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EVERYTHING these days is about shidduchim. choosing what seminary to go to is really what will get me better shidduchim. what college should i go to/what career path should i take is really how much many will i make to buy a chasson. how fancy does your shabbos table look (plastic or cloth, china or paper, stacking vs not stacking) is really what will my future machateneste think. how often can i go to the Dr is really if they find out i had strep throat, they will CH”V think we have bad genetics in the family. and the list goes on and on and on. and do you really think these things make a difference in the long run? what are you going to do if one day your wife is sick over shabbos and uses paper? its not the end of the world or even any think NEAR there. when i hear the phrase “it doesn’t look good for shidduchim” i cringe inside. your shidduch is prepared by The One Above, and Him alone. can people stop worrying about shidduchim? there are more things in life to focus on than shidduchim! its not the end of the world if people focused on diferent things when making major (and minor) life decisions. use your kup and do what right in Hashem’s eyes and not what is “right” in the shadchan’s eyes
*end rant*
YAY! finally someone with their head on straight!!! nicely said “taking a break”!!!
Unfortunately, in quite a lot of communities, realizing that won’t stop anyone from risking hurting their Shidduch prospects by doing anything differently anyway.
you are wrong….everything is about MONEY! $$$$$ OIY!
taking a break, thumbs up!
its a problem, but there still are some normal people out there. i used to tell my mother (im a guy and B”H happily married) that if she cares about stacking or scraping shes not for me. if he does you probably dont want to marry him anyway. hang tight, Hashem has someone tailor made for you.
you are so right! my child has a disability and the second we found out i cried. why? SHIDDUCHIM! will my child have a hard time with shidduchim? i try to focus on teh positive about how the disability barely affects my child, thanks to technology..:)
i know its all in Hashems hands and He will send the right one at the right time…but i cant help it that when i do things for this child i always make the decision on how it’ll affect shidduchim. (paper vs. china or toilet trained at 3, or anything like that is not included. that is ridiculous and should be irrelevant to shidduchim.)
Looking back, I say we need to start from the ground up – our high schools. When I was in 12th grade the big Question was Kollel vs College – what do you want your chosson to be doing. They kind of forgot about the important part here. What do YOU as a human being want to do. It is not self centered or against halacha or hashkafa for a Bais Yaakov girl to consider her own wants, needs, and career options as well as the “career” options of a potential shidduch. Paper vs plastic is old hat and stam shtus. I do believe (as I have said here before) that a woman’s avoda is her husband, children and home, but she is still a person who, more often than not, does need a job outside the home. Would it be so terrible if our girls were raised to believe in themselves as women unto themselves?
I tell most of the yeshiva bachurim whom I cross paths with that older girls (22+) are definitely a better option than a clueless, brainwashed 19 year old with no real hadrachah of her own. Learn for a couple of extra years, maybe even complete a college degree (or come close). And then when YOU have hadrachah of your own, you will find a girl close in age who has also matured enough to know what she wants out of life, and what HaKadosh Baruch Hu wants from her.
tab; thanks foe letting it out. It feels good doesn’t it?
You make a valid point! Some people just do what they know is right
in HB”H eyes, while others still keep worrying about what will the neighbors say. Personally, I’ve always Feifed Shtusim like that.
Good for you. As long as your measuring stick is halacha, not people, you’re good to go!!! 🙂
This sentiment comes up in society, and then slowly shrivels away. The reality is a lot that we do, we have no reason for. When the questions start building up, the questioners get shifted into the least intelligent parts of our society. Shidduchim. the real course of action, is to just not conform to the stupidity. And you will see that almost nobody really cares.
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