Is it right to suggest a shidduch for yourself?

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  • #610782

    can i ask someone to set me up with a specific person? Who should i ask?

    #977947
    rebdoniel
    Member

    That’s generally considered tacky.

    #977948
    superme
    Member

    Ask a friend to redt it or to tell a shadchan

    #977949
    Sam2
    Participant

    I think it’s honestly silly that someone cannot suggest a person for themselves, but that appears to be the current mode of operation.

    #977950

    so what do you do if you think someone might be good for you but no one ever set you up

    #977951
    OURtorah
    Participant

    yeshiva bocher guy…just ask her out yourself…

    #977952

    Obviously nobody know themselves well enough to do that.

    #977953
    TheGoq
    Participant

    Lets ask Tevya.

    #977954
    interjection
    Participant

    Ask a relative you’re close with. Is that really how it is? That because you thought of it first you guys can’t date?

    #977955
    jwashing
    Member

    and tevya is

    #977956
    squeak
    Participant

    No wonder you have to suggest yourself. Shadchanim dont usually set up marriageable girls with boys looking for a high school.

    Are there any yeshivos in Riverdale?

    Thanks

    #977957
    TheGoq
    Participant

    Hi jwashing, Tevya is the dairy farmer from Fiddler on the Roof the play/movie adapted from the tale by Shalom Aleichem he allows his eldest daughter to marry who she wants instead of making the match for her.

    #977958
    jwashing
    Member

    @squeak maybe you can be a litle dan lkaf zchus and say maybe he is asking one of the questions for someone else

    #977959
    yeshivaguy45
    Participant

    the goq- lol. jwashing- Did you ever hear of Fiddler on the Roof?

    #977960
    oomis
    Participant

    Oh for goodness sakes. Don’t listen to ANYONE who says it’s tacky. Go for it. Ask ANYONE reliable to redt the shidduch for you, if you always go through a shadchan. Why should you miss out on your possible bashert just because no one else thought of the same suggestion first?

    #977961

    You are doing a terrible job of valuing your options. You think that this person might potentially be immensely valuable to you as a shidduch, and you are considering abandoning the opportunity because some people might think that asking someone to redt it is “not done”. Imagine the following hypothetical valuations:

    Perfect Shidduch = 1,000,000

    Odds that this is the perfect shidduch = 10%

    Expected Value of Dating = .10*1,000,000=100,000

    Cost of doing something that isn’t done = 50 (but that’s an over-estimate)

    Since 100,000 is more value than 50, it makes sense to have someone suggest it.

    #977962
    jwashing
    Member

    @squeak and actually i know this guy and he is talking about his brother who is going into shiduchim

    #977963
    147
    Participant

    Is it right to suggest a shidduch for yourself?

    Absolutely!!! Grow up and take some initiative. If your premonition tells you to go for someone, absolutely get the show on the road, and 1 shidduch crisis fewer to deal with.

    #977964
    jewish source
    Participant

    Shimshon Hagibbor did, his eyes were later gauged out by the philistines!

    #977965
    miritchka
    Member

    jwashing: if its not for him, why doesnt he suggest it for his brother?

    OP: as mentioned by others, ask a relative or friend to redt it. good luck!!

    #977966
    gabbaisheini
    Participant

    Ask someone to redt it for you. Having a middle man will make the situation much more comfortable for both of you.

    #977967
    Shanifirst
    Member

    The best shidduchim is made by the person themselves or a family member:) Just make sure that someone you trust is also involved in the shidduch that’s a close friend and not a family member so that way they can make the shidduch and that way it will be tznius because your friend made it and it’s the same as a shadchan doing it just better because your friends with the shadchan.

    #977968
    apushatayid
    Participant

    Yes. It is called taking the initiative. Im ain ani li, mi li.

    #977969

    It’ll make a great story if you marry the person!

    #977970
    rebdoniel
    Member

    “The best shidduchim is made by the person themselves or a family member:)”

    I agree in a certain sense. Some people frown on things like JWed and Saw You at Sinai. In such a case, wouldn’t a person be making their own shidduch, since they either replied to someone’s message, or took the initiative to message someone themselves?

    #977971
    Torah613Torah
    Participant

    Yes, it is right.

    But you should be careful that you are primarily attracted to intrinsic qualities and not superficial qualities.

    #977972
    french fries
    Member

    i say, you go for it! thats the way my sisters shidduch happened, and they are happily married for quite a few years…

    #977973
    writersoul
    Participant

    It’s not right or wrong, it’s just applicable or inapplicable.

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