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Hire a personal assistant instead.
“My brother brought his date (right before getting engaged) a bag of flour and told her to bake him something.”
If she was smart, she would have taken three dollars from her purse and told him to pick up a loaf of bread at the nearest bakery. If she had the cajones, she would have told him to go earn the three dollars for the loaf of bread. If she REALLY had guts she would have responded, yes sah, mastah.
Whiteberry: Whether she would choose to be smart, have cajones or guts, or simply bake a cake, the decision for him at the end of the day would be pretty clear.
Whiteberry: Girls with those kind of smarts, cajones and guts are the ones who often can’t get married. Since she B’H doesn’t have those middos you described, she is an eishes chayil rather than an old maid.
First, it’s cojones, not cajones (where’s Haifagirl when we need her?).
Second, by definition a person with cojones isn’t female.
If a person is chronically falling behind in her responsibilities at work, that might be a clue. Ask her about her job. Is there a lot of paperwork? Pay attention to what she complains about and try to explore further.
Notice her house when you pick her up. Is it in a complete disarray? People usually try to clean up before. It may point more to her mother’s habits, but you might get a clue how she was raised. If it’s really clean, you can complement her and her mom’s ability to handle it all on her own. If the girl contributes help and she wants you to know, she’ll be sure to mention it.
You might also want to just verbally own up on a date to what you think you need. If it sounds like a poor match to who the girl is, she just might tell you (but you run the risk of having her run for the hills that you’re starting out with such specific expectations). People don’t like to feel pressure to live up to someone else’s dreams.
Instead of ‘telling’ each other what to do, they should be asking each other, using please and thank you. One small but important way to divorce-proof a marriage.
If he doesn’t want to do that much, then he is definitely looking for a personal assistant, or a maid, not a wife.
I know a certain person who would use the following formula to secind guess what kind of spouse a person is likely to be:
Invite them round for a shabbos. If the visitor helps stack the dishes, clear the table, lay the table, strip the bed before leaving etc etc, they reckon he/she is the caring type and is likely to be a kind and caring to their partner!
The answer to your question is it is not so simple. Most of the time a girl who helps out a lot at home will be a girl who is trained to be a balabuste and usually she will be able to run a home the way you want. But that is not always true. I have seen girls who never had to lift a hand at home become unbelievable balabustes and some girls who have made shabbos from when they were children be not able to cope nearly as well. I am impressed that you understand that this is not always intrinsic and realize that this is important. Kol Hakovod!
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