Home › Forums › Decaffeinated Coffee › Is it tzanuah to talk to girls in the Coffee Room?
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February 17, 2013 3:35 pm at 3:35 pm #608250bris kodeshParticipant
It’s occurred to me by reading through the coffee room threads that a large number of the commenters here are actually high school girls or just post-high school. Is it tzanuah to ‘talk to girls’ here? In fact, is it even tzanuah for the girls to be here? I’ve seen comments that seem quite personal and revealing, even flirty, at times here.
February 17, 2013 3:39 pm at 3:39 pm #930652popa_bar_abbaParticipantIn fact, is it even tzanuah for the girls to be here?
Why would the onus be on the girls? You think it isn’t tznius? So you leave.
As my mashgiach said when someone suggested the women should come through the back door of the yeshiva on shabbos: you could go through the back door.
As to the actual question: I think it is mostly ok, since we don’t know who each other are and there is no way to contact anyone for real. But if you feel like a comment you are going to make is innapropriate–then you shouldn’t make it. And if you feel like the “relationships” you are getting into here are innapropriate–then you should leave.
February 17, 2013 4:21 pm at 4:21 pm #930653Torah613TorahParticipantThere is no way to prove if you are a boy or a girl. And there is no way to contact others.
If you don’t like it, find another site that is better. You won’t. There is no place as kosher as YWN on the internet that allows user interaction and is as safe and well-run.
Also, what does age have to do with it? If you think that it’s bad just because it’s high school girls, let’s say you were talking to 30 year old married women, halachically that would only be worse.
February 17, 2013 4:22 pm at 4:22 pm #930654akupermaParticipantHow do you know the gender, or even the species, of whom you are talking to in Coffee Room. The seventeen year BY girl may actually be 35 year off the derekh ex-yeshiva bochur, or perhaps a very clever poodle, or maybe a Vulcan with a sense of humor.
February 17, 2013 4:35 pm at 4:35 pm #930655☕ DaasYochid ☕ParticipantThere is no way to prove if you are a boy or a girl.
In depth analysis of certain subjects might be a pretty good giveaway. It would be unlikely, for example, for a chakirah about a machlokes between the Ketzos and the Nesivos to be written by a sixteen year old girl. We likely could find examples the other way, as well.
February 17, 2013 4:40 pm at 4:40 pm #930656YW Moderator-007ModeratorHere is a better question, is “bris kodesh” allowed to have more than one screename?
Take this as a warning.
February 17, 2013 4:44 pm at 4:44 pm #930657☕ DaasYochid ☕ParticipantHere is a better question, is “bris kodesh” allowed to have more than one screename?
And if one represents a male, and one a female, are they allowed to talk to each other?
February 17, 2013 4:45 pm at 4:45 pm #930658NaftushMemberWould it be plagiarism if each participant would past in his/her posts in the great “Gut Shabbos” debate and call it a draw?
February 17, 2013 5:04 pm at 5:04 pm #930659midwesternerParticipantVulcans don’t have a sense of humor. They are purely logical beings. Perhaps half Vulcan and half human. (Oh boy, the girsa dyankusa came out there!)
February 17, 2013 5:26 pm at 5:26 pm #930660ThePurpleOneMemberya if ur a married man u shudnt be talking to married ladies!! ask ur LOR, not the ppl u shudnt be talking to..
February 17, 2013 5:37 pm at 5:37 pm #930661HaLeiViParticipantNo. The CR is not a Makom Tzanua. Therefore it is not a problem.
Is there a given interval of time when these things get brought up? This has been hashed and rehashed many times over.
But as far as Tznua goes, my screen name is pretty Tznua.
February 17, 2013 6:47 pm at 6:47 pm #930662supermeMemberSoon ppl will come up with areason that it’s makom yichud
February 17, 2013 7:07 pm at 7:07 pm #930663ThePurpleOneMembersuperme-
huh?? the mods r here too!!;)
February 17, 2013 7:08 pm at 7:08 pm #930664ImaofthreeParticipantI would assume that since the coffee room is moderated they would not let any comments in that are not tzanuah. Certainly there are those that would not feel comfortable here or anywhere else on the internet for that matter.
February 17, 2013 8:33 pm at 8:33 pm #930665chevronMemberThe fact that no one can contact anyone else (off the forum) may be an acceptable retort to those questioning the permissibility of non-essential online cross-gender communications. Nevertheless, the question is a valid one and I don’t understand the retort that if its a problem then YOU stay away and let everyone else be. That solution is good for the person but, if the problem is a valid one, does not alleviate the issue with the masses engaging in such conduct. And concern for everyone else is, surely, something we should all be concerned with.
Also, the retort that no one knows with certainty anyone elses gender is also true to a point. But in truth most posters make reasonably obvious their gender (as someone else pointed out above.)
February 17, 2013 9:10 pm at 9:10 pm #930666TheGoqParticipantakuperma vulcans are humorless did you ever once see spock crack a smile?
February 17, 2013 9:41 pm at 9:41 pm #930667bris kodeshParticipantThanks, I’ve found the responses so far to be interesting. I see most people have very strong positions on the issue. I’m wondering how the Gedolim would feel about this.
Good question. Please let us know their thoughts. In the meantime, we blocked your multiple usernames…..
There should be some Gedolim in “Beit Shemesh” who can give you their thoughts…..
February 17, 2013 11:57 pm at 11:57 pm #930668Torah613TorahParticipantDY: If the girl went to a seminary where they teach gemara, she might be able to talk in learning.
February 18, 2013 12:18 am at 12:18 am #930669akupermaParticipantBut could not a Vulcan be pretending to have a sense of humor, addressing the matter with very serious logic, since in CR no one would know he is a Vulcan. And if he can fake his humor, why not his gender. He could even be a Klingon in disguise.
And all the more so if the person behind the screen name is actually an unusually clever poodle.
And of course, I’ld discuss gender but of course we don’t discuss such things in mixed-up company.
February 18, 2013 12:49 am at 12:49 am #930670Torah613TorahParticipantI’m a stranger in a strange land, a mathematical Martian whose motive remains a mystery.
February 18, 2013 12:50 am at 12:50 am #930671☕ DaasYochid ☕ParticipantT613T,
Yes, that’s exactly what I did.
February 18, 2013 4:23 am at 4:23 am #930672wanderingchanaParticipantIf a Vulcan is half human, wouldn’t a male Vulcan be only half male?
February 18, 2013 2:45 pm at 2:45 pm #930674popa_bar_abbaParticipantya if ur a married man u shudnt be talking to married ladies!! ask ur LOR, not the ppl u shudnt be talking to..
lol
Good point, purple.
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