Kosher Hangouts

cantoresq, Ironically (if I’m not mistaken) the Young Israel in Southfield is now affiliated with Agudah!

Joseph, the Young Israel of Southfield is hardly an Agudah. The Mogen Avraham schul is now a branch of Agudah. My uncle davened there for many years when there was barely a minyan. I spent many a shabbos and yom tov in that schul. His son, my cousin still davens there.

Not as far as I recall.

Sorry I have disappeared for a bit, but everyone in my family (me, my husband and son) are all sick! Thank you for all your refuah shelaima wishes (its nothing life threatening!)

I think there is something people are missing: Arranged marriages and limited dating is fine for many people in yeshivish/chasidish circles. Marriage works when two compatible people want to make their marriage work (for the most part). Love is a bonus. I fell in love with my husband before we got married, but I dont think its neccesary to love each other before marriage (although for me personally it was – I couldnt marry someone to learn to love them, though it works for many people). Marriage is hard work and many people are not willing to put in the time and effort. I think this is something we need to teach the younger generation – its not all about what the outside world sees, its about communication, understanding and often doing things you dont want to or arent in the mood for because it makes your spouse happy. But I digress…

Its the kids who want to be in coed situations and will find ways even if their parents dont let – thats where the issues lay. If your kid tells you they want to hang out with members of the opposite gender, instead of saying NO, discuss it with them and then provide them a kosher way to hang out. You can talk to them about rules and regulations and make them see that they can “experiment” with coed situations without doing drugs and making out. Now, you have to know your child – this wont work with many kids, and I suspect the parents who are capable of having these types of honest conversations with their kids are much less likely to have kids go off the derech.

Intellegent: About the Sternberg comment – I was a camper there for 8 years. What didnt work at Sternberg? I was a camper there from 1989-1997 (never worked as staff) so maybe its in recent years. There were people from various backgrounds and there werent any bad influences that I saw. The only thing that bothered me was when I was 7, I got yelled at for wearing coullottes but my bunkmate wore a skirt that was about 2 inches long and never a word was uttered. I had no idea what was wrong with what I was wearing – my mother bought me my clothing!!! I was 7!!!! OK, end of rant!

teenager,

I’ll be happy to work with you on a letter for you to send to rabbonim. I won’t have time today, but hopefully over the weekend or on monday.

SJSinNYC,

Okay, I worded it wrong. You’re right, in recent years the frumkeit went down. Whatever the case is I heard that they had to enforce rules stricter and they changed a lot of things. (It is now 4 weeks and 4 weeks as apposed to 6 and 3; I don’t know if that has anything to do with anything but just by the way).

Also, if you noticed the advertisements recently, it mentions something that only people who are willing to be tzniusdig or frum (don’t remember exactly what but somehting to that effect) are welcome… So obviously they felt they had to change something about their policy. You are obviously coming from a very different background than me so I guess it’s hard for us to understand eachother as we are sort of speaking a different language.

To all those who can’t imagine marrying someone who you are not yet in love with, blelieve me that I know plenty of people in my circles who did not feel any “love” to their future spouses who got married and are very happy and feel anytime as much “love” to eachother as those who were supposedly in “love” before they got married. That is the Torah way. I have a friend who recently told me that she told her Kalla teacher during her engagement that she doesn’t “like” her Chassan (she meant to say that not that she has anything against him just that she doesn’t have any feelings towards him.) Her Kalla tearcher, told her that that is just fine and that is the way we do things. You don’t necessarily have to feel anything during engagement. She is very happily married.

We are influenced by the secular world and think that “first comes love than comes marriage…” but in fact that is not always necessarily the case.

I am not necessarily trying to influence the way you do things (I don’t think you really care what I think and will not change your ways based on my comment…) but I hope this will at least influence you to respect the ways it is done in our circles as that is the ideal way. So if you don’t feel up to it don’t but at least you should look up to people who do it like this instead of condemning it.

Teenager,

This might offend you but it is for your good. Please forget about this silly blog and see someone who can really help you sort through these issues. Forget about helping all teenagers in your situation. That is really commendable but that is not what you should be concentrating on. If you are really honest about all your post and not some bored soul goofing around, you really need to see someone to sort through your issues. You need to help yourself and then you can help the world. Please don’t take offense with this but please take it seriously. I think this thread should be closed. It is doing more harm then good. You can re-open an other thread if you really just want to discuss the kosher hangout issue and this time leave out all your personal issues that you are going through. That should be dealt with anywhere other than cyberspace.

Good luck and I wish you well!

i don’t want to comment on this thread because i’m in shock that it got this far in the coffeeroom and i don’t want it to be shut down because of me.

i just have a question for teenager:

how did you keep EVERYTHING from your parents? i mean, my parents don’t know any details about what goes on in my life, but i’m sure they know that there’s SOMETHING going on. they’re not stupid – they see i’m not the little yeshiva bochur they sent into 9th grade in a white shirt. i’m just wondering how you could hide it that well.

in a way i’m jealous you can protect your parents from that. but in a way i feel bad for you. at least my parents try to accept me a little bit. they don’t freak out if i ever say or do something that’s not perfect.

Who gives the hechsher on these kosher hangouts? Are they Glatt? Chalav Yisroel? Yoshon Only? What about Non Gebrochts? If you happen to be there and it is Zman Tefilla, is a hat and jacket required? Even for the girls?

as syrian sephardi said: If a place is a hangout it is not kosher.

i did read it and i said i’m not getting into a conversation about it because i know it’s going to lead to them closing the thread. but yes i read every single post on this thread.

and i’m not telling you how i feel because the mods won’t let it through.

more like enlightening

For teenagers (or anyone else) that has absolutely nothing to do with themselves for an evening, an afternoon, or for days at a time, a safe and healthy way to spend your time is to volunteer.

The local hospital or nursing home could always use a cheerful, pleasant person to assit with basic things and the patients/residents look foward to someone nice and pleasant.

Is it an amusement park? A Pizza shop? No. Is it a safe, clean environment? Yes. Try it.

Many times it’s the home and local yeshiva and environment that create the battleground for our young people.

There are a number of very good frum regular “out-of-town” (non co-ed) high schools that are not as judgmental as “in-town” schools and give teenagers a lot more breathing room. Many parents of At Risk Teenagers have gotten their children back along with their happy faces as a result of the success of these schools.

By the time teens are at the “At Risk” level, parents should be more concerned about gaining the trust and happiness of their child, than the child’s frumkeit. You can’t be a frum Yid without being happy. Ivdu es Hashem b’simcha.

I heard from a renowned Rav that teens at the “At Risk” level are probably not m’chuyiv in mitzvos anyway.