- This topic has 10 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 9 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
I’d like to ask a question-
It says ??? ??? ????? ????
Just curious about that…… Is it only me? or How are other Parents
coping with the Kibbud Av (or lack of it)with grown or married children.
When my siblings & I were growing up, we were AFRAID of our Parents,
Sometimes we really didn’t like it ,and sometimes our Parents made
mistakes, but we were never disrespectful & tried very hard to honor them.
What happened today?
Are your Children afraid of you? Or are y-o-u afraid of Them?
Could we still educate our Children?
Any tips or suggestions for Increasing Kibud Av Vaim? (with grown or married children.
Coping? It’s not about you. It’s their mitzvah. Your mitzvah was chinuch, but they’re pretty much on their own now.
Rebbetzin Samet has an amazing book on kibbud av v’eim- My Father, My Mother, and I.
My best advice for parents of adult children is do not treat your adult children differently based on their marital status, when I lived at home and my married siblings would come to visit for Yom Tovim they would sit and relax at the table like kings but this cinderfella had to do all the shlepping from kitchen to table and back and back again , while my parents A”H would slave over the cooking of meals while the young married royalty did very very little, and if they did dare suggest to my parents that they clear the table they would be shouted down of course not!! ____ will do it, because they were married so they and their spouses were no longer suitable for clearing a table and they knew that my parents and I were overworked preparing for their visit and catering to them and the truth is they reveled in their status as royalty.
I don’t say this now to shame them I have forgiven them for everything they have done to me, I am just using this as an example of what NOT to do.
ikvasa d’moshicha chutzpa yisga… naarim pnei zkeinim yalbeenu
translation please ca?
DY: As a parent you wouldn’t advise your adult son if he ate food that didn’t have a proper hechsher? Is kibud av any less?
goq,
loosely, before moshiach comes chutzpa will be glorified, the young ones will make the old ones embarassed
He wasn’t asking about food without a proper hechsher.
I’m taking my chances that he’s asking about kibud av v’eim because it’s a personal grievance.
Also, parents are often the least likely to have a positive effect through scolding, especially parents who aren’t treated respectfully.
I think the OP should be asking what he can do to improve his relationship with his children, not what he can do to improve their behavior.
My concern with the OP is that he talks about growing up fearing his parents. If that pattern carried over to the relationship to the OP’s children, it’s hard to respect a parent whose actions caused you to fear them.
cg3672: The simple answer is to raise your children right, develop a close relationship and you will probably not have to ask the question to begin with. While there are no guarantees, it sure makes a world of difference.
Once their adults and set in their ways, they will have to figure it out for themselves and from their own learning. You can’t force it. Just treat them with the respect you want from them.
In general, you see children treat their parents the way the parents treat/ed their own parents.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.