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This article by Yehuda Dov recently appeared in the VIN News web site.
READ IT, AND WEEP:BDE: In a tragic incident which occurred Monday, Menachem Mendel (Mendy) Bolton,
a 12-year-old student from Kfar Chabad, passed away at Tel Hashomer Hospital
after suffering a cardiac incident at a classmate’s Bar Mitzva last week.
Doctors fought for his life for several days before he was declared dead.According to the boy’s father Yisrael, the event occurred after his son felt hurt
by the behavior of other children at the event. In a painful and moving post,
Yisrael described Mendy’s suffering for years from classmate snubbing and
bullying and called on parents to take responsibility for their children’s behavior.Yisrael said that in 4th grade Mendy had suffered
from a class ostracism led by one of the boys.“We spoke to the teacher, the principal, parents, without much success.
I realized we couldn’t rely on the system. We took Mendy of our own accord
to treatments which gave him support and higher self-esteem
and slowly things began to fit in. There were still times when a boy
or a group would insult him. We would consult the staff even though
we didn’t expect much and we hugged and supported him.
He did indeed come out stronger and even made friends
with the boy who had tormented him in 4th grade.“A few days before the Bar Mitzva party, he realized that
something was troubling his son. “On Monday, he slept with me.
I felt that something was wrong so I invited him to snuggle up next to me.
He got in bed, we said ‘Good Night’ and then he started crying,
painfully and hysterically. When I asked him what had happened,
he said that all the children in the class had laughed at his appearance
and when he told the teacher, he ignored him. I hugged him,
calmed him and reassured him.
I tried to reach the staff but there was no response.“On Tuesday I called him after school and he said that things were OK.
On the day of the Bar Mitzvah (Wednesday) he was in good spirits,
but during the Bar Mitzvah some incidents occurred which left him agitated and crying.At the beginning he took photos with the Bar Mitzva boy
and some friends and was happy, but then apparently
he touched the photographers pole and the guy shouted at him.
Then a group of boys started dancing and he wanted to join,
but they didn’t let him, and somebody apparently said something.Mendy sat down on a bench and cried, and friends tried
without success to calm him down. At some point he fell on the grass.
A friend came up to him and the singer also came to try and calm him.
At some point they left him and then the arrythmia occurred.
A minute or two later his teacher came and found him pulseless and not breathing.”Yisrael thanked those who tried to save his son, who was resuscitated
in Tel HaShomer hospital but had another arrythmia attack
and was declared dead on Monday.“Arrythmia is a birth defect,” Yisrael said. “It wasn’t caused by an event
but Hashem chose exactly when and where it would occur.
I’m not accusing the children of being responsible for my son’s death.
If they want they should ask forgiveness,
but more important that they learn from this.“I don’t expect anything from the staff, they are expert at dismissing things,
but I wish to speak to parents. Its your child, don’t get up one morning and say
“We didn’t know he was like this.” Sit and talk with him,
ask if there’s someone he doesn’t like, and what he does about it.Are there children suffering from taunts?
Check yourselves- do you speak about others derisively?
Your child sees and does the same.
Maybe your child is being insulted and is looking for
your support and encouragement. Don’t leave it to others.”SOURCE: news article titled: “Kfar Chabad 12-Yr-Old Dies
Of Heart Arrythmia After Suffering Classmate Snubs”
Yehuda Dov, September 25, 2024, VIN News web site=======================================
MY PERSONAL COMMENTS:As I read this article, I was literally crying, AND YOU SHOULD TOO,
because this tragedy could have happened ANYWHERE, in ANY
Orthodox community, or in ANY camp, or in ANY yeshivah.this whole comment is an absurd motzei shem ra on klal yisroel.
@SQUARE_ROOT Shame on you!his father said in the name of their doctors said this was a birth defect and not the result of anything that happened to him.
the father himself describes a whole class of boys rallying aroud trying to help this kid time after time as this poor kid was collapsing into tears for precieved slights.
I’m sorry the news media is portaying this father as venting his grief by casting blame onto the child’s peers.
How anyone would read this news story and decide that they should taunt these boys and taunt klal yisroel is beyond me.
The school put out a rebuttal. (I saw it on Kikar). While I thought it was very insensitive, they did make some good points.
somejewiknow
shame on you. you don’t think bullying occurs in yeshivas and summer camps?
you don’t think kids get hurt by bullying?
you don’t think putting anyone to shame in public is a grievous sin?
shame on you.**Attention, everyone:**
It is with a heavy heart that I bring to your attention a deeply troubling incident that occurred right here in Boro Park. It is hard to believe such distressing events are happening in our own community.
I witnessed a heartbreaking scene: a group of children from the xxxxx Cheder mercilessly bullying another child. This cruel act took place openly on the street, for all to see.
I felt compelled to act immediately. I contacted the principal and requested an urgent meeting. During our meeting, I recounted the painful incident I had observed. The principal assured me he would take swift and decisive action.
Two days later, I followed up with him. He confirmed that he had conducted a thorough investigation and addressed the class with a serious and stern speech on the matter.
I implore all parents and community members to remain vigilant and report any such behavior. Speak with your children about these issues and ensure they understand the profound impact of such actions. We must not tolerate these ugly behaviors. We are the Am Hanivchar, and we must uphold our values.
Wishing everyone a Gut Gebenched Year filled with Nachas, health, wealth, and all Bruchos.
Yechiell,
I think you’re misunderstanding @somejewiknow
He was saying IN THIS INSTANCE it’s not true not every instance
Bullying is abuse, physical or mental or both and is prohibited by multiple Torah commandments, However widespread, it must stop.
As someone who survived being bullied as a child. I can attest to the tremendous heartbreak and loneliness which accompanies 24/7. Yes there were times I cried, times I hid and times I wished to cease to exist. As an adult life is great. Married, a loving family and many friends. I thank Hashem that despite all I went through I now lead a successful happy life. Yes, bullying is prevalent and MUST be stopped. But I would like to say to those who incur most difficult times, BE STRONG it will pass with time and almost be forgotten. There is light at the end of the tunnel. And when you emerge you will be a compassionate, kind and understanding person.
A comment I posted on a Jewish news website that posted the story of the child whose death was “triggered by bullying”:
Bullying is a terrible, terrible thing that can break a child.
Death is a terrible, terrible thing that can break a family.
But do you know what can break an entire class, an entire school, or even an entire community? הוצאת שם רע.
Did the author investigate thoroughly to confirm that this tragic death was indeed caused by bullying and not an unrelated birth defect?
Did the author verify that the child left the bar mitzvah because he was bullied by his peers, and not because he was yelled at by a photographer?
Isn’t it necessary to conduct proper research before publicly accusing an entire class of murder right after they’ve lost a classmate?
This is something to seriously consider.
May the family be comforted, and may we suffer no more pain with the coming of Geula.
Two events occurred. An alleged bullying event and a catastrophic medical event.
We aren’t privy to the details to know they are related.
May nobody ever have to go through the experience of bullying on either side of the story rather being bullied or chas VShalom making a chillul Hashem and being a Bully.
May everyone be blessed with a year of happiness together as one loving nation and have a ksiva vachasima Tova ahead.
Instead of saying “Jewish Boy Dies from Bullying”
it probably would have been better if I had said:
“Jewish Boy Who was Victim of Bullying, has Died”.That is indeed a wise correction.
Bullying must be stoped, and strongly addressed.
No need to spread disinformation, especially of such magnitude.
I read this with deep pain. While a 100% verified cause cannot be stated, there may wellbe a connection. The bullying is a highly stressful burden on a victim, and such experiences can indeed affect medical issues. Whether there was an underlying tendency to this is irrelevant. It is a teaching moment. And any school or yeshiva that fails to train staff for bullying is a yeshiva that deserves to be closed down. And when events happen, the obligation to utilize them to the max is priority. Learn a blatt gemora less, if that’s the cost.
Next, bullying is a deadly serious problem. It is also insidious. It is often that the bully raises the issue him/herself, claiming to be the victim, pointing to the true victim as the perpetrator. These situations must be investigated throughly. It is also infrequent that the yeshiva has the training and staff who can do this. Consultation becomes critical.
In some cases, the bullies are children of wealthy parents who support the yeshiva or school. These situations become sticky, as there is a financial incentive to support the bully, even at the cost of the life of another student.
Staff must be well trained to spot bullying. I believe the training program at Torah Umesorah includes this, and there may be others that can provide it. It is getting tiring and frustrating when we refer to yeshiva faculty as chinuch professionals when this crucial training is not in place.
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