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How is saying a spouse should not be prioritized the same as saying their needs should be at least as important as your own?
Unless you have aisle seat and you have to let them in or out I don’t see why it’s your business when someone else davens.
Abba: Because ?? ????? ????? ?? ???
In the course of a conversation with a teacher regarding someone he had set me up with, I mentioned that I would want to marry someone who considers me more important than his learning and his response was, “He has you and he has his learning; why should one be more important than the other.” I found that really offensive.
My Chavrusa was talking to my Rosh Yeshiva shlit”a about marriage before his chasunah, and during the discussion he asked: “What should I do if I get a call in the middle of Seder, and its my wife calling me to come kill a spider thats scaring her?”
The Rosh Yeshiva answered: “You must make her feel that you are there for her, and will always be available for her if she needs you. She should also be Machsiv Toirah enough that she knows that insignificant things like spiders [regardless of how petrified she may be] are not important enough to disturb your learning.”
yekke2 -that was definitely not the type of thing I was talking about! I’m not even afraid of spiders. I am scared of a lot of other things, but I hope that no matter what happened, I would not call my husband during Seder!!!!!!
I just meant that my husband shouldn’t just be marrying me so that I can be his slave and support him in Kollel, and he shouldn’t make me feel like my needs aren’t important.
Also, he shouldn’t consider it bitul Torah to ever talk to me or do anything for me (during bein hasedarim obviously).
What had really offended me was the choice of words, “He has you and he has his learning.” Your wife is not an object; she is a person.
Joseph I understand what you are saying but you have to realize that you can actually discourage them from davening at that minyan and possible at all. Once they don’t come daily to minyan next they start missing minyan on Shabbos and then they go totally OTD. You want to correct the problem, try to Mekariv them by respectively asking them why they are late or leaving early, it could be they have trouble getting up and maybe if you would called them 15 minutes before davening starts they maybe able to make it on time. Or if there is enough of them you can make a separate minyan for them so they can daven the whole davening.
yekke2-What should I do if I get a call in the middle of Seder, and its my wife calling me to come kill a spider that’s scaring her?”
I am a simple Jew, a lot depends how scared she is and what type of spider it is. It can be a matter of life and death if the spider is poisonous or if the wife can be scared to death example she has heart conditions. Tell her to leave and lock the house/ apt. and go to a friend or neighbor. Once she is in a SAFE environment and calmed down then you can tell her about the importance of your learning and she will understand.
DY: “How is saying a spouse should not be prioritized the same as saying their needs should be at least as important as your own?”
If I hear someone say that their spouse’s needs are not their top priority, to me that means that they don’t consider their spouse’s needs to be their own needs. Your needs are always your top priority, so I would think your spouse’s should be as well.
he was late because he wasn’t able to overcome his yetzer hara
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