcome you

But if you are really new

Then I ask how on earth did you find us???

It is just a little bit wierd

How you came across this thread 5-tiered

Which had sunk thru the floor

Have you been here before

In this thread where you suddenely appeared

Daas Yochid:

double identity IS what I did mean

his/her screenname here I had never seen

so how would he/she know

of the best topic of the show

when it’s as submerged as a submarine

this thread had been gone for a week

of limericks there wasnt a squeak

if (s)he was really new

(s)he wouldnt have had a clue

about a thread that was truly antique

Hey, I haven’t tried this one

I thought with poems I’m done

But I sure am glad

That so kind a lad

kept it from going gone!

Although I love to write

I felt my poems were trite

Some courage I did muster

Maybe they still have some luster

Perhaps I do belong on this site!

Eclipse, give her more latitude,

you don’t have a great attitude.

That you have a good shiksa,

(although you can’t fix her,)

requires some more gratitude!

Blinkeleh, you can apply directly to ME for the poetic License (hereby granted).

Did yo hear the news?

Dr. Pepper found his screws,

He’s back it’s true?

Ha ha ha got you!

Have a Happy April Fools!

cool i didn’t know it was antique

just found it and decided to speak

of a limerick i found

that was lying around

and i thought it was very unique (and funny):)

Gut voch to all, did I see right?

I don’t believe Pepper’s back in sight

Someone is just trying to Cheppper

And duplicated the screenname Pepper

Your authenticity is not quite.

Heres one a friend once wrote me:

She just loves to get mail,

Most times happiness you do feel.

You should calm down,

Smile and not frown,

And to your worries say big deal!

I also wrote one about EY a nice long one.

“WE’VE ARRIVED! IT’S FANTASTIC!”, I thundered,

And just in case you wondered,

Please give a great cheer,

Cos we are now here,

Yes it’s LIMERICK NUMBER FIVE HUNDRED!!!!!