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This thread is inspired by the Haiku thread, it could be a lot of fun! A limerick is a 5 stanza poem that lines 1, 2 and 5 rhyme, and 3, and 4 rhyme. Lines 1, 2, and 5 can hace 7,8,or nine syllables, and lines 1,2 can have 4,5, or 6 syllables. For example: (this one is a classic)
There was an old man from Peru
Who dreamt he was eating his shoe.
He awoke in a fright
In the middle of the night
And found it was perfectly true.
1.
A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit more.
2.
Integral t-squared dt
from 1 to the cube root of 3
times the cosine
of three pi over 9
equals log of the cube root of e.
3.
A mathematician confided
You’ll get quite a laugh
If you cut it in half.
For it stays in one piece when divided.
4.
A burlycue dancer, a pip
Named Virginia could peel in a zip;
But she read science fiction
And died of constriction
5.
Null vectors have zero projection.
So you ask, “What can be their direction?”
They point any which way.
“That’s magic!” you say?
Not really; it’s just misdirection.
6.
The Professor said, “Now I’ll tell you
A fact known to only a few
Men and women alive.
Two plus two equals five!
For large enough values of two.”
warning from the moderation staff:
A limerick can be furtive and mean
You must keep her in close quarantine
Or she sneaks to the slums
And promptly becomes
Disorderly, drunk and obscene.
Squeak-
Sorry to be a stickler but:
Integral t-squared dt
from 1 to the cube root of 3
times the cosine
of three pi over 9
equals natural log of the cube root of e.
there once was a man from Nantucket…
I don’t love math, I’m just baiting another poster whose posts usually liven up threads.
I think “log” can be safely interpreted as ln, but if you want to be a stickler, change the last line to “equals natural log cube root of e). ‘That was easy’.
The once was a girl, now departed
who never finished whatever she started
She’d begin all inspired
but would soon get tired
The Wolf
Int((t^2), 1, 3^(1/3)) = (t^3)/3, from 1 to 3^(1/3)
= (3/3)-(1/3)=2/3
cos(3pi/9)=cos(pi/3)=cos 60 deg= 1/2
2/3*1/2= 1/3: (Left Hand Side)
ln(e^1/3)=1/3 ln(e)= 1/3 * 1 =1/3: (Right Hand Side)
LHS=RHS => check.
Squeak-
Stam Log is base 10.
(The only people who don’t know that are the people that don’t even know what e is.)
if you’re in need of a drink
Its closer than you think
start to pour
water galore
Out of your kitchen sink
These limerucks are just so lame
I really don’t know whom to blame
They must have been started
By someone half-hearted
For the life of me, what was his AIM?
For the life of me, what was his AIM?
your shvigger.
blinky, no, no, no. It’s “who kept all his cash in a bucket.” <sigh> Young people these days just don’t know the important things!
Unfortunately, my shvigger is gone 21 years, and if anyone would have taken aim at that saintly woman, I would have punched them out!!!!!! (She really was wonderful).
I’m really quite impressed
Your rhyming skills have passed the test
Lots of talent in the coffee room
I think it would be safe to assume
That the coffee room crowd is the best!
This thread is so boring
It makes me snoring
So off to sleep
Very deep
Until tomorrow early morning!
The name of this Topic says it all. We have finally reached the epitome of BORED. Limericks? C’mon I haven’t made those since Grade 3. But I will still be interested to read any that anyone posts! I am bored!
Ok I couldn’t resist. Before navigatig away I must put in my two cents. Here is one that goes written on a tombstone at a grave:
HERE LIES DEAR OLD JAKE
WHO STEPPED ON THE GAS
INSTEAD OF THE BRAKE
Whether the weather is cold
Or whether the weather is hot
We’ll whether the weather
Whatever the weather
Whether we like it or not!
i just got myself fired
for being way too tired
so now i must find
a job of some kind
oh, someone get me hired!
random, but – speaking of haikus, blinky, did you guys know that shema yisrael hashem elokeinu hashem echad said properly is a haiku (japanese poem, 7,5,7 syllables, usually about nature)?
i mean, it’s like a haiku, lehavdil and all…
A tutor who tooted the flute
Tried to tutor two tooters to toot
Said the two to the tutor
Is it harder to toot
Or to tutor two tooters to toot
I wrote this one last week:
A sinful wife had such a thirst,
She drank water a Kohen had cursed.
With G-d’s name dissolved,
Her sin not absolved,
Her innards and stomach did burst!
Here’s one I wrote a couple Purim’s ago.
Read ????? ????? the right way, ????, to make it flow right.
?? ??? ?????? ??????
????? ???? ??? ???????
????? ?????
????? ?????
?????? ????? ???????
Wolf- so off to bed she was carted!
NOOOOOOOO! The whole point was that the limerick was unfinished! 🙂
The Wolf
oomis1105-
Who ever invented the gun was trying to open a can of worms by naming a major component with something that rhymes with “shvigger”.
A sinful wife had such a thirst,
She drank water a Kohen had cursed.
With G-d’s name dissolved,
Her sin not absolved,
Her innards and stomach did burst!
How about a happy ending?:
An accused wife had such a thirst,
She drank water a Kohen had cursed.
With G-d clearing her name,
Her man she reclaimed*,
And now she is birthing her first!
The Wolf
(* Yes, I know name/reclaimed is a lame rhyme — it’s the best I could do on short notice).
blinky-
I can’t compete with the ones from Squeak.
Sorry 🙁
This is a natural for me
when not cruising in my suburban
Lights / sirens, – whatta sight to see,
BP is THE place to be!
(Sorry, my thirst for grammen, overrode the Limericks cap of 5 lines!)
(see how this works, Doc!)
Pepper, not the spice
But still quite nice,
And shares his mashkeh on ice!
I thought I’d try writing another
word jumble, so you’d yell, “Oh brother”!
And though most limericks rhyme,
I didn’t have enough time,
So this one doesn’t.
oomis1105 is thrilled to go on the date,
The Shadchan promised that the guy is great,
As it turns out the guys is a math wizard,
Who wants to introduce her to his pet lizard,
oomis1105 begins to plan her great escape.
There was once a bachur from New York
Who didn’t know how to eat with knife and fork
With his hands he would eat
Whenever on a shidduch he did meet
And now he is still a bachur from New York
I hate rhyming, oh how it hurts,
I’d rather be out playing sports,
my supervisor is back from getting juice,
and is running around on the loose,
got to get back to the TPS reports.
Here’s something important to know-
I throw TPS reports out the window.
Instead, knock down your cube walls,
strut about your office’s halls,
get a red stapler and learn to say NO.
A former classmate of mine (in junior high) many years ago wrote this, I thought it was brilliant and have remembered it ever since:
A Boy said to the teacher one day,
“Wright has written ‘write’ the wrong way.”
So the teacher replied,
As the error she eyed,
“Right. Wright, write ‘write’ right, right away!”
Here’s something important to know-
I throw TPS reports out the window.
Instead, knock down your cube walls,
strut about your office’s halls,
get a red stapler and learn to say NO.
Yeeeeeeah. 🙂
The Wolf
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