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Technology has made the world become very small, with smart phones & email the range of choice of a shidduch has become more sophisticated & instantaneous. I wonder if the shidduch crisis corresponds with the use of smartphones & technology. A photo provides a 2-dimensional snapshot of a person but every shidduch age girl now has many pictures shared with her friends which can possibly leave a bad first impression.
shadchanim who once worked within one geographic location & tried to match up the harder situations can now focus on more lucrative matches based on technology.
The age gap in combination with technology filtering may be causing the shidduch crisisAnecdotal evidence strongly indicates a correlation of those who are technology non-savy/little users are much less affected by the shidduch crisis and get married much quicker.
The civil war caused a huge shidduch crisis. Thanks, Lincoln.
Lincoln wasn’t the cause of the Civil War.
Absolutely, tho not exclusively! Tho many people here would rather believe that Hashem just couldn’t figure out how to bring enough boys into the world (lost the recipe?) or that His timing seems off somehow, because it absolves them from the responsibility of introspection, tshuva, charata and finding a way to actually be mechanech the coming doros on what qualities in life as actually being important.
When someone has 50 girls names and 50 boys names, and then some mothers check facebook, and google plus as well as their 4 “shidduch WhatsApp groups” they come across pictures, stories or rumors that automatically toss 20 (arbitrary number) girls or boys into the “no thank you” pile. Not even worth finding out if the “research is relevant or legitimate”. They don’t like the smile, the weight, the friends, the fact that there was a picture online….you name the reason (SPECIFICALLY *NOT* halachically sound reasons, just preferential reasons).
Now our “pool” is shrunken, a whole bunch of people are in the “reject pile” and the numbers are uneven. So many girls and boys have been dumping shidduch suggestions after their social media research which is, unfortunately, not always accurate and upstanding. And after dumping all those names…they wonder why there “are no suggestions coming in” (well, of course, I only mean GOOD suggestions. theyother names don’t count)We used to be very careful who we approached for information. We never sent out bulk mailings to find out about someone. If you asked 100 people about almost anyone, you will invariably find people with a vendetta, similar sounding name, bad experience.
And since you don’t really “know” many of the sources of information, how can you possibly interpret their subtle descriptions “she’s definitely her own thing”, “oh he used to be all over the place” (in kindergarten, but…whatever) “definitely intense”.
I, for one, am pretty sure Hashem is still making shidduchim. I have seen enough to believe we no longer “sift through” our options very well. When 10 people are in a room and someone walks in, looks around and says, “where is everybody” it is obvious that they have specific people in mind. but it is also obvious that they just batuled those 10 people.
And it is an old lesson that when we fail to adequately appreciate the gifts that Hashem gives us, and we start tossing them in “reject piles”, Hashem gives less gifts so that we can do a cheshbon hanefesh, figure out why we are suffering from this deprivation, AND CHANGE. Finding sociological excuses is denial. Thinking Hashem is depriving people of shidduchim because the gene pool is off kilter is offensive. Daven for the singles, and daven for the dor who can’t figure out if they really want to be stuck with someone who wore brown flats with their mustard colored skirt and stood next to a lady who was ugly in a picture they got from someones status pic.
Hashem allows Klal Yisroel to marry two (or more) wives. That’s Hashem’s solution to the shidduch crisis.
Haimy, how are you defining “the shidduch crisis”?
Joseph, Americans have a tradition of blaming everything on random presidents of the past.
Hashem allows Klal Yisroel to marry two (or more) wives. That’s Hashem’s solution to the shidduch crisis.
He also said we need to follow our chachomim. Since they forbid it, that’s obviously not Hashem’s solution.
Only part of Klal Yisroel’s chachomim forbid it. And even that ban was time limited. Just as it was later extended by Ashkenazic chachomim, our chachomim can discontinue the ban.
Yes, technology is causing the shidduch crisis. If it weren’t for technology, people wouldn’t be able to post narishkeit about the shidduch crisis in the CR.
Only part of Klal Yisroel’s chachomim forbid it.
Punkt the segment of Klal Yisroel which has the disparity issue.
The present chachomim don’t want to rescind the ban to “solve” the shidduch crisis only to make a much worse sholom bayis crisis.
“Punkt the segment of Klal Yisroel which has the disparity issue.”
Only a subset of that segment has the disparity.
“The present chachomim don’t want to rescind the ban to “solve” the shidduch crisis”
That’s merely your speculation about their motivation for not having acted yet.
“only to make a much worse sholom bayis crisis.”
That’s your opinion. (Remember, even if enacted it would still only be done by a small minority of families; and they will be selective in who chooses to, and is able to, do so.)
Everything you’re saying about this, you could’ve equally have claimed about the crazy idea of pushing for closer in age shidduchim before the Gedolim came out in support of that initiative.
LU: You wrote: “Yes, technology is causing the shidduch crisis. If it weren’t for technology, people wouldn’t be able to post narishkeit about the shidduch crisis in the CR.”
This is absolutely brilliant! I agree.
We have several problems here. Firstly, is there a shidduch crisis? It seems to me to resemble the discussion about climate change. You first decide if you want this to be a problem, then get enough people to buy into it, then fashion the science and scientists around it. There have been some rather educated discussions, with analysis of data. Not terribly scientific, but a good try. Even that yields no real conclusion. All we really know is that specific singles are struggling to find their shidduch.
Secondly, the trend seems to be to place the technology, internet, smartphones, etc. as the universal cause for problems. This happens to make very little sense. It is like blaming the Vietnam War on technology. It might sound good. But whatever “shidduch crisis” is believed to exist, it predated technology by many years.
Like everything else, technology is widely used, and some aspects of it can easily contribute to various problems. Can one blame lashon horah on social media? I wouldn’t doubt the contributions to LH by social media. But the problem existed eons ago. Schmutz existed as far back as one can study history. We all know what the oldest profession was. The internet facilitated matters, and greatly reduced effort needed to do these aveiros. Did technology cause it? Bupkis!
LU: You wrote: “Yes, technology is causing the shidduch crisis. If it weren’t for technology, people wouldn’t be able to post narishkeit about the shidduch crisis in the CR.”
TLIK: “This is absolutely brilliant! I agree.”
Thanks! 🙂 I’m glad we agree on something!
+1 syag!!
TLIK: while it’s a nice, “clean” catch phrase, it never was the oldest profession. The wording makes it seem like men are wired this way, since it’s been going on for a long time, and essentially tries to “kasher” it. So old profession, unfortunately yes, but definitely not the oldest.
There are plenty of single men too. And why “if it were your daughter”? Many posters here are not old enough to have a 39 year old daughter.
Joseph-
“That’s merely your speculation about their motivation for not having acted yet.”
What do you think is their motivation for not having acted yet?
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