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These are jokes that are not funny. Take note of this and remember not to tell them.
Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an attorney got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians. The attorney kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the physician in the window seat said,” I think I’ll get up and get a coke.”
“No problem,” said the attorney, “I’ll get it for you.”
While he was gone, one of the physicians picked up the attorney’s shoe and put a thumbtack in it. When he returned with the coke, the other physician said, “That looks good, I think I’ll have one too.”
Again, the attorney obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other physician picked up the other shoe and put a tack in it. The attorney returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the attorney slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. “How long must this go on?” he asked. “This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This putting tacks in shoes and spitting in cokes?”
There are three blonde* guys stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them a wish.
The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, he is turned into a brown haired man and swims off the island.
The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so instantly he is turned into a black haired man. The black haired man builds a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns him into a woman, and she walks across the bridge.
*Note that there is no such thing as a blonde guy.
You are extremely sexist: “*Note that there is no such thing as a blonde guy.”
Is that so? Have you never seen a blonde man? Because I have. Think twice before you post next time.
@RebYidd – That second joke about the blond[e] guys is very pro-feminist.
Are you from England or Australia? Because here, in American, we spell it with an “e” at the end.
I don’t want to say anything mean but I find many of your attempts at (non)humor would fit into the “Jokes That Are Not funny” section. You gotta tone down your remarks (and maybe think twice before posting).
SiDi™
Whats green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
A horse walked into a bar. Several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in the situation.
what did the lawyer say to the other lawyer?
we are both lawyers
A visibly exhausted and distressed man walks into a bar and orders a strong drink.
“Long day?” the bartender asks.
“No, all days are 24 hours long” the man replies, amazed at how uneducated the bartender is.
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because its a duck.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
Where’s my tractor?
If life throws you melons, you might be dyslexic.
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A horrible boating accident
What’s blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
What’s green and invisible?
This cabbage.
why did the chicken cross the road?
wait for it….
to get to the other side!
A man walks into a bar. Except it was a metal bar, like a pole. So he got hurt
There was a man from Dundee.
who’s limericks always ended on line three.
I don’t know why
Haikus are easy,
But sometimes they don’t make sense.
Refrigerator.
What did the polish guy, the Latino guy, and the Asian guy all have in common?
Believe it or not, they all liked cantaloupe.
Q: How many Jew does it take to change a light bulb?
A: A lightbulb cannot be changed, it either is or isn’t. Do you mean replace a burned-out bulb with a new one? With design, logistics, manufacturing, marketing of just that single bulb- there are many people involved. It could be argued that we all play some small part in the process
How did the fat guy survive the air crash?
He didn’t, he died like everyone else
Why didn’t the octopus have any friends?
Because they are antisocial creatures by nature
What do you get when you cross sodium citrate, citric acid, benzyl alcohol, monoethanolamine, sodium benzoate, gylcol disterate, FD&C Yellow #5, ammonium lauryl sulfate, methylisothiazolinone, fragrances/perfumes, FD&C Blue #1, sodium chloride, zinc pyrithione, methylchloroisothiazolinone, ammonium xylenesulfonate, ammonium laureth sulfate, cetyl alcohol, cocamide, guar hydropropyltrimonium chloride, 1-Decene, homopolymer, hydrogenated, trimethylolpropane tricaprylate and water?
Head & Shoulders Dandruff Shampoo for Fine-Oily Hair
what do you call a grammatically incorrect horse?
An horse
a man walked into a bar… OUCH!
A Rabbi, Priest and Imam walk into a bar.
The bartender says, ” Wait , is this a joke?”
I know a joke that that isn’t funny. Here is goes…
Obama
two elephants are in a tub
one says pass the soap
the other says no soap…..radio
Oh my gosh to be or not to be im DYING OVER HERE!! Omg you’re hilarious i cannot stop laughing!!
To be or not to be – I really do appreciate those jokes!! I have a whole collection of those somewhere about…
If anyone wants a whole lot of real good jokes try to buy a copy of “the encyclopedia of Jewish humor” it goes for around 5 bucks on amazon. It’s a 1970’s era book a lot of them only Jewish because the characters are. I’d say pretty clean too, there are maybe 3 jokes in the whole (few hundred page) book I wouldn’t tell my own mother
Is there something wrong with that? I can assure you I stand to gain nothing from it, I have just 1 copy than I plan on keeping for a long time, just trying to give some good advice which in this case happens to be to buy something
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