It breaks my heart

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  • #595673
    Feif Un
    Participant

    A few minutes ago my doorbell rang, and there was a woman there collecting tzedakah. Here’s the problem: in my area, the Rabbonim established a Vaad Hatzedakah a few years ago. They don’t distribute the money themselves – they just verify that the people are legitimate and issue a letter saying so. They announced in the shuls that you should only give tzedakah to those who have a letter from the local Rabbonim. I don’t know the background, it could be that there were some fakers going around, but these are the rules they set.

    Anyway, the woman at my door didn’t have a letter. I explained to her that I’d love to help her, but the local Rabbonim said that unless she has a letter, I can’t. I even tried calling the Rav in front of her, but he didn’t answer. I told her, “Please, go see the Rav, and come back. I’d love to help you out, but this is what my Rabbi said, and I have to follow him.” She wasn’t very happy, and began getting very short with me. She showed me letters from Lakewood, Far Rockaway, and Brooklyn that supported her. I explained that she needed one from the local Rabbonim or I couldn’t help her, and repeated, please return after you get it so I can help you! She said she didn’t want to get the letter and left.

    I feel bad for her. I give tzedakah to almost everyone who comes to my door and has a letter. Last year, unfortunately, I wasn’t in a position to give and was broken hearted when I had to turn people away. Now that I can, I try to help as many as possible, but I still have to follow the rules the local Rabbonim set down. I wish she didn’t insist on not getting the letter.

    #749518
    observanteen
    Member

    Something’s fishy here. Why was she so adamant about it?

    #749519
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Sometimes a local tzedakah vaad only issues a certificate for a certain amount of time; maybe she had one and it expired, and she could not get another.

    Sometimes a particular collector cannot find a convenient time to meet with the vaad.

    I’m not saying you should give her money, just that her refusal to get a letter does not mean that she’s certainly a fraud.

    #749520
    s2021
    Member

    Feif- WOW! Im inspired by u

    #749521
    Yatzmich
    Member

    How much were you going to give her already $500.00? If you’re just going to give her a dollar or two (or 5), what’s the big deal. If your heart breaks for her, so give her the money, what, do you think you’re going to get zapped or something?

    It’s degrading for a person collecting to have someone scrutinize his Ishur and then give the guy only a dollar. How many collectors do you think are frauds anyway, 10%, 20% or even 30%? In business you wouldn’t take a 30% risk on your investment?

    If your writing a check for a substantial amount, fine, scrutinize the ishur, the Meshulach is proud to show it to you.

    #749522
    hanib
    Participant

    why are you guys criticizing feif on – this is the minhag for this city. if the woman wants to collect in that city, this is what she has to do and then she won’t have any problems. if people don’t follow the rules, the whole system of that city can break down. obviously, the system is there to help people give tzedakah to only legitimate causes.

    #749523
    Feif Un
    Participant

    My heart didn’t break for her situation. I wanted to help her, but she doesn’t want to help herself. How much would I give her? Probably $18 or so. Nothing huge, but it’s what I can give. I wish I could afford to give $500 to one person! As for scrutinizing the letter, this is what the Rabbonim said for our area. Would you eat something that wasn’t really treif, but might not be so kosher? WHy should the amount matter? This is what the Rav said, end of story.

    #749524
    smartcookie
    Member

    Feif un- how about, if a collector comes again without the letter, give them a small donation ($1-$5). It will make them happy and you won’t feel guilty that you sent them away empty handed.

    #749525
    Feif Un
    Participant

    smartcookie, because the Rabbonim in the town said that you shouldn’t give them anything if they don’t have the letter. I give them the Rav’s phone number, and ask them to please come back when they have the letter.

    #749526
    Grandmaster
    Member

    Feif: Does it make financial sense for her to travel to the Rav and then back to you to get $10 from you?

    #749527
    tzippi
    Member

    Feif un, the rabbanim said not to give ANYTHING? Not even a smaller donation than usual?

    #749528
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    I was once collecting in Detroit on behalf of a yeshiva.

    One house we went to asked if we had the letter from the city. They were the only ones who wanted it.

    We didn’t have one, so the guy proceeded to give us a 5 minute speech about how we were disrespecting the city by not having one.

    (I have noticed there are two types of people in the world; those who demand respect and those who have respect.)

    In any event, at the end of that, he gave us a preprinted check from a stack by the door, telling us that it was made out to the tzedaka committee, and that we must go there to have it cashed.

    It was for $3.

    So, what do you think we did with the check?

    We gave it to a meshulach.

    #749529
    ✡onegoal™
    Participant

    Papa- Are you for real?

    #749530
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    I am for real. Isn’t that a riot?

    #749531
    Yatzmich
    Member

    Why should the amount matter?

    I’ll tell you why. It’s not only the money, there are real people’s feelings here, too. Go make the guy pull out his ishur for a measly dollar, I don’t think so. You said your self your heart breaks for her.

    #749532
    Bar Shattya
    Member

    If i were to do that which fief un did i would be a jerk.

    I am on a high enough level of gadlus as to not orture a lady who is clearly not lying.

    Whether she decides to get a letter or not is none of my business. the rabbonim did not issue a law, but rather an eitzah tovah. And they are sweetie pies for it too.

    #749533
    Bar Shattya
    Member

    I furthermore am loath to someone who wastes my time when i have nicer people to visit and a limit to their availability.

    #749534
    Grandmaster
    Member

    Not giving someone tzedaka is a much bigger loss to the donor than to the recipient.

    #749535
    farrockgrandma
    Participant

    If you are so sure that she is not lying, then go ahead and give her the money. On the other hand, seeing panhandlers in the subway, a few dollars on each car, then moving on to the next – a crooked beggar can collect quite a lot in a few hours. I am not so bothered by requiring those collecting to have some documentation, as by the way I am becoming hardened and skeptical and find it so easy to say no.

    #749536
    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    Sometimes a local tzedakah vaad only issues a certificate for a certain amount of time; maybe she had one and it expired, and she could not get another.

    daas,

    if that was the case she should have shown the old certificate, if she took the time top go to the vaad in lakewood etc, she should have taken the time to go to the Rav in that city, these haskamas aren’t a free pass for everywhere but they do add to a city’s haskama

    #749537
    Bar Shattya
    Member

    farrockgrandma- “If you are so sure that she is not lying”

    i AM so sure that she is not lying and Feif Un was too.

    Feif un convicted himself by saying “She showed me letters from Lakewood, Far Rockaway, and Brooklyn that supported her.”

    #749538
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    Nothing in feif un’s story gave me the impression she was honest. I don’t find the honest one’s responding that way. That doesn’t mean she wasn’t, but it sure didn’t sound like she was. And since we get so many meshulachim coming to our doors, and so many of us don’t have much to give, it DOES matter if someone who doesn’t deserve it takes money. That may be my last $5. The reason the Rabbis in our city said not to give without a letter was because there were liars out there who were getting plenty from all the small bills they collected without the letter. If the word gets out that they need a letter to get anything at all, they may not consider trying to sneak by. What would stop an honest collector from doing things according to the rules?

    #749539
    hanib
    Participant

    maybe you guys are coming from different kinds of cities than feif on. but i know one city (i’m sure there’s more) where that is the rule and everyone follows it. she’s not going to the va’ad just to get feif on’s $18, but to get this person’s $5 and another person’s $100 – that’s the way the system works – and there is no way for feif-on or anyone else to know if she’s legit. or not without taking much more of her time. if she goes to that city to collect, that is what she must do. and feif on totally did the right thing – i can’t even understand how it’s a question.

    #749540

    There is an Issur to give even a penny to someone that does not deserve it. It is gezaila because you are stealing it from the real ani.

    If there is a rule in the town no matter if you like it or not, it can not be broken. If you don’t like the rule then leave. Todays genaration is like this because of all the people that don’t listen to rabannim.

    All those other letters could have been a fraud and she knew if she went to the vaad they would have figured it out.

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