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Im not married but I wear a shaitel.. Everywhere I go people are asking me my married name, where Im living, what my husband does.. I dont really mind.. thats just how ppl are where I live. However I dont want to create awkward situations for the other person in middle of a bagel store or a nail salon or Shul.. So I decided to just create a fictional husband, place where we live, what he does… I thought it was perfect. I even made his name and everything.. But now Im thinking- wait- would that be allowed??
Thoughts?? 🙂
How tall is he?
No offense, but your question is the least interesting part of this story.
Can you ask a Rav? This sounds like a very complicated situation.
Also, can you get a more natural looking sheitel?
s2021~ no offense, but I think spinning this fairy tale of fantasy is veryyy peculiar; wouldn’t it just be easier to say: “it’s complicated” when a person is inquiring into your personal business?
if the truth gets out, & it usually does, your reputation & credibility will always be suspect and questioned. JMHO.
s2021~ women/people come up to you & ask you ‘what’s your married name?’ as opposed to just ‘what’s your name?’? … that’s peculiar. it would make more sense if they asked you ‘what’s your family (maiden) name?’ if they see you’re wearing a sheitel.
if they have to ask your name, they probably don’t know you very well to begin with… so what does it matter what last name you give them?
good idea to stay away from untruths.
does he play football??!
Bad idea. Bad for your middos, bad for your reputation (if someone catches on), and bad for shidduch prospects (if someone knew you were no longer married, maybe they would have an idea for you).
My suggestion? Just say the truth in as subtle way as possible.
Examples:
What’s your married name?
I went back to my original name which is _____ .
Where do you live?
_____ Street.
What does your husband do? (trickier one)
I haven’t kept up with my ex-husband.
Just my two cents, answer honestly and if it gets too personal tell the yenta(of either gender) to mind her own business.
im just trying to make conversation…
Definetely, a shaila of belonging (c^v) to kas(group) shakronim asher einam mekablim pnei HaShechina.
Halachicly, one is allowed to lie to keep the peace. I would assume this would fall under that rule and be muttar. But then again, I’m no possek so ask your Rov.
However, even if lying if halachicly permitted here it still might not be the best idea. As always here pointed out, when people find out the truth you may have a problem. IMHO the best one with the best idea so far is Daas Yochid.
yay s, we can so be friends now!!!
What’s wrong with simply saying “I’m no longer married”? and leave it at that? If they have further inquiries you can choose to answer or not.
lololololololol 🙂
why are u wearing a shaitel if ur not married r u divorced?
s2021 – Perfect solution -get remarried. And you won’t have to lie anymore.
GumBall:
“lololololololol”
Laugh out loud out loud out loud out loud out loud out loud out loud?
If he hunts him down -make sure you have a large life insurance policy on him. This will kill two birds with one stone. You will make money and your ex will go up the river for a long time.
2021- you’re best off being honest. Lies always come back to you. It’ll be more embarrassing to make up answers and then people will find out you’re divorced.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with answering- I’m divorced. Perhaps a bit uncomfortable but it’s not unheard of and crazy. People understand.
If I would ask someone a question(which is why I never even ask such simple questions), I wouldn’t think it’s awkward of her to answer that she’s divorced.
Do yourself a favor and stick to the truth.
Just a note to all of you out there:
When you meet someone whom you didn’t meet in years, and you have no idea where they’re up to in life- don’t ask questions.
What’s your name now?
Where do you live?
Do you work?
How many kids do you have by now?
Where do ur kids go to school?
Etc etc…
These questions seem SO harmless, but you might make the other person very uncomfortable. You can never know what a person is going through in any point of their life.
2021-do you agree with my post or was that one big lecture?
You don’t have to yell- DIVORCED!!!
If you’re in public, you can whisper it to the “interviewer”!
If I’d ask those questions and you would lie, I would be more embarrassed if I found out later that you covered up, than if you’d say that you’re divorced.
I do realize that it’s hard, and my heart goes out to all those who have this problem. But I still think it’s best to say the truth.
(Sometimes if you know the person will leave you alone after ques #1, you can just shake ur head and say a lil lie!)
Smartcookie: I’m not so sure. Although I didn’t ask a sheila, it does say in the Torah “midvar sheker tirchak”. The “interviewer” does something wrong by interrogating somebody but this doesn’t exactly give you the “go ahead” to “tell a lil lie”. Unless of course you asked a rav.
If you’re wearing it because of illness, or even just thinning hair, it’s no one’s business but your own, and you owe no one any explanations. Frankly however, this whole thing sounds a little like a belated Purim Shpiel to me… (if I am wrong, I apologize, but if you are just pulling our leg,’fess up).
I smile politely and say “I’m a single mother now” or just “I’m not…”(ie.married–understood by the pause)
With the smile,they don’t feel like they made me uncomfortable.
And when the inevitable “I’m so sorry” comes,I say “It’s better this way” or “It needed to happen” and THE CONVERSATION MOVES ON.
(when the person has brains,that is)
eclipse: Brilliant! Love it!
s2021…don’t you love when they say…”send him love,send him forgiveness”….I want to say I was thinking more like a mail bomb…JUST KIDDING EVERYONE,but I couldn’t resist.
u know the fbi is monitering this cr…
Hey, s2021 I know what u mean!
Oh,well then I meant male bombshell,the ONLY kind cshapiro dates!!
Ok,it’s way past my bedtime,my posts are getting crazy!
marry a guy in his 90s that is well off and never had children.
mewho..they call it “one hand on his shoulder,and his foot on a banana peel”.A joke some find offensive,for some odd reason!:)Even I think it’s mean.Anyway,money comes and goes.
but looks last forever…!!??! lol
“oomis- the inspiration of the idea did come to me on Purim… Havent yet grown out of the Purim Spirit to decide if this is a tot wacky shpiel or a tot wacky idea that can be applied on a regular day.. :)) “
s2021 – :0)
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