- This topic has 16 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 2 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
Does anyone have suggestions how to handle this situation
It’s easier to handle when you understand where this behavior is coming from: an EXTREME sense of low sense of self, low self-esteem. People with this behavior fill their void with recognition from the outside, since they haven’t developed a healthy self-recognition on the inside.
Then you need to deal with how precisely this behavior is affecting you.
Think about 3 positive things about the person, and try to relate to that individual in this way.
Remember the story of the teacher who thought she was getting a class of geniuses based upon their IQs? That previously failing class did a 180 because the teacher believed in them and treated them as budding Einsteins (who actually didn’t have a raving GPA). Those numbers turned out to be their locker numbers!
Agree with AYC.
I knew a girl like that growing up. She was superwoman with all her stories. The funny thing is that she never did that to me, no fake stories. I just gave her some attention and made her feel like a friend.
Give that person attention and make them feel good. You know what they say is useless, but let them feel good anyway.
JL, that is so sad. Why would a person do that? Isn’t it sad that a person would not be happy with themselves and have to fabricate lies to be accepted by others? Why can’t the others accept him for who he is and make him feel welcome without having to compete and keep up with an image that others expect of him?
“Why would a person do that? “
My childhood friend was treated like dirt by her family, including by her parents. She needed someone to respect and appreciate her.
It’s all a charade, and she knows it. Deep down, she’s getting the approval from them that she so craves but probably disapproves of and maybe even despises herself for telling lies. The more lies she tells the more she has to continue to tell to build upon those lies. It’s a fragile tower in danger of falling and exposing /destroying her at any moment. The security she finds from their approval is lost to the insecurity she feels of being exposed. When a family fails to give the love and nurturing a person needs they have a choice to continue to pursue recognition and approval from those reluctant to give it or to try to find it elsewhere (from within, a secure and reliable source, or from without, not necessarily reliable or dependable). She needs therapy to face her insecurity, which she so fears and has been avoiding, and to develop the capacity to love herself for herself in the absence of accomplishments (something, most likely, that she has never been taught).
just looking – I feel for you!!!!! I had a friend who did that ALL the time, and she said stuff that weren’t believable for a variety of reasons. I felt like busting her out on it all the time because it’s the pits to have to listen to it when you know that they are lying.
You could call her bluff (if you do it in a non-confrontational way it could work) or just in your head be like she is doing this because she is a nebach and doesn’t have any self esteem and just grin and bear it cuz you can’t change her.
Good luck!!!!!!
Just looking, I would say have rachmonus on a lost soul.
Why don’t you try to model how to participate in a conversation when you don’t have that “thing” (topic of discussion) in common. She may feel awkward and may feel compelled to make up stories just to participate and then goes on to embellish to fill the void from insecurity that she feels. Try to do this periodically and even mention later how you felt awkward and that you decided to ride out the conversation. If she’s not the only one without these items/experiences she may begin to feel more secure and realize it means nothing negative about her. Clearly, you can’t be expected to do this forever; she needs to work on herself. Unfortunately, it sounds like it bothers you a lot more than her. She may get the message, eventually, when people begin to ignore her/comments.
It’s not so bad to just lie for attention. What is much worse and lots of people do this is called Motzay Shem Ra. People love to talk about other people and most of the time it isn’t true. For example, s/o asked you about so and so for info regarding a Shidduch. You heard from his neighbor that he always talks to girls; but the neighbor in reality only saw him once talking to a girl and it was for a good reason, which the neighbor doesn’t know about. But what did the neighbor tell you -he always talks to girls. If you now go and spread it, you’re Oiver Motzay Shem Ra! We have to start focusing on important things in life and not the little things. Motzay Shem Ra and Loshon Hora are way too common!
“It’s not so bad to just lie for attention.”
Yes, it is. ???? ??? ????. For the reasons listed above.
Motzee Shaim Ra and Loshon Hora are also bad, but they do not discount the notion that so is lying.
am yisrael chai -“Motzee Shaim Ra and Loshon Hora are also bad, but they do not discount the notion that so is lying.”
You misinterpreted what I was saying. I should have been more clear. I mean – Lying for attention is Not as bad as Motzay Shem Ra and LH! And there is a lot more of this going on then people lying for attention.
Thanks for clarifying.
It seems that this thread is focusing on lying for attention, not comparing its severity to other ?????, of which there are many.
And lying for attention is wrong. So how does one handle another who engages in this type of behavior, in your opinion?
You give them the attention they need for a while, and then you intervene and say, oh really that is not that important to me, I don’t really care about that. I am happy just being myself and not keeping up with all those shtuyos. YOU show that YOUR midos outshine all of that and that is what makes YOU a great person, someone she should want to emulate.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.