Kibud Av

It says “Kabed es avicha,” not “v’ahavta.” Just show respect and every step you take is huge! Lefum tza’ra agra. R’ Dessler says that when we give to others, it makes us love them. Try that. If your father upsets you, perhaps attempt to think what he felt at the time. Sometimes, rachmanus helps.

Sender Av: There is an expression that is very apt. A Mother and Father can have 12 children and look after all of them till they die (or marry and more!, BUT, one child can’t look after his parent/s in their old age!!!!! How true are the words of Aries 2756…

How lucky you are that you have Parents to give kavod and honor/love to – ad meah ve esrim shana. Unfortunately, my Parents Z’TL are long gone, and I was the only child. I only wish every day that I still had my beloved Parents Z’TL to do kibbud Av ve Em kehalacha. When I sat shiva, I did not have any regrets. When you visit people in shiva, they usually say, “if only…” , “I wish I did…”. I had not one iota of regret. I did everything humanly possible and more. Even if I wanted to do more, there was not a thing I possibly could have done. And, by the way, my Parents’ Z’TL said this before they were nifter, and all the Drs and nurses, who still keep in contact with me, after all these years. One of the nurses, called me when she was in town, (she retired to Florida years ago, I invited her and her 2 friends to come for dinner at our home. It was such a kiddush Hashem for them to meet our family and tell our children how I looked after my parents Z’TL, for months on end.

How would you want your children to look after you when you are old? What example are giving your children of Kibbud Av ve Em, which is one of the most important mitzvot in the world?

Smile, be happy, and do what should be done with sever panim yafot!

SenderAv:

I don’t know what your situation is, but sometimes in order to fix a relationship you need to take a break to re-frame it. In my case I minimized contact with my parents for a while as I worked to adjust my views of myself and my parents and what steps I could take to take control of our relationship to make it as healthy as it could be under the circumstances that I was put in.

Sender, try remembering that when you were a child, he had to slow down to accompany you. When you first learned to walk, he had to pace himself to your speed so you could keep up with him. I am sure he was late many a time because you held him back. I am sure he had to readjust his schedule to meet your needs. I am sure there were many times he had to cancel his appointments to accommodate your needs.

Sender, B”H you have a father to accommodate. I don’t know how old you are or how old he is, but life does not go on forever. Cherish every moment you have together. Cherish every extra second he holds you back and you get to spend with him. Believe me it is time well spent and not wasted.