Kiruv Question

She must experinece a real Shabbos first before trying to keep it on her own again. Maybe instead of hosting her for Shabbos try finding a Shabbaton you both could go on together. I know Ohr Naava had one recently, but I’m sure there are other places that arrange them too. Maybe try looking in to that.

Also you can try learning the Nefesh Shimshon on Shabbos book together. It literally changed my Shabbos experiences.

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It’s definitely a challenge to keep Shabbos in an environment where nobody else is, or where others may even be hostile towards it.

I asked her how shabbos was and she said that it was torture and she didnt feel any of the beauty that shabbos is supposed to have.

Since it’s easier to keep the Shabbos restrictions in an environment not conducive to observance than it is to do the more active components (candle lighting, meals, davening, learning, resting), it may feel to your friend like Shabbos is a day of deprivation, rather than a day of spiritual opportunity. It’s not an accident that Chabad’s Shabbos outreach begins with handing out Shabbos candle sets and an invitation to Friday night dinners, not with lectures about avoiding the 39 melachos.

she also mentioned that her uncle that is boarding at her house often turns the tv on while she is in the room on shabbos and he refuses to stop doing it. Her parents are dysfunctional and cant help her in any way.

I’m not sure that she should rely on those around her to be supportive. If they’re not interested in Shabbos, she won’t get a positive response by forcing its restrictions on them. Rather than fighting with her uncle all day about the TV, perhaps you could suggest that she could reserve some special things to have just for Shabbos – a favorite food or dessert, time to learn something that she otherwise would have no time for, a good book, a walk, a nap, dropping in on a friend, etc. Something to help her look forward to Shabbos.

I also agree with the above posters who recommended a Shabbaton. It’s important for your friend to experience a warm Shabbos atmosphere.

Shabbat.com has a really great system for hosts and guests to find each other in cities and towns all over the world and enjoy the beauty of shabbos. Tell her to check it out. If she is home it could be nice to go outside to a park and read inspiring books and Torah thoughts.

Raise money for her to go to Uman for Shabbos. The first time in my life that I REALLY felt Shabbos was there.

has she ever heard of an org called TWIST, Teens Working to Internalize the Study of Torah? (good it and go to their site since i cant post it here) They pair girls up and get them chavrusas (like a teen partners in torah) so they can find her someone who lives near her sorta a home away from home. their partners form unbelievable friendships and really gain from the relationship. also they have events which will give her a jewish atmosphere.

tizku limitzvos wat you’re doing is amazing!!!

The only thing I can add to golfer’s post is that buying something special to wear for shabbos is the best way to start from a machshevet-halacha perspective as opposed to starting by refraining from one melacha. If shabbos is broken down into zachor and shamor, then someone who refrains from one melacha is doing neither zachor nor shamor. Someone who makes kiddush or does something else to mark shabbos (kiddush is the obvious ideal because that is how chazal formulated “zachor”) is at least doing one of them.