Home › Forums › Shidduchim › Is it right to suggest a shidduch for yourself?
- This topic has 27 replies, 23 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 1 month ago by writersoul.
-
AuthorPosts
-
October 3, 2013 12:30 am at 12:30 am #610782yeshivabochurguyMember
can i ask someone to set me up with a specific person? Who should i ask?
October 3, 2013 12:51 am at 12:51 am #977947rebdonielMemberThat’s generally considered tacky.
October 3, 2013 12:55 am at 12:55 am #977948supermeMemberAsk a friend to redt it or to tell a shadchan
October 3, 2013 1:06 am at 1:06 am #977949Sam2ParticipantI think it’s honestly silly that someone cannot suggest a person for themselves, but that appears to be the current mode of operation.
October 3, 2013 1:12 am at 1:12 am #977950yeshivabochurguyMemberso what do you do if you think someone might be good for you but no one ever set you up
October 3, 2013 1:24 am at 1:24 am #977951OURtorahParticipantyeshiva bocher guy…just ask her out yourself…
October 3, 2013 1:26 am at 1:26 am #977952SecularFrummyMemberObviously nobody know themselves well enough to do that.
October 3, 2013 1:32 am at 1:32 am #977953TheGoqParticipantLets ask Tevya.
October 3, 2013 2:17 am at 2:17 am #977954interjectionParticipantAsk a relative you’re close with. Is that really how it is? That because you thought of it first you guys can’t date?
October 3, 2013 2:24 am at 2:24 am #977955jwashingMemberand tevya is
October 3, 2013 2:29 am at 2:29 am #977956squeakParticipantNo wonder you have to suggest yourself. Shadchanim dont usually set up marriageable girls with boys looking for a high school.
Thanks
October 3, 2013 2:36 am at 2:36 am #977957TheGoqParticipantHi jwashing, Tevya is the dairy farmer from Fiddler on the Roof the play/movie adapted from the tale by Shalom Aleichem he allows his eldest daughter to marry who she wants instead of making the match for her.
October 3, 2013 2:42 am at 2:42 am #977958jwashingMember@squeak maybe you can be a litle dan lkaf zchus and say maybe he is asking one of the questions for someone else
October 3, 2013 2:49 am at 2:49 am #977959yeshivaguy45Participantthe goq- lol. jwashing- Did you ever hear of Fiddler on the Roof?
October 3, 2013 2:51 am at 2:51 am #977960oomisParticipantOh for goodness sakes. Don’t listen to ANYONE who says it’s tacky. Go for it. Ask ANYONE reliable to redt the shidduch for you, if you always go through a shadchan. Why should you miss out on your possible bashert just because no one else thought of the same suggestion first?
October 3, 2013 2:58 am at 2:58 am #977961Veltz MeshugenerMemberYou are doing a terrible job of valuing your options. You think that this person might potentially be immensely valuable to you as a shidduch, and you are considering abandoning the opportunity because some people might think that asking someone to redt it is “not done”. Imagine the following hypothetical valuations:
Perfect Shidduch = 1,000,000
Odds that this is the perfect shidduch = 10%
Expected Value of Dating = .10*1,000,000=100,000
Cost of doing something that isn’t done = 50 (but that’s an over-estimate)
Since 100,000 is more value than 50, it makes sense to have someone suggest it.
October 3, 2013 3:13 am at 3:13 am #977962jwashingMember@squeak and actually i know this guy and he is talking about his brother who is going into shiduchim
October 3, 2013 3:55 am at 3:55 am #977963147ParticipantIs it right to suggest a shidduch for yourself?
Absolutely!!! Grow up and take some initiative. If your premonition tells you to go for someone, absolutely get the show on the road, and 1 shidduch crisis fewer to deal with.
October 3, 2013 11:58 am at 11:58 am #977964jewish sourceParticipantShimshon Hagibbor did, his eyes were later gauged out by the philistines!
October 3, 2013 1:53 pm at 1:53 pm #977965miritchkaMemberjwashing: if its not for him, why doesnt he suggest it for his brother?
OP: as mentioned by others, ask a relative or friend to redt it. good luck!!
October 3, 2013 2:45 pm at 2:45 pm #977966gabbaisheiniParticipantAsk someone to redt it for you. Having a middle man will make the situation much more comfortable for both of you.
October 7, 2013 1:46 am at 1:46 am #977967ShanifirstMemberThe best shidduchim is made by the person themselves or a family member:) Just make sure that someone you trust is also involved in the shidduch that’s a close friend and not a family member so that way they can make the shidduch and that way it will be tznius because your friend made it and it’s the same as a shadchan doing it just better because your friends with the shadchan.
October 7, 2013 4:16 pm at 4:16 pm #977968apushatayidParticipantYes. It is called taking the initiative. Im ain ani li, mi li.
October 7, 2013 5:21 pm at 5:21 pm #977969jewishfeminist02MemberIt’ll make a great story if you marry the person!
October 7, 2013 5:56 pm at 5:56 pm #977970rebdonielMember“The best shidduchim is made by the person themselves or a family member:)”
I agree in a certain sense. Some people frown on things like JWed and Saw You at Sinai. In such a case, wouldn’t a person be making their own shidduch, since they either replied to someone’s message, or took the initiative to message someone themselves?
October 8, 2013 12:58 am at 12:58 am #977971Torah613TorahParticipantYes, it is right.
But you should be careful that you are primarily attracted to intrinsic qualities and not superficial qualities.
October 9, 2013 12:23 am at 12:23 am #977972french friesMemberi say, you go for it! thats the way my sisters shidduch happened, and they are happily married for quite a few years…
October 9, 2013 12:29 am at 12:29 am #977973writersoulParticipantIt’s not right or wrong, it’s just applicable or inapplicable.
-
AuthorPosts
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.